If you attended last month’s Shadow Art Fair and bought a copy of the magazine “Stupor” from my friend Steve Hughes, please pay very close attention… If you have in your possession the most recent issue of “Stupor,” the fifty-cent mini-issue entitled “Pooped and Plundered: Jellyfish and Their Amazing Sting,” it should be destroyed immediately! If you think that it’s in your house, but don’t know exactly where, you must immediately get your family out and then set your house on fire. And, in the unfortunate event that you have read this issue, it’s been recommended that dig your eyes out with a fork and have the first quarter-inch of your brain sliced off.
It’s just come to Steve’s attention that what he had in good faith sold as a piece of well-written entertainment, was in fact terribly bad, and he feels just horrible about it. In fact, Steve has offered to replace every issue sold with a brand new, much improved issue — making him, I think, the first zine publisher in the history of the world to care about such things. Anyway, if you bought an issue from the man pictured here, please tear it up, burn it, and drop the remains (once cool) into an envelope. Then mail it to: Crimewave USA, PO Box 980301, Ypsilanti, MI 48198 along with your address. Steve assures me that all returns will eventually be replaced. So, for God’s sake, get the hell out of your chair, find that shit, and destroy it… Seriously, please find them and destroy them. Steve says he can’t sleep knowing that they’re out there.
“a stupor in the house is worse than a snake on a plane.” — Mark Maynard
8 Comments
He’ll never get our copy back. It will grace the back of our toilet forever. (Or until our house burns down.)
I think the citizens wronged by this cruel piece of work should demand more than simply replacement of their faulty zines. I think they should demand a special issue comprised entirely of images of destroyed remains of the faulty zine that have been returned.
I dugg ootu my eyes andd niw cant seee tik burn down my houise
I don’t have a copy of “Stupor.” Can I burn some old newspapers, and send you that?
By all means. Burn all of your garbage and send it to me… And I very much like the idea of a zine consisting only of images of the same said zine destroyed. We might try that for the new issue of Crimewave.
What if I’m having trouble getting mine out of the frame I put in (it looks so great on the living room along with all that partially stripped wallpaper). Is there some kind of free assistance?
“stupor is as stupor does…”
Steve will, if necessary, rent a hazmat suit and come to your home to extract the offensive material.