a few random thoughts before I go upstairs and start rummaging through my old salinger, pynchon and vonnegut books, desperately looking for baby names

I didnt watch the movie of that guy getting his head cut off today. From all the links Im seeing on the internet, I think I must be the only one though. Its everywhere. Im afraid to follow any links tonight because Im afraid of what might pop up. Someone told me that even Salon.com has it. I cant imagine that they would, but maybe they do. I heard people on the radio discussing it on the way home from work. They recounted the screaming, the knife and the blood in graphic detail, the way it coated the feet of the men doing the cutting. It made me feel ill. As I have absolutely nothing to add to the discussion, thats where Ill stop on this subject Actually, there is one thing I do have to say mankind is doomed.

My ring finger just began swelling up a minute or two ago. It feels like Ive bitten by something In case something bad happens to me, please tell the doctors in charge of my case that it started in my ring finger Im home alone now. Linette, my pregnant wife, is out at the bar. Im starting to worry that I might go into shock or something and that she wont be here to call an ambulance. (If an itchy palm means that youre going to come into money, what does an itchy ring finger mean? Is it possible that Im going to be getting a second wife? Maybe Linettes recruiting someone at the bar right now, a second wife to help us with the all the work once the baby comes.)

I had an idea today for a bar coaster that says, “Youll never leave this bar alive?” If I had an assistant, Id ask for him or her to start on a business plan. As I have no one though, Ill just jot the idea into my blog and forget about it. (note 1: If you steal this idea, or any of my other ideas, my ghost will haunt you and your family forever.) (note 2: I suffer under the delusion that hundreds of people read this site each day just looking for ideas to steal.)

I have another idea thats ripe for stealing. Do you know that photo of the Iraqi prisoner standing on the box in the matching black hood and poncho, with electrodes hooked to his fingertips? Well, when I first saw that image, the idea popped into my head that the abused prisoner, in his pointed hood, looked like a black Christmas tree Well, my idea would be to somehow incorporate that image into a Christmas card, if Bush is somehow able to maneuver himself into another term as President. Im picturing a cartoon of the prisoner covered in lights, with a star at the top of his hood. Beneath is arms could be a stack of presents like, Freedom and Security. Then, in the foreground, Bush could be saying something about the example set by Jesus and how we need to hold it close to our hearts at Christmastime.

I learned earlier today that the formerly-independent Ypsilanti Courier has just been sold to Heritage Newspapers, a group thats apparently been actively acquiring newspapers in SE Michigan. While I dont much like the idea of media consolidation and the disappearance of local journalism, I cant really complain in this case. As Ive only bought one copy of the Courier over the past decade though, I dont really feel as though I have a right to complain I dont know if I will really follow through, but Ive just floated the idea of perhaps trying to put out a quarterly Ypsilanti-centric publication. I dont know if what I have in mind could possibly work, but I think it might be cool to give it a shot Im thinking of a fairly crude 16-page, single-color tabloid that aims to cover its costs with advertising revenue and a five to twenty-five cent purchase price. As there are a number of free publications available in the area, Im not sure that it would work, but I think Id like to give it a shot. Plus, I think I know a pretty good crew of people that could help me pull it off. Anyway, consider this warning. (If it does happen, I may have to start returning money that people have sent for subscriptions to Crimewave. I cant imagine that Linette and I would be able to handle two publications.) I just love the idea of a little local publication that can be bought at every coffee shop and bar for one coin. It appeals to the history lover in me.

For the last few weeks it seems that there have been stories going around town about people stealing bulk food items from the local Big Boy. Once, I think it was a crate of Patty Melt cheese. Another time it was something like a hundred pounds of frozen corned beef Anyway, while out walking the dog a few days ago, I think that Linette and I ran across the evidence of yet another frozen processed food burglary. There it was in front of us, a giant box full of once-frozen meat sauce. The box, which was opened, seemed to have about 20 smaller boxes in it. Three of these smaller boxes had been removed and opened. Their contents had been poured into the dirt. The contents of the rest of the box appeared to be untouched Well, after walking by these same pieces of evidence for about three days, we noticed that the larger box and its contents were suddenly gone And, as the opened containers were still there, it seems obvious to us that no one just decided to clean up the alley No, Im afraid to say that I think its very likely that someone picked up the unopened boxes of un-refrigerated meat sauce with the intention of reselling them If I was already running that local newspaper of mine, Id be well on my way to having a Pulitzer.

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