The perfect comic book ending for the 2016 Republican primary

I know it’s highly unlikely that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer, and more unlikely still that, if he were, he’d decide to come out of retirement during the upcoming Republican National Convention, but, given how the primary has gone thus far, it really wouldn’t surprise me if he walked out on the stage in Cleveland, heavily armed and wearing a black hood, and gave us the bloody comic book ending to the 2016 presidential race that we Americans so justly deserve. I can picture it all. Cruz licking his thin lips, shiny with the grease of machine gun bacon, with his lizard-like tongue, his black eyes flashing behind his hood as tells the crowd with his first burst of gun fire that they’ll be his slaves in the afterlife… “I am not sick, I am insane, but that will not stop the game,” he yells as he climbs upon the back of Donald Trump and begins to ride him through the screaming crowd, gunning people in Chinese-made “Make America Great Again” hats down indiscriminately.

[note: This was written very late at night after having lifted my self-imposed, month-long ban on sugar, wheat, dairy, alcohol, caffeine, processed foods, fried foods, and everything else that makes life worth living. After a few beers and a plate of nachos, I must have drifted off into a dark dream world. When I awoke, I grabbed my computer and started typing.]