Being Mark Maynard

As I don’t feel very much like posting anything here tonight, I thought that I’d just share this short Facebook exchange between myself and Ypsilanti landlord Stewart Beal, who apparently discovered a secret tunnel below Ypsilanti earlier this evening.


The reason I don’t want to post tonight, by the way, doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that Stewart Beal, as this very minute, could be crawling into my mind through a tiny door, like John Cusack in Being John Malkovich. I just really want to watch the new Netflix series The Get Down, having read an incredible interview with Grandmaster Flash about how the show came about earlier this evening. If you want to watch through my eyes, just get Beal to show you were the door is and crawl up into my head. I’m going to start watching at 9:30, though, so you’d better hurry.

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  1. anonymous
    Posted September 1, 2016 at 9:54 pm | Permalink

    How much could Beal get for access to your mind? I think, in the movie, they were selling access to Malkovich’s mind for $200 a session.

  2. Arthur
    Posted September 2, 2016 at 5:43 am | Permalink

    People are digging tunnels to escape from Beal properties?

  3. Eel
    Posted September 2, 2016 at 6:21 am | Permalink

    It’s one of Rick Snyder’s newly licensed subterranean “teaching through mining” charter schools.

  4. EOS
    Posted September 2, 2016 at 7:46 am | Permalink

    I wonder how big the spider was that made that web.

  5. Rat
    Posted September 2, 2016 at 8:07 am | Permalink

    I’ve never been in a Beal property, but, from what I’ve heard, that looks about right.

  6. Posted September 2, 2016 at 8:32 am | Permalink

    Mark: This cracks me up.

    Arthur: No this is a tunnel into the property. The 28 unit apartment building is fully occupied with a long waiting list so they are tunneling in.

    Rat: I would welcome an opportunity to give you a tour of our properties. In the mean time check out,, and for an example of the properties we offer our tenants. Property management is a hard business and things don’t always go perfectly so I understand some negativity from time to time but I trust after even just a initial review you will think positively.

  7. Meta
    Posted September 2, 2016 at 8:32 am | Permalink

    The confrontation scene.

  8. Dziesma
    Posted September 2, 2016 at 8:41 am | Permalink

    Another move-in ready property offered by Beal!

  9. Donald Harrison
    Posted September 2, 2016 at 8:42 am | Permalink

    >>>i’m game to film you walking through that door, MM>>>

  10. site admin
    Posted September 2, 2016 at 8:53 am | Permalink

    This post has earned the #YpsiReal tag on Facebook.

  11. Anonymous
    Posted September 2, 2016 at 12:26 pm | Permalink

    If I’m not mistaken, these are the catacombs that Steve Pierce travels though at night, on his Segway, spying on those above him through their heating vents and plumbing fixtures.

  12. Trick or Treat
    Posted September 2, 2016 at 2:01 pm | Permalink

    Stewart, can we open up the tunnels on Halloween?

  13. John Coleman
    Posted September 2, 2016 at 2:10 pm | Permalink

    There are more of these tunnels in the old downtown. A maze of them underneath – with secret rooms – some open and some locked – and a few of the rooms have been bricked shut. What they contain … nobody knows!

  14. Dr. Hunahr Fram
    Posted September 2, 2016 at 2:17 pm | Permalink

    The Hollow Ypsilanti hypothesis proposes that the city of Ypsilanti either is entirely hollow or otherwise contains a substantial interior space. The scientific community has dismissed the notion since at least the late 18th century. The concept of a hollow Ypsilanti recurs many times in folklore and as the premise for subterranean fiction, a subgenre of adventure fiction (A Journey to the Center of the Ypsilanti, At Ypsi’s Core). It is also featured in some present-day pseudoscientific and conspiracy theories.

  15. XXX
    Posted September 3, 2016 at 1:03 pm | Permalink

    If you sweed BJM, EOS has to be the “sad man” who goes into your head. Promise.

  16. dennis
    Posted September 4, 2016 at 8:38 pm | Permalink

    That picture looks very much like the apartment I had when I rented from Beal at 206 N Washington.

    It had dirt floors and when the woman who lived above me would flush her toilet, shit would fill my kitchen.

    I can’t complain too much, the shit that flowed into my kitchen would kill the bedbugs.

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