Helping Paul Anka rewrite “My Way” for Donald Trump’s inauguration

Well, the mystery is finally over. We now know who Trump finally got to perform at his “very elegant” inauguration gala. Word came out just a little while ago that Paul Anka would be performing the song My Way. While I’d like to make fun, I think it’s actually fitting to kick off the Trump administration with the lyric, “And now, the end is near.” So I’m not going to make light of the fact that Trump, having been turned down by everyone from Elton John to Kiss, had to go and get an elderly Canadian, who hasn’t even had a song on the charts for the past five decades, to perform for him. I did, however, want to share the following, as I heard that Anka would be rewriting some of the lyrics for the occasion. These are just my initial thoughts on a few improvements. I’m sure, working together, we can do even better. So please leave your comments.


update: Well, that was fast. Anka now says he’s decided to back out of the gig in order to spend the day with his son. So I guess it’s back to the drawing board. Hopefully Tiffany Trump is ready for the call.

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  1. Posted January 13, 2017 at 11:28 pm | Permalink

    And, yes, I think “pussies, I’ve grabbed a few” is probably the most brilliant thing I’ve ever written.

  2. Posted January 13, 2017 at 11:33 pm | Permalink

    And that next line, if you can’t read my handwriting, is “but, then again… because I’m a germaphobe… too few to mention.

  3. Kim
    Posted January 14, 2017 at 8:10 am | Permalink

    Birtherism has to be in there somewhere.

  4. Jean Henry
    Posted January 14, 2017 at 9:16 am | Permalink

    While your at it, Have a go at this one:

  5. Bob
    Posted January 14, 2017 at 2:22 pm | Permalink

    I’m surprised he pulled out. He is one of the biggest dickbags in the history of showbiz. I highly recommend his autobiography. His complete insufferability is riveting.

  6. Posted January 14, 2017 at 5:46 pm | Permalink

    I want it to be Chachi and only Chachi. I picture an agitated Trump tweeting up a storm, glancing up and yelling, “Chachi–you’re the Rockettes now!” and Chachi dutifully gets up and goes and kicks his legs. Then he sits down and it’s quiet save for the sound of Trump’s tiny fingers on his phone. He looks up and says, “Chachi, you’re Springsteen now!” and Chachi gets up and does his own version of “Born to Run”. This keeps happening, which Chachi playing all the parts while Trump just keeps tweeting about his amazing inauguration.

  7. jean henry
    Posted January 14, 2017 at 6:47 pm | Permalink

    Looks like Chachi will have to do the Freedom Girls too then:

  8. anonymous
    Posted January 15, 2017 at 9:27 am | Permalink

    You need to work in Bannon, Alex Jones, and Comey.

  9. Morbid Larson
    Posted January 15, 2017 at 3:58 pm | Permalink

    Fuck all that.

    Check out this nyatiti band I’m in in Kenya. New video.

  10. Posted January 15, 2017 at 8:52 pm | Permalink

    Are you offering to perform at the inauguration, Pete?

  11. Jean Henry
    Posted January 16, 2017 at 9:33 pm | Permalink

    I suggest this as the inaugural theme:

  12. Morbid Larson
    Posted January 17, 2017 at 5:18 am | Permalink

    I would love to play the inauguration. I’m that desperate to get this music heard.

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