dirty bombs and magazines: choosing our priorities

A few weeks ago, when I first heard the rumor that the Justice Department, under the leadership of Alberto Gonzalez, would be focusing their attention on pornography, I didn’t think it could possibly be true, not with the threat of terrorism here at home, the corporate scandals, the war profiteering, and everything else we have going on right now. Apparently, however, it was true. Here’s a clip from today’s Washington Post:

The FBI is joining the Bush administration’s War on Porn…

Early last month, the bureau’s Washington Field Office began recruiting for a new anti-obscenity squad. Attached to the job posting was a July 29 Electronic Communication from FBI headquarters to all 56 field offices, describing the initiative as “one of the top priorities” of Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales and, by extension, of “the Director.” That would be FBI Director Robert S. Mueller III…

The new squad will divert eight agents, a supervisor and assorted support staff to gather evidence against “manufacturers and purveyors” of pornography — not the kind exploiting children, but the kind that depicts, and is marketed to, consenting adults.

“I guess this means we’ve won the war on terror,” said one exasperated FBI agent, speaking on the condition of anonymity because poking fun at headquarters is not regarded as career-enhancing. “We must not need any more resources for espionage.”

I don’t know about you, but it would kind of piss me off if I lost friends or family members in a biological or nuclear attack, knowing that we’d kept teams of agents off the streets so that they could count the number of times that men on video ejaculated in or around the orifices of other consenting adults.

I bet you’re wondering what else our nation’s number one law-man has on his agenda… Well, it looks like when he’s not sniffing out acts of consensual sex, he’ll be fighting to “overturn a federal court ruling that the Pledge of Allegiance can’t be recited in public schools because it contains a reference to God.”

Anything to keep the evangelical base happy, even if it costs the lives of Americans, right? The important thing is that our children be forced to accept God, and that we aren’t allowed to see pictures of weiners rubbing up against butts.

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3 Comments

  1. Tony Buttons
    Posted September 21, 2005 at 11:38 am | Permalink

    Hopefully, the terrorists will wrap their bombs in dirty pictures so that our agents can find them.

  2. ChelseaL
    Posted September 21, 2005 at 4:33 pm | Permalink

    Funny, Tony B.

    On the subject of the pledge of allegiance–say that name to yourself again: “pledge of allegiance”– am I the only person in this country who thinks it’s wrong to instruct children to recite a loyalty oath every weekday?

  3. mark
    Posted September 22, 2005 at 12:16 am | Permalink

    I don

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