giant jesus torso spotted in ohio

Its one of those things you really dont expect to see in your day-to-day life You dont wake up in the morning and think to yourself, I very well might see Jesus Christ this morning. And, even if you did think that, you probably wouldnt expect that his head would be the size of a fully-inflated hot-air balloon and that the rest of him would be hidden beneath the ground like an old man beneath a quilt. Well, thats exactly what Linette and I saw this weekend as we were making out way down highway 75, toward Kentucky. There, just a little off in the distance, we could make out what thought looked like a giant, angry man extricating himself from the earth. As we got closer, we recognized him as Jesus Christ. (We might have guessed it was a giant Glen Campbell, if not for the fact that he seemed to be digging himself out of the soil with an enormous crucifix.) Not really knowing how to react, we kind of beeped a little beep of support on the horn and we kept on going Our hope is that hes freed himself by now.

In case youd like to know, Giant Jesus was buried in front of a place called the Solid Rock Church. I cant say for certain, but it would appear that they buried him there, up to his neck, in order to attract parishioners.

Jesus as advertising.

If theres any justice at all, Jesus, once freed, stomped the church like Godzilla did Tokyo.

If you want to hear the gospel as preached at the Solid Rock Church you can download recordings here. (If youre just interested in studying up on religious fanatics in general, you might enjoy the Helzer case in California. Just sentenced to death in California, Helzer wanted to turn, Brazilian orphans into private assassins who would, as teenagers, kill 15 leaders of the Mormon Church.)

(On a related note, I was just sitting here thinking that it would be really interesting if a nearby mosque decided to construct a five story tall sculpture of the Prophet Mohamed coming up out of the sod. I wonder how the church would counter. I wonder if it would play out like the nuclear arms race did between the US and the Soviet Union. I think that would make a nice childrens book.)

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2 Comments

  1. Anonymous
    Posted September 10, 2004 at 9:59 pm | Permalink

    Let us not jihad over this my friend. You have my sincere apologies. TB

  2. Mark
    Posted September 11, 2004 at 4:33 pm | Permalink

    Im sorry. I thought that it I was clear that I wasnt actually suggesting that a Muslim group should build a giant Mohamed. And, I certainly wasnt saying that there was a Muslim group out there in the world churning out giant, plaster statues of the Prophet. I am aware of rule against idols, and I recall how happy some Muslim folks were when the giant statues of the Buddha were destroyed by Molla Mohammad Omar in Afghanistan. I was merely suggesting in my post that the people of Ohio might not be so receptive to the idea of a five-story Prophet. I suppose my mistake was going that one step further and wondering if there could ever be an arm race of sorts between two religious groups, each building bigger and bigger statues of their gods. Yes, it would be very unlikely that the Muslims would do this. Actually, I imagine that it would be quite unlikely that any religious group would do this. I was simplyhow should I say thisusing my imagination. I dont think that makes me the next Salmon Rushdie. Its not like I was going into business selling giant statues of Mohamed or something like that.

    I happen to like my idea of a giant Larry Flynt statue much better anyway. Hopefully readers of Hustler wont begin writing in saying, Readers of Huslter would never build a statue of Larry Flynt. It makes no sense and we demand that your suggestion be removed.

    Again, I am sorry that my attempt at humor either upset or confused you. It was not intentional. And, for what its worth, I dont think Ive ever expressed an anti-Muslim sentiment on this site. While I do have issues with extremists of all religious sects, I dont hold any animosity for those who practice their religions in peace.

    I have to go now.

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