too chubby for saddam

This quote comes from the Wall Street Journal’s editorial e-mail.

“Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, facing a likely U.S.-led invasion to oust him, has cut the pay of every overweight government official and armed forces officer,” Reuters reports. “Saddam’s decree said on Wednesday any official whose weight is found during a compulsory bi-annual fitness check up to ‘exceed the allowed limit’ would have his salary and bonuses halved.”

I think it’s great that he’s got time to think about something like this now. You just know this happened because he saw some fat, sloppy guard at one of the royal palaces calmly sucking fried chicken grease off his stubby little fingers, with an empty bucket of FKC sitting at his feat.

I can see it like a movie playing out in my head. Saddam is frantic, worried about the coming attack and the threat to his life. He’s pacing the halls of his palace. Then, he turns a corner and sees Abu (I’m picturing an Iraqi Tom Arnold) sucking on a chicken leg, with grease stains all over the front of his uniform… Abu is shot, a memo is drafted, and Saddam, now distracted, has a good night’s sleep.

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