Colbert on Kyl’s vestigial tail, sex with cousins, lying on the floor of the Senate

Arizona Senator John Kyl, while making the case on the floor of the Senate for the elimination of Planned Parenthood’s federal funding, said that abortions account for “well over 90%” of what the well-respected women’s health organization does. Then, when it was pointed out to the Senator that abortion services actually only account for 3% of Planned Parenthood’s activities, he responded by saying that his previous comment was “not intended to be a factual statement.” Then, to make matters worse, the folks at Fox and Friends chimed in to say that Planned Parenthood didn’t really need to exist, as women can get all the pap smears and breast exams that they want at Walgreens… Stephen Colbert, as you might imagine, was all over it… Oh, and shouldn’t it be illegal for a U.S. Senator to knowingly make false statements on the floor of the Senate?

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18 Comments

  1. badaboom
    Posted April 12, 2011 at 11:07 pm | Permalink

    On one hand, I love Colbert, but the reality is growing severe enough where it’s hard to find humor, aka “relief” in making light.

    It’s not light.

    “Maybe Hitler should shave his postage stamp mustache so that Anne Frank could mail her diary to Random House.” Zing!

    “Tying Matthew Shepard to a fence post and whipping him, hey, that’s ever sheep’s wet dream … to sheer the shepherd! Did someone order loin of lamb!” Bratta-tap!

    “You say genocide, I say ‘job creation.'” Buttabing.

    “You call it fetal alcohol syndrome? I call it peer-to-peer marketing. Besides, who doesn’t want their baby born with beer goggles. Makes momma a whole lot easier to love.” Buttaboom.

    “Keep crying America about your lost houses and jobs. Keep crying about how you worked hard all your life, played by the rules, and are now watching your loved ones die because they can’t afford prescription drugs. Keep crying. Because I need those tears for my new brand of bottled water, ‘Pure Desperation.’ The more you cry, the more I can bottle and ship to China. Your tears are worth more than veal over their.” Laugh track.

    Back to the point, there is a point where laughter doesn’t provide comic relief, it trivializes. It would be funny, if it weren’t true.

  2. Knox
    Posted April 13, 2011 at 5:34 am | Permalink

    I don’t know that it would do any good, but it would be funny if women started showing up at Walgreens, asking for breast exams and pap smears to raise awareness about what Planned Parenthood does. And men could go and ask about having their vestigial tails removed.

  3. Kristin
    Posted April 13, 2011 at 7:00 am | Permalink

    Yes it should be illegal. And what kind of statement is that, “It wasn’t meant to be factual?” What was it supposed to be? Spoken word?

  4. Edward
    Posted April 13, 2011 at 8:16 am | Permalink

    His tone can be a bit aggressive a times. I’ll agree with you on that. I don’t have a problem with it, though. The important thing for me is that someone on television is calling Kyl and these Fox News faux-journalists on their bullshit. If it weren’t for the Daily Show and the Colbert Report, where would we be? There certainly aren’t newspapers out there pointing these things out.

  5. Kim
    Posted April 13, 2011 at 9:21 am | Permalink

    Colbert’s Twitter stream has been great. He’s having a lot of fun with the #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement meme.

    http://twitter.com/stephenathome

  6. dp in ypsi
    Posted April 13, 2011 at 9:51 am | Permalink

    congressional immunity: Article 1, Section 6

    each and every one of them has the right to lie about everything they say on the floor of the House or Senate and we can’t really do much about it… except at the polls, but we’ve already hashed that out plenty of times and know darn well there is no meaningful accountability for these folks.

  7. TeacherPatti
    Posted April 13, 2011 at 10:00 am | Permalink

    Actually Knox, I think that’s a great idea. We’ll waltz up to the prescription counter and whip them out and ask where the mammogram station is (you know, like those blood pressure centers that they have). Or someone could set up a breast exam station and just start feeling us up (WITH OUR PERMISSION OF COURSE) to see what you can find. Maybe I’ll sit there with a ballpoint pen and a guy can ask for a vasectomy and I can start stabbing (just kidding guys! But I made your balls hurt didn’t I?)

  8. Elf
    Posted April 13, 2011 at 10:20 am | Permalink

    Speaking of lies told by politicians without recourse, check this out.

    http://i.imgur.com/v97KJ.png

  9. Alice Krum
    Posted April 13, 2011 at 3:17 pm | Permalink

    Nothing gets my juices flowing like when old white men talk about womens health care.

  10. notoneofthecoolkids
    Posted April 13, 2011 at 8:40 pm | Permalink

    I will go to my grave saying that abortion is a religious not a moral issue. But I want to remind everyone that it is also an issue of women’s sexual freedom. The freedom to have sex whenever and wherever we want too. No one talks about this underlying fear that men, and good Christian women, have of a woman that is sexually confident.

  11. Bob
    Posted April 13, 2011 at 10:15 pm | Permalink

    I like the saying “If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrement.”

  12. TeacherPatti
    Posted April 14, 2011 at 8:12 am | Permalink

    Not one of the cool kids is right on. Try asking a forced birther how they feel about abortion in cases of rape and incest. Not always, but many times they will say that it’s permissible in those cases. Verify that they believe life begins at conception (they will say yes). Then say, “So…what? In rape/incest, life DOESN’T begin at conception? It’s not a life then and only then?” Point being that it’s “permissible” when a woman doesn’t enjoy/want/is forced to have the sex that caused the pregnancy. So yeah, it really is about keeping women in our places for most of them, subconsciously or not. I mean, how better to screw up a woman’s life than by saddling her with an unwanted pregnancy, esp. at an early age? How much harder (if not impossible) will it be to go to college, get a good job, etc? (And oh yes I’m sure we all know a woman who plopped out the kid and went on to do great things…*I* don’t know of any such occurrences but someone always pops up to share whenever I say this sort of stuff)

  13. Robert
    Posted April 14, 2011 at 11:47 am | Permalink

    As much as I love Colbert, I do think badaboom makes a crucial point.

    As far as Kyl is concerned, he just has the same syndrome nearly all of mm.com’s commenters do. Blurting out statements which are on the face of them false is something that goes on constantly here. It appears to be a disorder sort of like Tourette’s syndrome.

    Apparently it’s a huge challenge for many people to actually run everything they have the impulse to say through a logic filter first. That’s way too much to expect of people, even if they have years and years of education and experience with social interaction.

    Don’t worry though folks, you can rest assured that all the really difficult challenges are being met. It’s just these little easy ones that seem to prove so insurmountable to everybody.

  14. Posted April 14, 2011 at 10:19 pm | Permalink

    Someone, jealous of all the attention that Kyl was getting, came along to top him.

    …At one point during the floor debate over the measure, Rep. Alan Nunnelee (R-MS) made a series of preposterous and hysterical claims about the work of Planned Parenthood and the GOP’s measure. First, Nunnelee falsely claimed the measure wouldn’t deny funding for womens’ health. He then said that Planned Parenthood has protected child predators and people who have “raped our granddaughters”…

  15. Robert
    Posted April 15, 2011 at 4:35 pm | Permalink

    Alan Nunnelee’s granddaughter was raped? Was this reported to the police? Someone call 911. I think I already have an idea who the perpetrator is.

  16. EOS
    Posted April 16, 2011 at 5:01 am | Permalink

    notoneofthecoolkids,

    So killing human life is not a moral issue? Then is murder of adults merely a religious issue as well? If not, then at what age does the victim of this type of brutality become a moral concern? Or does the location of the killing determine its morality?

    All laws have a moral basis. Certain acts are deemed unlawful because the majority believe that they shouldn’t be done. The moral foundation for the majority in our country is Biblical. If you are an atheist, then your moral foundation is arbitrary, but it still exists.

    Your moral values include the freedom to have sex whenever and wherever you want too. I share that moral value with you. Who would want to live in a society where government dictates sexual behavior between consenting adults? But having the freedom to do something is not equivalent to endorsement of that action. Even though we have the freedom to engage in sex, I would advocate refraining from sex until one is married and financially able to provide for the care and upbringing of children. Our freedoms stop at the point where they infringe on another individual’s rights and the right to life is one of the fundamental rights enumerated in our declaration of Independence.

    Patti,
    If a woman is the victim of rape or incest, then the perpetrator should be prosecuted if at all possible. But killing the innocent baby just adds additional trauma. If the woman is unable to love and care for the baby, she should put it up for adoption.

    Many on the pro-abortion side always bring up the rape/incest dilemma. It is a heart wrenching situation. Some on the pro-life side have suggested that if we allow abortions only in the circumstances of rape and incest then we can still prohibit 98.5% of all abortions. It is a tactical strategy designed to save millions from abortion, but I don’t believe that those who advocate this concession have any doubts that life begins at conception. I’ve never heard of a single individual who thinks that the life of the baby should be saved only when the sexual act had been pleasurable.

  17. Edward
    Posted April 17, 2011 at 8:52 am | Permalink

    I read this personal story on Reddit and wanted to share it.

    We were broke college students (she was graduating in a couple months and I was in graduate school). We didn’t think we’d be able to afford a baby and didn’t feel ready. We went back the next day, together. She took another pregnancy test and it came back positive again. We asked for pamphlets so we could think about our options. The nurse got the pamphlets, sat down next to us, held our hands and looked right into our eyes: “You’re going to have this baby and be great parents.” It wasn’t said to pressure us or with a tone of judgment. It was said with love and compassion. She knew we were just scared. “No one ever feels ready,” she told us. The nurse explained that she’s been doing her job for 25 years and has helped many patients make the difficult choice to have an abortion. She told us that the simple fact that pregnancy wasn’t planned shouldn’t mean that we immediately resort to abortion.

    Some of you may say she should have just minded her own business. That it was our decision an ours alone. But we didn’t need a cold ultimatum. We needed a loving, considerate, and thoughtful motherly figure to let us know that we’d be OK. She’d been doing abortion counseling for long enough to recognize that we would be thrilled once we got past the initial fright. We began crying with an elation I can’t begin to describe.

    Liam turned 7 months today. We’re stressed at times, sure, but oh so happy. Thank you Planned Parenthood.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/grx93/the_clinic_told_my_wife_that_shes_pregnant/

  18. Knox
    Posted April 23, 2011 at 4:26 pm | Permalink

    Sen. Jon Kyl has quietly removed his infamous comment that 90 percent of Planned Parenthood’s business is abortion from the Congressional Record. Senators are allowed to revise and extend their comments in record and his statement now simply says: “If you want an abortion you go to Planned Parenthood and that is what Planned Parenthood does.” Kyl’s office could not be reached for comment.

    http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/jon-kyl-deletes-his-planned-parenthood-lies-from-congressional-record/?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+OTB+%28Outside+The+Beltway+|+OTB%29

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