the pants, they have been shat

I hesitate to share this as I know that my enemies can use it against me, but I am at the absolute weakest I have been in years. The flu bug caught up with me at 4:00 AM last night, and I was just now, at 1:45 PM, able to make it down the staircase. Other than for the occasional dash to the toilet, dripping cold sweat, I’ve not been out of bed since 8:00 last night, when I retired with my copy of “The Plot Against America.” So, come and get me trolls, those that covet my 45 miles-per-hour hybrid, and would-be suitors of my beautiful wife. I am absolutely defenseless (unless you consider that very remote possibility that you might slip in a pool of my vomit/sweat/runny stool) and my guard dog is lazy with worms. Now is your chance.

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  1. Posted May 5, 2005 at 2:08 pm | Permalink

    Nothing like the flu to bring a family closer together. I hope Clementine is able to avoid getting it.

    Feel better!

  2. john galt
    Posted May 5, 2005 at 6:45 pm | Permalink


    Sorry to hear you’re feeling poorly, you’ve always been my favorite morlock:) Couple of book suggestions for you, Fountainhead by Ayn Rand.. Or if you’ve never read it the foundation trilogy by Asimov.

  3. Ken
    Posted May 5, 2005 at 9:13 pm | Permalink

    I’m eyeballing that life-size cut out of John Ritter. I hope it isn’t hidden that good.

  4. kez panel
    Posted May 5, 2005 at 10:06 pm | Permalink

    i always thought of you as the joey ramone of bloggers… so stop faking the flu and get back to blogging.
    all the best,

  5. Brian
    Posted May 6, 2005 at 12:02 am | Permalink

    45 miles-per-hour you say? I’d drink a combination of vomit/sweat/runny stool for that kind of mileage.

    Where are thye keys?

  6. Anonymous Rex
    Posted May 6, 2005 at 8:37 am | Permalink

    How the hell do you get sick all the time? You have the immune system of a plastic bubble boy..

  7. dorothy
    Posted May 6, 2005 at 11:18 am | Permalink

    we’ve just added a doctor and 2 nurses to my potential commune. have you decided to sign up yet? yes, you can bring jeff kay along too. sounds like you need all the medical attention you can get.

  8. mark
    Posted May 6, 2005 at 9:41 pm | Permalink

    Joey Ramone wasn’t exactly the picture of health. And he died pretty young. I’d rather be the Regis Philbin of bloggers.

    As for your offer, Dorothy, it’s being considered. As of right now, we’ve got three offers on the table and we’re weighing our options. The doctor and two nurses, I think, puts you in the lead. One of the other bidders claims to have an easily defendable position with access to water though…. so, he’s right on your tail. I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, send the coordinates so that I can have them tatooed on my arm.

  9. mark
    Posted May 6, 2005 at 9:42 pm | Permalink

    My ass did a great interpretation of Ayn Rand’s Fountainhead for about 36 hours.

  10. mark
    Posted May 6, 2005 at 11:13 pm | Permalink

    Thank you all for your prayers. I am well again.

  11. Ken
    Posted May 7, 2005 at 8:54 am | Permalink

    I’ll take the literature of Mark’s ass for 500.

  12. mark
    Posted May 7, 2005 at 11:33 am | Permalink

    Let me know the next time you’re in town, Ken, and I’ll set something up. My ass usually does a nice summarization of the Fox News highlights about once a day (usually in the afternoon, after I’ve had multiple cups of coffee). I think you’d like it.

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