hillarious comedy routine!

Chirp.

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16 Comments

  1. mark
    Posted April 2, 2008 at 10:01 pm | Permalink

    Watching Obama bowl a 37 yesterday was bad, but watching Hillary try to deliver jokes about it was one hundred times worse. It was just plain painful.

  2. Ol' E Cross
    Posted April 2, 2008 at 11:30 pm | Permalink

    I could enjoy Hillary’s humorlessness if it hadn’t succeeded in accomplishing what it was meant to do: keeping Obama’s bowling atop the cable news for an extra cycle or two.

    I predict the Democratic primary won’t be decided by votes or issues but by a winner-take-all game of pick-up-sticks at the convention. Should make for exciting TV.

    Hard to believe the same news agencies that were so diligent in pressing Bush on details prior to invading Iraq could be so easily distracted from issues by a sermon and some gutterballs.

  3. Brackache
    Posted April 2, 2008 at 11:37 pm | Permalink

    The founders would have never written Article 2 of the Constitution if they’d known that future advances in technology would have turned the race for the Presidency into this. Executive branches are so 18th century.

  4. Ol' E Cross
    Posted April 2, 2008 at 11:55 pm | Permalink

    BA, What is this Constitution you speak of? Is it still available or have supplies run out in the last several years? As I do share your love of Founders, I think I may enjoy a little nip of “Constitution” as well.

  5. Brackache
    Posted April 3, 2008 at 1:25 am | Permalink

    Ole — there’s only one nip left. You’ll find the bottle next to a handwritten note that reads “dear sirs, please please please don’t drink this. There will be absolutely no legal consequences if you do though so… pinky swear.”

    Like all commodities (precious metals, gas, whiskey), the Constitution’s price should skyrocket with this economic downturn as the buying power of the dollar drops, but it’s kinda like buying a whole bunch of silver: it seems like a really good idea to protect yourself from hard times, but it doesn’t really do anything besides look pretty… and maybe keep your beer fresher and make your skin turn blue. High mileage analogies will also be hard to come by.

  6. Karl
    Posted April 3, 2008 at 9:22 am | Permalink

    I have always voted for the best bowler, or, when necessary, the individual perceived as the best bowler. This has worked in Presidential elections for the past 25 years at least. I have always chosen the winner. Hillary’s ass, and I mean no disrespect by this, has “cheese-belt bowling alley” written all over it.

    To those tempted to vote Obama. “We aren’t electing a comedian to run the country”, I say emphatically, “We are electing a bowler!” Let’s all keep that in mind.

  7. egpenet
    Posted April 3, 2008 at 9:46 am | Permalink

    She has several pins loose.

    Nice thing about Billary, is that if anything happens to her, she comes with a spare.

    This explains why she wears bowling shoes.

  8. Another Ed
    Posted April 3, 2008 at 10:05 am | Permalink

    I imagine that Bush is a wonderful bowler. Fuck bowling. I want a good President.

  9. Posted April 3, 2008 at 12:38 pm | Permalink

    She should have started this routine by saying she just flew in to Penn and boy are her arms tired. And a live drummer with a “ba-dom ching” would have also been a good effect after each clever bowling crack.

  10. Brackache
    Posted April 3, 2008 at 4:43 pm | Permalink

    To be fair, she might have had a target audience of idiots. I imagine in politics that happens a lot.

  11. egpenet
    Posted April 3, 2008 at 11:37 pm | Permalink

    “I just broomed in from Michigan … whwere I swept up a fast $150 donation … and my broom is tired.”

    “Ha. Ha. April Fool. I charge more than THAT!”

    “No. Seriously. I DON’T charge. I was in Michigan to sweep up a few votes! Ha. Ha.”

    “No. Really. THIS isn’t a broom, it’s my daughter, Chelsea. I think she’s so cute, she could just sweep any guy off his feet. Get it? Sweep him off his feet?”

    “No, actually I just got in from New Mexico where I beat up on Bill Richardson. You can get a little cloth Bill Richardson doll on my website now for $10,000 along with a lapis lazuli-tipped hat pin. Let him have it, girls, where it hurts.”

    “AHa Ha. Love this business. Politics IS a business, you know. It’s not about friends or enemies, it’s all about money. Follow the money. That’s why God made money. So politicians could have it to play with.”

    “No, I’m being silly. Money is for folks that really need it. I NEED YOUR MONEY. That Barak is getting two to three times the donations I’m getting! Now I’m getting mad!”

    “Aha. Ha, ha. April fool! I’m not mad. Besides, Billy told me, ‘Now, Hillary, you’ll be tempted to get mad now and then, but don’t get mad, GET EVEN!”

    “Aha, ha, ha. I love this racket. Elect me and we’ll have a blast! Get it? A blast … in Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran … I’ll do what’s right … I voted for the war, didn’t I … I dodged bullets for you in Bosnia, didn’t I … I created Health Care and NAFTA and the Internet, didn’t I?”

    “Aha, ha. April fool.”

    “Eat your heart out Steven Colbert. I am the greatest!”

  12. Meta
    Posted April 4, 2008 at 8:20 am | Permalink

    Hillary’s comedy tour keeps on rolling. Here she is last night talking to Leno about sniper fire:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERJXdTJiJwQ

  13. Meta
    Posted May 6, 2008 at 8:44 am | Permalink

    More comedy gold:

    http://www.popcrunch.com/hillary-clinton-letterman-top-ten-list-video-hillary-clinton-late-show-with-david-letterman-video/

  14. Robert
    Posted May 6, 2008 at 4:42 pm | Permalink

    I think it’s working for her. A lot of people don’t like her because she is serious.

    If I were her campaign manager, I’d have her forget all that serious “I know what I’m doing” crap, and I’d have her biking, jogging, partying, and making stupid jokes.

    I’d get her into shape, doll her up like a prostitute, and have her drunk and acting like a bimbo constantly.

    We’ve learned something from the last seven years haven’t we?

  15. egpenet
    Posted May 6, 2008 at 4:45 pm | Permalink

    Maybe we can sneak a couple of emails from Hillary onto Kwame’s Blackberry … might help them both in their future efforts.

  16. mark
    Posted May 6, 2008 at 9:13 pm | Permalink

    Speaking of prostitution, I have a request by someone in the audience to start a new thread on it.

    And, no, Robert, we haven’t learned anything from these past 7 years.

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