Detroit’s Funeral for the Fag

As you all know, in just a few days, all the bars and restaurants in Michigan (with the exception of those that allow gambling, I believe) will go smoke free. And, it sounds like our friends in the Detroit Party Marching Band are planning to usher in the new prohibition era in style. Here’s the letter that I just received:

This Friday marks a great turning point in the history of our fair city. Just after the stroke of midnight, the great clouds that have hung above above us for centuries will be whisked out the doors of Detroit’s pubs and taverns, carrying with them 300 years of courageous dreams, broken hearts, whispered secrets and stale ashtrays. Please join us to commemorate Detroit’s newest prohibition on the smoking of tobacco- whether with the cheers of healthy lungs or the tears of final puffs- rejoice, the death of smoking in Detroit bars.

cigarette-adThe Slow Drag Combo, scrappy younger kin to the Detroit Party Marching Band, will be hosting a jazz funeral to commemorate the event. At 9pm on April 30th we’ll convene a procession at the Bronx Bar in the Cass Corridor. Slow Drag will play a solemn medley of funeral dirges as a stoic crew of pallbearers will parade the coffin of Detroit’s deposed cigarette through the smoke-filled bars of the neighborhood. We’ll convene at Midnight at PJ’s Lager House for a final remembrance, a funeral oratory and a ceremonial burying of the butt in the parking lot.

We entreat you- post up at your favorite midtown watering hole and wait for the procession to come through, saddle up to the bar at the Lager House for the grand ceremony, or meet us at the Bronx at 9 and follow us through the streets on this historic night. Wear your finest funeral veil, or dress up as your favorite brand of smokes. Whether he’s a dear friend or a bitter enemy, let’s show this guy off in style.

It’s The Funeral for the Fag. Because we all remember how much fun prohibition was last time.

Speaking of the smoking ban, one wonders how it will impact some of our more smoker-friendly bars, like the 8 Ball, Powell’s and the Screaming Eagle… I’ve got my hands full with other obligations on Saturday, or else I’d do it myself, but it would be cool if someone would go and visit a few of these bars on both Friday and Saturday night, and shoot video. I think it would be great documentary footage to have.

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  1. Bob
    Posted April 27, 2010 at 8:28 pm | Permalink

    I have yet to hear a talking head make the connection to smoking bans in the (endless) talk about the tea parties. I suspect that the GOVERNMENT telling disgruntled white folks they can’t smoke in their bars is a huge source of outrage. They may list health care and auto bailouts when questioned about their grievances, but I suspect the day to day reality of changing their cigarette habit hits closer to home.

  2. Posted April 27, 2010 at 9:37 pm | Permalink

    Another event, closer to home:

    Join us for a celebration to mark the day Michigan’s smoke-free air law goes into effect! Anyone can join in this pub-crawl victory lap!

    4:00 PM
    Kick-off at Conor O’Neills
    318 S. Main Street
    Ann Arbor

    We will continue on to Arbor Brewing Company and other local establishments based on U of M Commencement traffic!

    Purchase a t-shirt at Conor’s for $12 with all proceeds benefiting the American Lung Association, and get Happy Hour prices all night!

    We will also have Smoke-free Michigan stickers to pass out so that you can show your support for the new legislation on May 1st!

    For more information please contact

  3. Posted April 27, 2010 at 9:39 pm | Permalink

    The thing I find even funnier, Bob, is that none of these Tea Party folks, who are so dedicated to personal freedom, seem to be up in arms over the recent anti-immigrant legislation passed in Arizona.

  4. Savage
    Posted April 27, 2010 at 9:43 pm | Permalink

    If only the Hutaree had saved us from this terrible fate.

  5. EOS
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 5:32 am | Permalink

    Arizona didn’t pass any anti-immigrant legislation. Immigrants are welcome. It’s only those who violate our laws and illegally enter our country and who are bankrupting state budgets by utilizing services without payment who will be returned to their legal residences.

  6. Knox
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 6:00 am | Permalink

    Anyone with brown skin, under this new law, has to be questioned on their citizenship, and produce their papers. How is that not anti-immigrant?

  7. EOS
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 6:53 am | Permalink

    That’s not true. You’ve been misinformed. The law specifically prohibits using race as sufficient reasonable cause to ask for identification. There must be another reason why a person is stopped and questioned.

  8. Peter Larson
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 7:01 am | Permalink

    EOS, I hate to fall prey to your bait, but what planet do you exactly live on?

  9. EOS
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 7:21 am | Permalink

    Earth –

    Arizona’s law:

    Requires officials and agencies to reasonably attempt to determine the immigration status of a person involved in a lawful contact where reasonable suspicion exists regarding the immigration status of the person, except if the determination may hinder or obstruct an investigation.

    · Stipulates that if the person is arrested, the person’s immigration status must be determined before the person is released and must be verified with the federal government.

    · Stipulates that a law enforcement official or agency cannot solely consider race, color or national origin when implementing these provisions, except as permitted by the U.S. or Arizona Constitution.

    · Specifies that a person is presumed to be lawfully present if the person provides any of the following:

    Ø A valid Arizona driver license.

    Ø A valid Arizona non-operating identification license.

    Ø A valid tribal enrollment card or other form of tribal identification.

    Ø A valid federal, state or local government issued identification, if the issuing entity requires proof of legal presence before issuance.

  10. Peter Larson
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 7:27 am | Permalink

    You are either sheltered or clueless.

  11. Edward
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 8:18 am | Permalink

    And what exactly does one do to look like an illegal alien, if it’s not based on race, EOS? Will they stop white people who are gardening and ask for their papers?

    And, I should add, there are already cases of Hispanic motorists being pulled over without cause, just based on race.

  12. Fuzzy Math
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 8:25 am | Permalink

    How about being less than fluent in English, or maybe just having a really thick accent.

  13. Posted April 28, 2010 at 9:37 am | Permalink

    Good idea, I volunteering Mike for the video taking.

  14. Mr. X
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 10:24 am | Permalink

    Puppet Mark should go with him. It would make a great segment for the show.

  15. Spacegirl
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 11:57 am | Permalink

    Regarding the 8 Ball…
    I am now fearful of a hot, humid summer day when I will venture into the bowels of the 8 Ball to soon be accosted by the pungent aroma of piss and stale Old Style rather than the sweet, acrid, camouflaging scent of cigarettes .
    Not that I love the smell of cigarettes, but c’mon, we all know how gross that place gets and what are they to do now? Hang a trillion pine tree air fresheners from the ceiling?

  16. dragon
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 5:24 pm | Permalink

    EOS, can you summarize your thoughts onto a poorly spelled sign?

  17. Peter Larson
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 6:38 pm | Permalink

    Perhaps he would rather read an interesting document on military and civilian pay comparisons.

  18. Chaely
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 7:16 pm | Permalink

    That’s a good idea. If I can drag my ass out of the house I’ll grab my camera and do some interviews with smokers getting used to doing their business curbside.

  19. Karl
    Posted April 29, 2010 at 8:22 am | Permalink

    People can suck on the wall paper at the 8-Ball. That should get them by for at least a few years.

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