You only have until midnight to influence the course of global sausage eating history

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Two adorable little boys in jumpsuits were seen parading a giant stuffed sausage through the streets of Ypsilanti yesterday in anticipation of Sunday’s third annual Wurst Challenge benefiting the work of FLY Children’s Art Center.

As of right now, eleven individuals have entered this year’s Wurst Challenge. We won’t, however, know which ten will be facing off against our ten 20-foot-long sausages until the end of the day. It all depends on who raises the most money for FLY Children’s Art Center, and we’re going to keep collecting contributions right up until midnight. So, if you’d like to influence the course of history and either keep someone from the competition, or propel someone into first place, now’s your chance to do it. Just make a tax-deductible contribution to FLY in the name of one or more of our our competitors today.

Here are the standings as of 3:30 PM on Saturday:

The Big Gulp representing Team Smoot: $1,355.39
Buck Von Thundergut representing Duo Security: $686
Yacob representing HookLogic: $670
Knifebeard Sausage Hawk: $460
The EMU Fearless Flightless Birds: $300
Jim “Colonel Mustard” Cherewick: $240
Caleb “The Schnozz” Zweifler: $220
007: Quann’tum of Sausage representing Ypsi Schools: $205
Cre “The Bun Smuggler” Fuller: $205
Quinn “Fill ‘Er Up” Phillips: $184
Wurst Erobert Die Welt: [just entered]

I know it’s unlikely, but, if this were a movie plot, someone would coordinate a last minute “money bomb” to push everyone’s totals above those of returning champions Team Smoot, forcing The Big Gulp from the competition altogether, and completely changing the dynamics of the event completely. Or, conversely, maybe Team Smoot, which presently has a comfortable lead, could begin moving their money around in such a way as to drive someone they hate (or fear) from the competition. Or, what if an unknown masked candidate entered just under the wire, got herself into the tenth spot with a self-funded donation, and then showed up tomorrow in a cloud of smoke to eat the entire 20 feet of meet put down before her in a matter of minutes, and then just disappeared, never to be seen again?

Whatever your idea, if you’d like to change the course of history, you can make a tax-deductible contribution in the name of one of these heroic individuals right now, and help a terrific local non-profit in the process.

And do come out tomorrow and join us at the Wurst Bar. It should be fun.

[The third annual Wurst Challenge, a fundraiser for FLY Children’s Art Center, will be held Sunday, May 22nd at Ypsilanti’s Wurst Bar. Doors open at 5:00. Frantic sausage eating commences at 6:00. For details, click here.]

Posted in Art and Culture, Special Projects, Uncategorized, Ypsilanti | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Let the record show, Cre Fuller may be a bun smuggler, but he’s no wiener thief

It’s just come to my attention that a WEMU listener who heard my interview yesterday about this weekend’s Wurst Challenge thought I said that one of last year’s competitors – my friend Cre Fuller – ducked out with his 20 feet of sausage early in the competition and started selling it outside for his own financial gain. What I actually said was that Cre was asked to leave the competition when it was discovered that, having eaten his fill, he began selling sections of his 20 foot long sausage under the table, in buns that he’d smuggled in for the occasion. And, for what it’s worth, I also said that he gave all of the proceeds to FLY Children’s Art Center. What’s more, I mentioned this as an example of how awesome people were in finding creative ways, within the parameters of the Wurst Challenge, to support the very important work of FLY… So, if you’re out there looking for Cre right now, either to bring him to justice for sausage theft, or hoping to buy a delicious stolen sausage from him, please turn around and go back home. Are, even though he looks as though he could be one, is neither a sausage thief, nor a back alley sausage peddler. He’s just a good guy who cares about increasing creative opportunities for kids in his community… If you should happen to agree, you can make a Wurst Challenge donation in Cre’s name here.

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I should also add that, while it’s true that he didn’t grab a 20 foot long sausage and run last year, Cre was found guilty by us judges of smuggling hotdog buns into the venue, which is strictly prohibited in the Wurst Challenge rule book. And, as that’s the case, we’ll be watching him very closely come Sunday. [note: As I think bun smuggling is a serious issue, I’ve proposed to the owners of the Wurst Bar that they create an ad campaign around a character called the Bunsmuggler… kind of a local version of the Hamburgler… which we can use to start a meaningful dialogue with kids. So far, they have not responded.]

[This post appeared earlier today on Facebook in a slightly abbreviated form. I wanted to copy it here, however, so that I could, for the first time ever, use the tag “bun smuggling.” And, perhaps more importantly, I also wanted to record this comment left on Facebook by Matt Jones: “Everyone knows that the only sausage Cre sells in the back alleyways of Ypsi is his own.”]

Posted in Art and Culture, Special Projects, Uncategorized, Ypsilanti | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

It’s a beautiful day in Ypsilanti

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As I write this, I’m sitting on the roof of 209 Pearl Street with a cup of ice cold cider after a long day of work, listening to the Hare Krishnas chant in the distance, and watching strippers roll joints in the alley below. It’s kind of magical.

Posted in Mark's Life, Uncategorized, Ypsilanti | Tagged , , , | 10 Comments

25 year old video surfaces of a very young, and disturbingly happy, Mark Maynard kissing Peter Larson

Remember how, a while back, I told you that I’d received word from Oregon that a 25 year old video of my band, Prehensile Monkey-tailed Skink, had surfaced? Well, it would seem as though the tape is now in the hands of someone who intends to tease, torture, and perhaps blackmail me with it. I received an envelope earlier this week with an Oregon postmark, and inside was a heavily smudged gold disk containing a single, 10-second video clip. The accompanying note, written on the back of a label peeled from a can of Dinty Moore beef stew, said simply, “What would your fellow bloggers think?”

Here’s the clip…

For what it’s worth, I don’t think that I’m actually kissing the young Dr. Peter Larson in this clip. I think I’m just licking the sweat from his face.

Posted in Art and Culture, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 16 Comments

Jim “Colonel Mustard” Cherewick needs your helps as he represents all the musicians of the world in epic Ypsilanti sausage fest

I’d been informed by the governing body that oversees the Wurst Challenge that, as a judge, I should try my best to give the impression of impartiality. And, until this evening, I think I’ve done a pretty good job of it. A few hours ago, though, I received a desperate call from my friend Jim “Colonel Mustard” Cherewick, who, unable to resist the temptation of 20 feet of free meat, just recently signed on to be a competitor. Apparently it had started to eat at him that only about $100 had been donated to FLY Children’s Art Center in his name, whereas well over $1,000 had been raised by another competitor, a man known as The Big Gulp. “He doesn’t even play in a band,” Jim mumbled sadly, “and I play in about half a dozen.” I told him that everything would work out, and that his parents, siblings and bandmates were probably just waiting until the very last minute before opening their billfolds and launching him into first place. “Just in case, though,” I told him, “I’ll make a graphic for you that you can share with everyone, so that they know you’re in the competition, and trying to raise money for FLY.”

And here’s what I came up with…

If you like it, please consider making a contribution to Jim “Colonel Mustard” Cherewick.

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[note: The above should not be interpreted as an endorsement on my part. I love all of our competitors equally. I just feel a little more protective of Jim, as he’s like a little brother to me.]

Posted in Art and Culture, Uncategorized, Ypsilanti | Tagged , , , , | 10 Comments

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