Totally Quotable Arlo: Super Bowl edition


As we didn’t want Arlo to inadvertently see a nipple, we put him to bed before halftime. When I woke him up this morning and told him that the Broncos had won, this was his response… I think a lot of people probably had the exact same thought. Thankfully, though, he didn’t have any money on the game… at least as far as I know.

Speaking of Janet Jackson’t exposed nipple and the controversy it generated in 2004, I’m wondering what kind of academic research may have been done to determine the adverse effect it had on the children in the viewing audience that evening. Do we know, for instance, if there was a spike in early sexual activity among young people that can be attributed to Jackson’s halftime “wardrobe malfunction”? Are there thousands of “nipple babies” out there that we don’t talk about… children born to kids who viewed Jackson’s nipple for that split second and then immediately became sexually active?

[If you’ve got a few extra minutes, be sure to check out our Totally Quotable Arlo archive.]

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  1. Eel
    Posted February 8, 2016 at 9:14 am | Permalink

    More children were harmed by watching Cold Play last night than by watching Janet Jason’s nipple 12 years ago.

  2. Meta
    Posted February 8, 2016 at 9:34 am | Permalink

    You’ll want to search “Nearly Naked Breast Disorder.”

    From a trusted news source:

    “U.S. Children Still Traumatized One Year After Seeing Partially Exposed Breast On TV”

    “By the time CBS cut to an aerial view of the stadium, the damage was done,” said Wasserbaum, who has also worked extensively with orphaned and amputee children in Third World war zones. “I’ve found that children can be amazingly resilient, but this event was too much for many of them to take. The horrible image of that breast is likely to haunt them for the rest of their lives.”

    According to the 500-page report filed by the FCC, more than 90 percent of the children who saw the exposed breast said they were “confused and afraid.”

    “Mommy has dirty chest bumps,” said a 5-year-old boy quoted in one of the thousands of case studies compiled by the FCC. “She’s like the bad lady on TV. I’m afraid Mommy will take off her shirt and scare everyone. I hate Mommy.”

    Girls were traumatized as well, often expressing apprehensions about sexual development. According to Wasserbaum, one 8-year-old girl told her parents that she didn’t “want to get evil breasts.”

    Wasserbaum said children of both genders associate their trauma with footballs, presumably because of the context in which they were exposed to the breast.

    A great number of children who witnessed the tragedy are still plagued by nightmares of sun-shapes that recall Jackson’s nipple ring. Of the infants who saw the breast, 76 percent are unwilling to breast feed or use a bottle, forcing their parents to nourish them intravenously.

    “When the tragedy took place, we knew it would cause psychological trauma, but we had no idea how long the effects would last,” Wasserbaum said.”Our worst fears have been confirmed. It will take years to repair the damage.”

    Cases of deviant sexual development induced by breast-glimpsing are widespread amongst older children. Pathologies range from schoolyard exhibitionism to gender-role confusion and violent shirt-tearing.

    “The FCC imposed the maximum $27,500 penalty on each of the 20 CBS-owned television stations,” Wasserbaum said. “But the government offered no recompense to the individuals exposed to the breast. And neither Jackson nor Timberlake has ever specifically apolgized to the children whose lives they ruined, or donated a penny for the adolescents’ psychiatric care.”

    Across America, parental concern over the condition doctors have dubbed Nearly Naked Breast Disorder continues to grow.

    Read more:

  3. anonymous
    Posted February 8, 2016 at 9:54 am | Permalink

    In all seriousness, over half a million people complained about Jackson’t nipple, saying that permanent damage could have been done to children.

    “Just days after the Super Bowl, it’s reported that over 200,000 viewers had contacted the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) to complain about Jackson’s performance. Court documents later revealed that over 540,000 people filed complaints with the FCC about the incident, although that number was inflated by conservative and watchdog groups mass-calling the commission. FCC Chairman Michael Powell calls Jackson’s nip slip “a classless, crass, and deplorable stunt” and promises to take further action.”

  4. Kevin
    Posted February 8, 2016 at 10:36 am | Permalink

    I don’t know about kicking faces off, but Aqib Talib nearly pulled Corey Brown’s face off.

  5. Jean Henry
    Posted February 8, 2016 at 10:56 am | Permalink

    US children are often exposed to nipples within hours of being born. These are end times I tell you. End times. I keep yelling about and nobody listens.

  6. XXX
    Posted February 8, 2016 at 1:12 pm | Permalink

    He should have woken up and said “Peyton Manning can eat shit.”

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