the fake press conference about the fires would have been hotter with male prostitutes

I was just reading up on the staged government press conference that took place the other day in California, in which FEMA employees, posing as journalists, lobbed softball questions at their boss. While looking around the internet for video of it as it aired on FOX, it occurred to me that our nation’s first, trailblazing prostitute/reporter, Jeff Gannon, might have something to say about it. So, I did a quick search. And, guess what? Gannon is still blogging, and, believe it or not, he has an opinion on this newest development in the evolution of fake government news. He doesn’t see anything wrong with it.

Gannon argues that liberal media has forced the administration to find creative ways to get the “real” news out to American citizens. Like the guy or hate him, you have to admit he’s got enormous balls. (If you don’t believe me, you can see his balls for yourself.) I miss the early days of media manipulation, when administration officials had to actually go out and hire prostitutes to toss softballs at administration officials. It wasn’t at that point even a job that a somewhat-self-respecting intern would take. If not for pioneering folks like Jeff Gannon there wouldn’t be an industry now. He broke down the barriers, so that now anyone can do it. He’s like a fake news Rosa Parks. And what thanks does he get? The occasional luncheon with the Cheneys, but that’s about it.

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20 Comments

  1. Posted October 31, 2007 at 7:57 am | Permalink

    Old Media Ablaze Over Staged FEMA Presser

    Liberal activists and the Old Media are aghast and outraged over a press conference conducted last Tuesday by the Federal Emergency Management Agency. Reporters were only able to listen to a department spokesman respond to questions about relief efforts for the California wildfires posed by other members of the FEMA staff. Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff appropriately chastised the sham press conference and promised an investigation and disciplinary action and the White House expressed its displeasure with the incident.

    Surely no one at FEMA believed that the staged event would not immediately be discovered and criticized. What could the motivation have been for such a stunt? Perhaps FEMA wanted an opportunity to present its version of events before the Old Media created its own reality about the fires and the actions of the agency. News consumers had already listened to reporters making comparisons to the federal response to Hurricane Katrina and attempting to find fault with the handling of relief efforts. California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger had to take ABC’s Claire Shipman by the hand to convince her that everything possible was being done and that she should stop trying to invent mistakes and shortcomings. Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid and other environuts demagogued the tragedy as evidence of the effect of global warming, while California Democrats like Sen. Barbara Boxer and Lt. Governor John Garamendi incorrectly claimed that relief efforts were impeded by having troops and equipment in Iraq.

    One of the lessons learned in the wake of Katrina is how the unaccountable Old Media are able to create a false impression that their ideological soul mates in the Democratic Party use for political advantage. In my book, “The Great Media War: A Battlefield Report”?, I detail the flawed coverage of one of the greatest natural disasters in American history – a record that has yet to be corrected.

    When I learned of the fake news conference, I expected that the characterization of Jeff Gannon as a “phony reporter”? would be revived. Liberal media activist Keith Olbermann noted it on his nightly train wreck of a talk show and the lefties of the blogosphere dutifully repeated it ad nauseum. This is a classic case of how a lie becomes reality, since the record proves otherwise. I was as real as a reporter gets, writing over 500 articles as a White House correspondent, a job that Secret Service records indicate I actually showed up for more than 200 times over the course of two years. The veracity of my work as a reporter has never been successfully challenged.

    Further, in 2006 – a year after my supposed exposure as a”phony reporter” – my peers accepted me into the National Press Club, the most prestigious association of professional journalists in the world. My book about the media will be featured at the National Press Club’s 30th annual book fair on November 1. Not bad for a “fake, fraud and phony.”?

  2. Posted October 31, 2007 at 1:42 pm | Permalink

    Hey! Check out the web-traffic graph at the link above. Mark Maynard and Jeff Gannon are locked in an epic battle for “New Media” supremacy. Look at how back in January 2006, while Jeff was weak, Mark snuck up from behind and overtook him. Mark’s early hold wasn’t strong enough though, so Jeff was able to slip out from under it as he came right back in January. Now, with the taste of dominance fresh on Mark’s tongue, he came back with a vengeance. February, March and April all belonged to Mark, and Jeff looked beat. However, our muscular Mr. Gannon, not being one to just roll over and submit, mustered his own comeback. So in May he managed to flip Mark back beneath him. Jeff’s show of dominance was temporary though, and Mark wasn’t giving in easily either, so he was back on top in June. This back and forth continued through the hot summer months, as the sun beat down on their sweaty bodies, and they struggled with one another for dominance. July went to Jeff, though that month things were very tight, and Mark was beginning to surge. He continued to, right into steamy August, as Jeff felt the full weight of Marks strength over him. But this only excited Jeff, and he began to feel stirring within himself, a small surge of his own. This, just as Mark’s surge suddenly collapsed, and he fell down toward Jeff. And so in September, they were locked tightly once again, with Jeff on top this time, but still oh so close to Mark.

  3. Steph's Dad
    Posted October 31, 2007 at 2:47 pm | Permalink

    Am I the only one to spontaneously ejaculate while reading Robert’s comment?

  4. mark
    Posted October 31, 2007 at 9:33 pm | Permalink

    What an odd thread this is. First, I get a comment from the man himself. And then I get gay porn to the point of – at least in one instance – climax. And all it took was three comments. There are other active threads with close to 100 comments and no where near this much action.

    And I am starting to fear you, Robert.

  5. maryd
    Posted October 31, 2007 at 10:13 pm | Permalink

    Mark, Apparently you too are the stuff, eh?

  6. Posted November 1, 2007 at 6:48 pm | Permalink

    Did you notice the “Search Analytics” section on the site analytics graph I linked? It shows the two most common keywords for your sites too. Jeff’s top key words were “newyorktimes political cartoons & jeff gannon.” Yours were “mark maynard & ball shaving!”

  7. Robert
    Posted November 6, 2007 at 5:29 pm | Permalink

    Mark, I won’t even dignify your accusations toward me regarding my “gay porn” comment above except to say, sure I’ve made mistakes in my past (last Wednesday). Does my past mean I can’t have a future? Does it disqualify me from being a journalist here on markmaynard.com? Mark criticizes me for being a Christian and having posted some of these questionable comments in my past (see above). I believe in a God of forgiveness. I’m gentle and sensitive like that. For $200 per hour, you could find that out for yourself.

  8. mark
    Posted November 7, 2007 at 10:25 pm | Permalink

    When you said in an earlier thread that you, “owed me an enchilada,” what exactly did you mean?

  9. Posted November 12, 2007 at 11:28 am | Permalink

    http://faultgame.com/images/rimshot.wav

  10. mark
    Posted November 12, 2007 at 11:58 am | Permalink

    Thank you, Robert. That was a nice surprise.

    Can everyone start using sound effects?

    (I’m home from work today, trying to get caught up on all of these projects of mine. I’ve been putting Shadow Art Fair posters all over town, and now I’m proofreading the revised 16th issue of Crimewave so that I can take it to Kinko’s and get it coppied.)

  11. Posted December 11, 2007 at 9:03 pm | Permalink

    Holy crap! Did you see your traffic numbers for November, Mark? You had the best month you’ve ever had by far. Your November traffic was up 210% from October, and up 357% from November 2006.

    James Guckert’s site has continued it’s decline. People are so unfair.

  12. mark
    Posted December 11, 2007 at 11:13 pm | Permalink

    Maybe now’s the time to acquire his site.

  13. Robert
    Posted January 7, 2008 at 1:36 pm | Permalink

    The December numbers are down from November but still pretty high, and you are still on top of Gannon, in a continued show of your dominance and manliness.

    When do we do the start-up on our new web-site http://www.hotchickenhawkshills.com?

  14. Posted November 6, 2008 at 1:28 pm | Permalink

    I watch FOX News a lot…mostly for the foxes.

    Speaking of which, here’s great quiz I found today on radaronline.com Follow the link and take the quiz. See how many Fox News anchors you can distinguish from porn stars.

    http://www.radaronline.com/quiz/2007/10/fox_news_anchor_or_porn_star.php

    Steve Swan, I’ll be very disappointed if you don’t get 100%.

  15. Robert
    Posted October 22, 2009 at 11:45 am | Permalink

    Jeff Gannon gave up on his web site. You won, Mark.

  16. Erik
    Posted October 22, 2009 at 3:48 pm | Permalink

    Is the URL available?

  17. Robert
    Posted October 23, 2009 at 10:25 am | Permalink

    No, Erik, some German sports activities site has snatched the URL up.

    I was probably thinking the same thing you were…haha.

  18. Robert
    Posted November 13, 2011 at 3:30 pm | Permalink

    I’m curious to hear what Jeff Gannon has to say about the Jerry Sandusky case. After all, who would have a more informaed perspective than he?

    I’d also like to hear what he thinks of the Franklin-Boy’s Town cover-up. Has he seen the banned documentary, “Conspiracy of Silence”?

  19. Posted November 13, 2011 at 7:45 pm | Permalink

    What’s Gannon up to these days? Do you know?

  20. Robert
    Posted November 15, 2011 at 4:41 pm | Permalink

    I haven’t been able to find anything on the interent that would direct me to what he is doing these days. maybe he’s had his name changed again and is doing another “special” job for the GOP.

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