remedial international pupperty

Bush continues to tell us that things are going well in Iraq, and that the fighting we’re hearing about is confined to a few pesky “evil doers” in isolated trouble spots. He assures us that anti-American violence isn’t widespread, and that all-in-all we’re making progress, winning the hearts and minds of the people there. It’s hard, however, to reconcile those claims with the facts of the matter. Judging from the map that just ran in the New York Times (showing the locations of all of the 2,368 attacks to have been carried out against US forces over the past 30 days), I’d say that the persistent administration claim that everything’s fine, “except for in the Sunni Triangle,” is laughably ill-informed at best. (At worst I’d say it’s an outright lie meant to further mislead the American people.)

But who will people believe – the liberal map-makers of the New York Times, or their own god-fearing President? And why shouldn’t they believe Bush? After all, everything he says is being backed up by Iyad Allawi, the newly appointed Prime Minister of Iraq… Here’s what Mr. Allawi had to say about the matter a few days ago in a joint press conference with Bush:

(W)e also discussed the importance of holding free and fair national and local elections this coming January, as planned. I know that some have speculated, even doubted, whether this date can be met, so let me be absolutely clear that elections will occur in Iraq on time in January, because Iraqis want election on time. In 15 out of 18 Iraqi provinces, the security situation is good for elections to be held tomorrow.

Actually, now that I read that, I’m sorry I even posted that link to the New York Times piece. Clearly, things aren’t as bad as the liberal media would have us believe.

….Oh, but then there’s one last little thing to consider – the fact that members of the Bush administration had been scripting almost everything that Allawi said while he was here in the US.

Yup. We wrote significant parts of his speeches, like the one he delivered in front of the UN General Assembly… I personally wouldn’t think that would be the best way to go about proving to his fellow Iraqis, and the international community, that he’s not an American puppet, but what do I know of such things? Clearly these decisions are being made by people much more knowledgeable than I am, people who really understand and appreciate how something like this would play on the Arab street.

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  1. dorothy
    Posted October 5, 2004 at 4:50 am | Permalink

    bush sucks goat balls and he DOESN’T go to church! how’s that for a so called born again christian??

  2. mark
    Posted October 5, 2004 at 3:56 pm | Permalink

    I haven’t seen any verification of the goat balls thing, Dorothy, but there have been quite a few stories lately on his church attendance. I also read something the other day by a reporter who, during the 2000 campaign, asked him what his favorite scripture in the Bible was. Bush apparently gave an answer, and the reporter followed up by asking him if he’d read a bit of it. At this point the reporter handed Bush a Bible and he couldn’t find the chapter. He didn’t know if it was at the beginning, middle, or end of the Bible. The story may not be true, but it seems plausible.

  3. mark
    Posted October 5, 2004 at 4:55 pm | Permalink

    Speaking of Iraqi puppets…. “Team America” is getting ready to come out.

  4. Posted October 5, 2004 at 7:56 pm | Permalink

    I heard that story. I think it was Matthew, the first book in the New Testament (really easy to find in the Bible). This may just be a rumor. I do think that I could beat Bush in a Bible quiz, and I haven’t ever read the whole damn thing. In looking for the Bush story, I did find this site which presents cracked Bible codes and which tells us absolutely nothing for certain except this: “Watch and Be ready,
    For your Lord shall come
    At a Day and Hour that
    You Do Not Expect.”
    No wonder Bush is so fond of “Matthew.” Was this also David Koresh’s favorite book in the Bible? Anti-Christ?

  5. dorothy
    Posted October 6, 2004 at 4:23 am | Permalink

    this story is positively TRUE!!! i heard the interview on NPR. it was during aug. or sept. in the 2000 campaign. story was aired on morning edition.

  6. Jim
    Posted October 6, 2004 at 11:31 am | Permalink

    I want to believe, but I suspect that this story is too good to be true. Following the advice, “Seek and ye shall find” (Matthew 7:7), I came up empty at google and at

  7. mark
    Posted October 6, 2004 at 5:05 pm | Permalink

    Maybe Kerry could toss him a Bible during the next debate and ask him to read Matthew 7:7. That might make for some nice TV.

  8. Jim
    Posted October 7, 2004 at 5:26 am | Permalink

    That would be like asking OJ to try on the glove.

  9. Tony Buttons
    Posted October 8, 2004 at 6:14 am | Permalink

    I cannot think of a rhyme for, “If the scripture fits, you must reelect.” Maybe,

  10. Jim
    Posted October 9, 2004 at 2:43 pm | Permalink

    How about “If he finds the quote, he gets your vote”?
    On I-94 west of Ann Arbor are two obscene Bush/Cheney billboards; one reads, “Boots or flipflops?,” and the other, “One nation _under_ God” (with “under” underlined), as if to imply that Kerry believes that the nation is or should be in some other spatial relationship to the Almighty. And what kind of boots are we supposed to prefer to flipflops? Cowboy boots? Combat boots?
    They try to impugn Kerry’s masculinity and his religious faith in just two pithy slogans. How can these guys sleep at night?

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