24 hour panty people

Listen, can you hear it? It’s the sound of Congressman John Dingell slapping his forehead and saying, “You mean I just left a comment on a panty-merchant’s site?” If I had any credibility in the political arena at all, I’m afraid it’s all gone now that the panty cat is out of the bag… You can read the whole, ugly, career-ending article over at the “Ann Arbor News” site… And then, for God’s sake, buy a pair or two of ypsipanties… As long as I have to suffer through the indignity of being greeted with, “Hey, Pantyman,” when I walk down the street, I might as well be making a few dollars, right?

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  1. Brian
    Posted July 29, 2007 at 1:06 pm | Permalink

    Why does that mannequin have a camel toe? Actually, “how did that mannequin get a camel toe?” is a far more appropriate question.

  2. mark
    Posted July 29, 2007 at 1:09 pm | Permalink

    It’s not the mannequin, they’re built into the Ypsipanties!

    For free!

  3. Anonymatt
    Posted July 29, 2007 at 3:24 pm | Permalink

    That’s a nice photo.

  4. mike_1630
    Posted July 29, 2007 at 3:49 pm | Permalink

    I love the title! I love the picture! I love the beard :) And Clementine peaking around the legs is adorable. I gotta’ get me a copy of this when I’m in Michigan :D

  5. Posted July 29, 2007 at 4:21 pm | Permalink

    awesome :)

  6. Dirtgrain
    Posted July 29, 2007 at 6:26 pm | Permalink

    Clementine has a great look on her face. You all look great, too. I was happy to see it in the paper this morning.

  7. mark
    Posted July 29, 2007 at 8:34 pm | Permalink

    I was just joking about the camel toe being free… It’s actually $5, but it’s worth every penny. I’m told that it pretty much pays for itself in the first 60 days.

    I just got an email from WWJ, the big news station in Detroit, asking if we were available for an interview. I guess we’ll have to put it to a family vote. I’m in favor of doing it, but only if Clementine answers all of the questions for us.

  8. mark
    Posted July 29, 2007 at 9:52 pm | Permalink

    And our Iggy shirts don’t say that he was born here. They say that he was “from” here. He was born somewhere else, like Muskegon or something, and moved here as an infant (with his parents).

  9. Jon Jon
    Posted July 29, 2007 at 11:16 pm | Permalink

    For those with eyes to see … there is little Clementine, peering between the green nylon covered bars that is the Ypsipanty sweatshop.

  10. Pan Teen
    Posted July 29, 2007 at 11:19 pm | Permalink

    The right leg of the severed mannequin is neatly obscuring Mark’s own camel-toe on which the Ypsipantie is modelled.

  11. Boney Teetons
    Posted July 29, 2007 at 11:23 pm | Permalink

    It’s obvious to me why the A2 News ran this as a cover story. Mark’s skin tone is remarkably akin to the color of blank newsprint. The amount of ink they saved in printing his photo was well worth the cost of journalistic credibility.

  12. NewsFlasher
    Posted July 29, 2007 at 11:32 pm | Permalink

    Ypsipanties may be fine product, but I prefer to clad myself in Ypsiscanties (TM) which offer 90 percent less coverage at little more than half the price.

  13. A2 Brute Aye
    Posted July 29, 2007 at 11:43 pm | Permalink

    On the plus side, it’s good to see the Ann Arbor News finally reporting on the positive societal role Ypsilanti plays in Washtenaw county, namely, cradling everybody’s junk and absorbing their piss.

    Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  14. Maris Tonic
    Posted July 29, 2007 at 11:50 pm | Permalink

    I can barely search Google without MM popping up in everyone of my queries.

    That he’s now glaring invasively at me through the tranquility of my Sunday morn news is only tempered by the facts that his wife and daughter are so charming.

    I choked a little on my coffee this a.m., but I did not gag.

  15. Ol' E Cross
    Posted July 29, 2007 at 11:54 pm | Permalink

    Great photo. Decent story. Glad to share a town with you and your girly underpants and all those who make both possible.

    If you ever offer a version with the appropriate portal, I will buy a pair.

  16. Maris Tonic
    Posted July 30, 2007 at 7:43 am | Permalink

    So, I’m watching WDIV news this morning, looking for the weather, and I see the Ypsipanties story creeping across the ticker at the bottom of the screen.

    (Apparently, UPI picked up the story.)

    Ruined another perfectly good cup of coffee.

  17. John F
    Posted July 30, 2007 at 8:20 am | Permalink

    Thank you for getting the press to write about something other than the EMU murder for a while.

    Keep up the good work.

  18. Ted
    Posted July 30, 2007 at 8:37 am | Permalink

    Orson Welles had a fetish for bisected women too.


  19. Robert
    Posted July 30, 2007 at 9:59 am | Permalink

    Mark, this is sheer marketing genius!

  20. Anonymous
    Posted July 30, 2007 at 12:25 pm | Permalink

    I logged into my work machine this morning and I have iGoogle setup on my homepage to pickup local news and right in the top right corner of my screen was the headline: “Hot Pink Underwear Sold To Keep Ypsilanti History Alive” with a link to: http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/13779192/detail.html?rss=det&psp=news

  21. Posted July 30, 2007 at 1:22 pm | Permalink

    Well done, Mark. I hear you may have visited Ypsilanti, ND in the past. The Ypsilanti Gentlemen’s Club Podcast has started a petition opposing the existence of two towns called Ypsilanti. You can sign it here. I think the idea of the Ypsipanty would scare the other Ypsilanti to death.

  22. JPowers155
    Posted July 30, 2007 at 3:41 pm | Permalink

    Mark… FWIW, I front paged your blog post over on MichLib. Cracked me up. Thanks for the Monday amusement. I’ll be doing “Coffee Talk” every Monday, so try to post something on Sunday night…

  23. Charlie
    Posted July 30, 2007 at 3:50 pm | Permalink

    You also made the Free Press here in Detroit. Page 3A in the left column “He Said”, they quote you, and then there is a little blurb.

    On line, they have the full story:

  24. Cheeto
    Posted July 30, 2007 at 4:15 pm | Permalink

    I just heard on the BBC that Walter Cronkite was coming out of retirement today just to report on ypsipanties. He likened it to the moon landing.

  25. A. Bodoni
    Posted July 30, 2007 at 7:19 pm | Permalink

    that Ypsilanti double-name petition mentioned above is a good read, well done sir.

  26. ypsidweller
    Posted July 30, 2007 at 11:20 pm | Permalink


  27. mark
    Posted July 30, 2007 at 11:44 pm | Permalink

    Thanks for all the comments. I’d write more, but I’ve got panties to stuff. Sales today have been good.

  28. mark
    Posted July 30, 2007 at 11:48 pm | Permalink

    One day, remind me and I’ll post some kind of chart showing where we’re shipping Ypsipanties tonight (thanks to this article getting picked up by the wire services). I can’t figure it out, but a lot are going to Colorado for some reason.

  29. UBU
    Posted July 31, 2007 at 8:10 am | Permalink

    You’re bigger than Perez Hilton!

  30. edweird
    Posted July 31, 2007 at 8:44 am | Permalink

    That picture needs to be framed and put over your mantle. Pure genius!

  31. Bobby
    Posted July 31, 2007 at 11:02 am | Permalink

    I bought me a pair of them and they squished my junk all up.

  32. Posted July 31, 2007 at 11:03 am | Permalink

    Yesterday afternoon I was sitting at a restaurant counter in A2, telling a friend about the article. A crazy guy a few seat down said, “Mark Maynard? He’s an Ann Arbor god!”
    I told him that, yeah, he’s a cool guy, but he lives in Ypsilanti.
    “He has a store in Ann Arbor, too,” he informed me. “In Nickel’s Arcade.”
    “Henrietta Fahrenheit?”
    “Yeah, that’s it.”
    “That store closed, but he never owned it. The owner was a woman. Jennifer.”
    “No. Mark. The guy who owned it. He was the owner. He’s a god.”
    At which I point I gave up and said, “Yeah, he sure had a great store there.”
    He was wearing a shirt that said “Handsome Doesn’t Begin to Describe It”

  33. Steve
    Posted July 31, 2007 at 11:12 am | Permalink

    I have never seen Mark and Jennifer in the same room at the same time. Not even when they were talking to one another. Many is the time that I’d come into Henrieta Fahrenheit and listen to them chatting. Jennifer would be behind the desk or something and Mark would say something like, “I want to sell burkas made out of American flags,” then he’d start coughing and duck down behind the desk to get a drink of water,” and then Jennifer would pop up and say something like, “Oh, that’s a silly idea.” Then she’d say she needed a paper towel and she’d duck down. Mark would pop up, yelling at her. It would go on for hours. I never thought about how odd it was until just now though.

  34. Ed
    Posted July 31, 2007 at 11:14 am | Permalink

    That was no crazy person. That was our Congressman.

  35. Posted July 31, 2007 at 11:27 am | Permalink

    The one weekend I skip the paper I miss this. What a cute photo!

  36. Posted July 31, 2007 at 11:40 am | Permalink

    Colorado? I’m thinking Collin. ;-) I know I put in my order yesterday.

  37. ypsidweller
    Posted July 31, 2007 at 12:49 pm | Permalink

    This is from Ypsidweller’s signigicant other:

    The camel toe talk brought to mind a wonderful line from Detroit poet and playwright Ron Allen’s poem “Diggin’ the -Isms”: “glorious vulva ruminationisms.”

    I hereby propose that we drop “camel toe” forever and go back to appropriate flower language: calyx! (Every calyx deserves to be draped in hot-pink Ypsipanties, so flowerlike.)

    Main Entry: ca·lyx
    Pronunciation: ‘kA-liks also ‘ka-
    Function: noun
    Inflected Form(s): plural ca·lyx·es or ca·ly·ces /’kA-l&-“sEz also ‘ka-/
    Etymology: Latin calyc-, calyx, from Greek kalyx — more at CHALICE
    1 : the usually green outer whorl of a flower consisting of sepals
    2 : a cuplike animal structure (as the body wall of a crinoid or a division of the kidney pelvis)

  38. Jim
    Posted July 31, 2007 at 12:51 pm | Permalink

    Now that you’ve made it big, are you going to start selling man panties (ypsimanties)? Share the love and double your sales.

    Also, does anyone know what the original Ypsilanti Lady looked like? I wonder if that’s her at the bottom left of this page: http://www.ypsiunderwear.com

  39. jill
    Posted July 31, 2007 at 3:24 pm | Permalink

    I hate to say it, but there is also an Ypsilanti, GA.

  40. Posted July 31, 2007 at 7:56 pm | Permalink

    We knew about Ypsilanti, GA, but it doesn’t seem to have any population whatsoever. Thanks for signing the petition! (I’m assuming you’re the Jill B. that signed). Ypsilanti, ND must be stopped.

  41. mark
    Posted July 31, 2007 at 10:31 pm | Permalink

    Word is that we were on the front page of something like the “Flint Journal” yesterday. A friend from Portland was there visiting friends and saw us looking up at him from a rack at a gas station. The message he left on my phone was pretty funny.

    I don’t know if I want to go to war with the other Ypsilantis right now. What if we each take part of the name? Or, better yet, we all have to scramble the letters to come up with a new name. (That way, new signage doesn’t have to be made for public buildings and such.)

    And, yes, all the panties are going to Collin. He’s set up PO Boxes all around the country for this purpose. He’s just been waiting for the moment to strike.

  42. Posted August 1, 2007 at 12:05 am | Permalink

    ND’s Ypsi actually has a lot more cool per capita, just note the scary amount of capita:


    I was on the road when this was printed. Is the Ypsi Community News section allowed to sully the virgin eyes of Ann Arbourites? Or was it only seen in the “Ypsilanti Edition” for “Eastern Peons”?

  43. mark
    Posted August 1, 2007 at 12:53 am | Permalink

    I think, around here, it just came out in the Ypsi version, Leighton. I don’t think it would have flown in the Ann Arbor paper proper. I don’t get the sense they’re panty-positive.

  44. Posted August 1, 2007 at 2:26 pm | Permalink

    Seems like Ann Arbor might be one of the main places we’d want the positive Ypsi stories to be heard. Oh well…

  45. Posted August 1, 2007 at 3:06 pm | Permalink

    Mark –

    Inquiring minds – inquiring minds who wear medium+-sized underpants, so not me :( – want to know what the Ypsipanties are made out of. Cotton? Spandex? Lycra?

  46. mark
    Posted August 1, 2007 at 6:36 pm | Permalink

    95% cotton
    5% love

  47. Posted August 1, 2007 at 8:09 pm | Permalink


  48. mark
    Posted August 4, 2007 at 8:48 am | Permalink

    Just got word from Maui. The Ypsipanty story has finally made it across the ocean.

  49. Maria Andros
    Posted November 29, 2010 at 1:48 am | Permalink

    Why can’t they make them so they match up? I have an 18 hour bra, and a 24 hour thong. It’s like selling a dozen hot dog buns, but only 8 hotdogs in a pack.

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