down twelve steps to armageddon

Just when you thought that things couldn’t possibly get any worse… Last night, standing in line at the grocery store, I noticed that the National Enquirer was reporting that Hurricane Katrina had blown our President right off the wagon (and, it stands to reason, out of the arms of his personal savior, Jesus Christ). I may be giving the Enquirer way too much credit here, but my guess is that this isn’t a story that they’d fabricate, given the liklihood of a lawsuit.

When I drink, I don’t trust myself around a telephone, let alone a car. I can’t imagine what it would be like constantly having “the nuclear football” within reach… Let’s hope the Emergency War Officer whose job it is to hold the football is good at deflecting the advances of drunks and changing the subject when the President starts to mumble about “evil doers.” (“How ’bout them Redskins, Mr. President?”)

update: I just wrote a joke…

“What’s the difference between George W. Bush and New Orleans?”

“New Orleans will eventually dry out.”

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11 Comments

  1. Tony Buttons
    Posted September 26, 2005 at 9:12 am | Permalink

    It’s been my experience that it’s a hell of a lot faster to get down the twelve steps than it is to get up them.

  2. dorothy
    Posted September 26, 2005 at 10:41 am | Permalink

    here in pa. that rumor is making the rounds also. a local tv talk show made reference to bushie’s misbuttoned shirt and stories coming from unnamed aides. i hope he is indeed falling down the twelve steps—-sorry about that, it was extremely unkind to enjoy his distress. he did bring it on himself though. oh well.

  3. Shanster
    Posted September 26, 2005 at 1:18 pm | Permalink

    dot-
    That’s not just unkind, it’s perverse. Speaking of perverse, when Bill Clinton was going through his dark time, the people I knew continued to show respect for him as the leader of the country, and prayed for him as a fellow fallen human being. Granted, many on the right were being just as sharkish as you are, but that’s no excuse. If your family has ever had an alcoholic, I hope you never have to see what Tony refers to. I do, and I have, and it’s not pretty. Your schadenfreude makes me ill, but that probably makes you even happier.

  4. Bill
    Posted September 26, 2005 at 4:18 pm | Permalink

    Not a comment on the veracity of the story, just a thought on the likelihood of a lawsuit. The US Supreme Court has made it very difficult to sue newpapers when the plaintiff is a public figure and the alleged defamation regards a matter of public concern. Without getting too legal-eze, Bush would be the plaintiff, clearly a public figure, and his sobriety is clearly a matter of public concern. Even if the NI got it wrong, they would be almost impossible to sue.

    In response to Shanster: well dot’s pleasure may be perverse, but the Clinton analogy is inapt. Bush’s sobriety and control of his disease endangers American lives. President Clinton’s blowjobs primarily endangered his marriage.

  5. Posted September 26, 2005 at 4:44 pm | Permalink

    Not a bad joke there. I might have to use that.

  6. chris
    Posted September 26, 2005 at 5:58 pm | Permalink

    I too, do not wish George Bush or his family the heart ache of active alcoholism. I feel he was never ready for prime time, and I do not feel as a result of his drinking he could do worse. I personally believe that he was never in charge of this country but more a puppet whose strings have always been grossly visible.

    The Clinton analogy does not apply. And Shanster, the suggestion that people you know continued to respect during the Lewinsky affair him is absolutely ludicrous. Your group was absolutely goulish in their personal perverted pleasure over his indiscretions.

    Also, Shanster I find your empathy for anyone having any type of social or personal weakness suspect given your past post histories.

    I am somewhat relieved to know that he has had a drink as I naively take this to be a sign that he is a conscious human. I have now opened myself up to the howls of many here and fear that Tony will never love now.

  7. Shanster
    Posted September 26, 2005 at 6:53 pm | Permalink

    Chris-
    Suspect me all you want. I didn’t tell one joke about him while he was going through his stuff. At my mostly-conservative church we stood against slandering our commander-in-chief. You can consider me guilty for not silencing the rest of the idiots, but I can only control my own actions.

    Bill is right, Bush’s insobriety would pose a greater threat to national security than Clinton’s infidelity. My point was the respect issue. If I may insert a personal story here: I was taught to respect the office of the President by my union-supporting Democrat Dad, when I disrespected Ford, who had interrupted an important episode of ‘Happy Days’ to give some ridiculously boring speech about pardons. Dad punished me for showing disrespect, even though he fundamentally disagreed with the man.

  8. chris
    Posted September 26, 2005 at 9:00 pm | Permalink

    Shanster, with all due respect:

    But, if you feel that though you acknowledge Bush’s drinking is a greater risk to national security than Clinton’s infidelity, how can you support his administration at the expense of criticizing Clinton’s?

    Or am I confusing your politics more w/ John Galt’s. Believe me, I have tried to find some modicum of respect for Bush. In fact, to some degree I have. Though his administration has made me wistful for the Reagan era, I feel that Bush truly believe’s in his convictions and those beliefs are being manipulated by some very ugly players.

    However, I have never once felt that this man has had the intellectual capacity or political experience to lead this country. And this is in part why he has been given this opportunity. As too many people have identified w/ him in this way as a means to validate their historical entitlement.

    A commander in chief in a democratic society should only be respected to the extent that he respects his constituents. Time and time again he has demonstrated that he does not, or more likely cannot, respect them. This is in part evidenced by his and his administration’s failure to respond to America and its greater need. Whether it be the Kyoto conference, his abhorrent tax credits to the rich and draining of the coffers w/ his ridiculous tax rebate, his failure to reinstate the draft to support a war with no working game plan, or most recently his callous inaction to Katrina and the New Orleans’ inadvertant holocaust.

    Sorry, I know you hate run on sentences almost as much as I hate this administration’s run on political rhetoric.

    And dude, you just dated yourself. Happy Days? I had no idea you were that old. That old being as old as me.

  9. Jim
    Posted September 26, 2005 at 10:33 pm | Permalink

    As the Fonz would say, “Whoa.” Shanster is our David-Sedaris-praising, Pat-Robertson-condemning, conservative friend. I think, Chris, that you are confusing him with someone else.

  10. mark
    Posted September 26, 2005 at 11:33 pm | Permalink

    The sad truth is that it was probably just a matter of time… The more that we see things unfold the more clear it is that the guy isn’t evil, but just a dim-witted tool of corporate America and the Republican elite who got in way over his head… If there were a way to get some distance from it, I might even be able to feel sorry for the guy.

  11. Doug Skinner
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 12:02 am | Permalink

    There’s also a rumor that Bush had a mild stroke, which might explain his slurred speech, his smirk, and some of his odd behavior.

    My father was severely alcoholic, and I don’t wish that on anyone. That wouldn’t help the situation. I just hope that Bush’s cronies soon plant him in some cushy pseudo-job where his arrogance, incompetence, and hypocrisy can cause less damage and cost fewer lives.

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