For those of you who don’t already know it, Michael Crichton, the author of “Jurassic Park,” is a far-right lunatic. As you may recall, the plot of his last book revolved around some evil environmentalists who were perpetuating the hoax of global warming in order to terrify and manipulate the masses, and amass wealth, or some such bullshit. (You know how evil those environmentalists are.) Well, as you may also recall, a lot of writers called him on it at the time. One such writer was a Washington-based journalist for the “New Republic,” Michael Crowley, who penned a piece called “The Jurassic President.” In it, Crowley pointed out the enormous scientific gaffs in the book, as well as the outright lies, and drew attention to the fact that Crichton had gotten a private meeting with the President to discuss global warming when no respected climatologists had been given the opportunity. Apparently the story pissed Crichton off.

In his latest book, entitled “Next,” Crichton introduces us to a character named Mick Crowley. Mick, like the real-life Michael, is a Yale-educated political columnist in Washington. He also happens to enjoy - are you ready for this - anally raping infants. And, yes, you read that right. Check out the following clip from “Next”:

…The defendant, thirty-year-old Mick Crowley, was a Washington-based political columnist who was visiting his sister-in-law when he experienced an overwhelming urge to have anal sex with her young son, still in diapers. Crowley was a wealthy, spoiled Yale graduate and heir to a pharmaceutical fortune…

It turned out Crowley’s taste in love objects was well known in Washington, but (his lawyer)–as was his custom–tried the case vigorously in the press months before the trial, repeatedly characterizing Alex and the child’s mother as “fantasizing feminist fundamentalists” who had made up the whole thing from “their sick, twisted imaginations.” This, despite a well-documented hospital examination of the child. (Crowley’s penis was small, but he had still caused significant tears to the toddler’s rectum.)

How fucking insane is that? And what publisher in his or her right mind would condone that kind of behavior from one of their writers?

So, here’s my idea. We launch a wiki and collaboratively write a short story about a past-his-prime novelist named Mick Crichton who enjoys… Hmmmm…. You know, it’s not really easy to think of something more offensive to say about a person than that he anally rapes infants with a tiny dick. Maybe Crichton isn’t past his prime after all.

[Crowley, to his credit, seems to be handling it well.]

update: I went ahead and acted on my idea about a collaboratively written short story featuring Mick Crichton. You can check out the story as it develops here. (So far, it’s pretty good. If you want to join in, the password is “asshole.")