A reader of MM.com has just written in to say that hes located JD Salingers home in New Hampshire and that hes ready to do whatever I think is in the best interest of our little online community. Im tempted to suggest that he do something foolish, like stand outside Salingers bathroom window and whisper, Whatchya hold’n, Caufield? (I cant take credit for that. I read it on the wal, next to the urinal, at a bar frequented by Eastern Michigan University English Department faculty.) Or, pop out from behind a shrub and snap a photo of the reclusive author as he begins violently swinging his cane. But I respect both him and his privacy too much Which leaves me with this dilemma. What can we do that will neither harm nor bother Mr. Salinger, but at the same time will be interesting and worth doing for the rest of us?
In an era in which disk jockeys send couples into St. Patricks cathedral to fuck live on the radio during mass, Id rather not try to compete on that side of the continuum. Id rather go for subtle the opposite of Shock and Awe, if you will. Id like for us to do something understated, yet compelling perhaps even thought provoking.
We could check the pressure of his tires for him. We could chip in for a gift certificate for the Gap that could be left anonymously in his front door No, putting myself in his shoes (which I do quite often), I dont think thats a good direction to head in. I dont get the impression that he would like someone stepping on his property, regardless of what they might be carrying.
Maybe wed be best served to just stake a little MM.com sign in his front yard, snap a photo and run like hell. Perhaps the sign could say something like, MM.com. I like this Maynard better. (Thats a reference to his ill-fated love affair with Joyce Maynard, the young, skinny co-ed who wrote a tell-all book about her time spent with the author, auctioned his love letters, etc.)
Or, how about this? Ive learned my lesson. I like my Maynards middle-aged, male and fat.
OK, I need to go to bed now, but Im convinced that if we all put our heads together we can come up with an elegant solution that we can be proud of or at least not be ashamed of.
So, leave a comment, and toss an idea out here for the rest of us to chew on Your free ride at MM.com ends right now. Its time for you to show us what you got, smartypants. (hollow threat: Unless I get 20 posts, there will never be another update to this website.)
