The impressive street value of my dog

Apparently I’ve got quite a commodity. This evening, after responding to a young man’s question about Ollie’s sex, I was given the following piece of advice… “Get some puppies out (of) that bitch,” he said enthusiastically, “and make some money!”

As I didn’t want for him to laugh in my face for being a sucker, I just thanked him for the tip, and walked on, choosing not to mention that I’d actually just payed a few hundred bucks to have her spayed. Now, though, I’m wishing that I’d told him.

No more than ten minutes after receiving the above advice, another young man stopped me. He asked what kind of breed she was, and I told him that she was some kind of bull mastiff mix. Taking a step closer, he then asked if she’d been fixed. I told him that she had, and that was apparently all he had to hear to immediately lose interest. He walked away without another word. While I don’t think that he would have necessarily picked her up and run off with her if I’d said that she hadn’t been fixed, it was a strangely tense conversation, and it makes me wonder if maybe I need to make a little vest for Ollie that says something like, “No Uterus” on one side, and “Zero Street Value” on the other.

Here’s a photo I took of Ollie this evening. I’m not sure what it is about her that’s attracting so much attention today. I guess, though, that maybe some people can sense it when “bitches” come of age.


Speaking of dogs in Ypsi, has anyone else noticed that there are more giant, unleashed dogs just laying around in people’s front yards than ever before? I can deal with rabid dogs running along fence lines, barking and flashing their sharp, foam-covered teeth, but it kind of sucks when you’re dependent upon someone sitting on a porch drinking beer to come down and grab the collar of a lunging dog just so that you can just make your way down the sidewalk.

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  1. K2
    Posted September 1, 2015 at 5:26 am | Permalink

    You need to invest in a dog burka.

  2. anonymous
    Posted September 1, 2015 at 6:07 am | Permalink

    Maybe they were just engaged in a round of dogspotting. Are there points in orthodox dogspotting for determining reproductive status?

  3. Kit
    Posted September 1, 2015 at 8:48 am | Permalink

    It’s like you’re walking around town with a $1000 bill on the end of a leash.

  4. kjc
    Posted September 1, 2015 at 9:29 am | Permalink

    sooo cute.

  5. Andy LaBarre
    Posted September 1, 2015 at 10:07 am | Permalink

    Cute dog. In high school a friend and I bred our hedgehogs. While I wouldn’t say we made a lot of money “out that bitch” I will say that we saw a small economic windfall. And big windfall in cute.

  6. Anonymatt
    Posted September 1, 2015 at 10:13 am | Permalink

    You should always call a spayed a spayed.

  7. Amie
    Posted September 1, 2015 at 10:17 am | Permalink

    I often get puppies for rescue groups from a Facebook page called Detroit: Buy Sell Everything. Most of these dogs are destined for dog fighting and just general neglect. People try to sell/ trade them for all kinds of things. Once someone offered me his litter for “FS” or a pistol. I had to google FS. I didn’t take him up on the offer.

  8. Lynne
    Posted September 1, 2015 at 10:20 am | Permalink

    It never occurred to me that a dog would have a street value.

    But then, a few years ago, someone stole my neighbors’ dog from their porch. By a stroke of luck, I saw it tied up outside the co-op when I was walking over to Sidetracks. I ended up getting into a fight with a lady who claimed it was her dog! Cops were called!!! It was wild.

    Luckily, the dog was returned to her rightful home. Interestingly, at one point the lady said that I didnt deserve the dog because she wasnt spayed*. She also said that her boyfriend gave her the dog. Now I wonder if they stole her to breed her. She;s a pitbull/boxer mix. And how can you look at a female dog and tell if it has been spayed or not?

    *she has since been spayed thanks to a program at HVHS which provided free spaying for pit bulls. That was perfect because the reason the dog wasnt fixed was financial.

  9. Mr. X
    Posted September 1, 2015 at 10:23 am | Permalink

    Would I be right to assume that “FS” stands for Fudge Samples.

  10. Grandma
    Posted September 1, 2015 at 10:48 am | Permalink

    You know this gives me, PAWS!!

  11. Meta
    Posted September 1, 2015 at 11:47 am | Permalink

    According to Urban Dictionary:

    “Full Service – conventional sexual intercourse”

  12. Julie
    Posted September 1, 2015 at 12:37 pm | Permalink

    This shit ain’t even funny. Did you hear about what happened to Scotty James’s dog, Lulu? Poor sweetheart lost her leg, due to a vicious attack from a neighbor’s dog. Y’all need to get together and get some enforcement going on in your hood.

  13. Amie
    Posted September 1, 2015 at 12:38 pm | Permalink

    It is illegal to have a dog off leash. I would encourage anyone who notices an off leash dog to report them.

  14. LAKE
    Posted September 1, 2015 at 9:26 pm | Permalink

    “Get some puppies out that bitch” I can see the compliment there, but the word bitch is misused so often we mentally flinch when we hear it, even in it’s proper context. I kind of like this quote. Translation: she’s a cutie and there should be more of her in the world. Aww.

  15. Lynne
    Posted September 2, 2015 at 9:47 am | Permalink

    I don’t think it is illegal to have a dog off leash on your own property though which is what Mark is talking about. Personally, I have always loved that Ypsilanti is pretty relaxed about dogs in general and off leash (but under control) dogs in particular. I used to sit on my front porch with an unleashed dog all of the time and I would still do it except that the current dog isn’t obedient enough.

    I hope to have a well behaved dog in the future that I can take down to Riverside Park for off leash fun. I used to go there all of the time on the regular but haven’t in the last few years because of the current dog. I like the informal dog park thing that goes on there.

  16. stupid hick
    Posted September 2, 2015 at 7:37 pm | Permalink

    LAKE: “Translation: she’s a cutie and there should be more of her in the world. Aww.”

    Uh, consider the breed and setting. Anyone have a different interpretation, like the youngster’s interest was to breed dogs for fighting or guard duty, not companionship?

  17. Jean Henry
    Posted September 3, 2015 at 11:42 am | Permalink

    Kudos Lynne! Calling the cops for an unleashed non-aggressive, well behaved dog is an absurdity unique to Michigan as far as I can tell. If a dog attacks another dog or human, it will be euthanized and the owner heavily fined. I don’t want to get into (another) discussion about how to properly care for the well being of animals. I will say many of these standards are culturally specific, and the Ann Arbor area community seems remarkable in its willingness to call in the cops re animal care and keeping, without bothering to get all the facts or speak to the owner. Well meaning people often make situations worse, for animal and human. There are invisible fences at many home which are…invisible. If a dog seems threatening, I suggest talking to the owner to find out the deal. Calling cops is completely unnecessary, and I know for a fact the cops consider those calls a nuisance. (That’s actually the term used ‘nuisance call’) I don’t give a shit what the law says about it. Municipalities have those laws to protect themselves from litigation. They are rarely enforced unless there is some sort of larger problem. I walked right by two cops in Ypsi last week with one dog on voice control and one dog leashed. They said nothing. They greeted my off leash dog warmly as he sat aside of the trail and they passed. As for the assumption that the dogs are wanted for fighting. I think it is far more likely that people breed dogs to avoid paying for them. Poor people do that everywhere. No one used to buy a dog where I grew up. We got puppies form the neighbor’s litters, or the dogs just wandered in. Please don’t make Ypsi as perversely precious about animals as Ann Arbor is. There are many ways to care for animals. It’s not necessary to assume other owners who do things differently are abusive or neglectful in any way.

  18. Frosted Flakes
    Posted September 3, 2015 at 12:51 pm | Permalink

    Sorry, but I have to strongly disagree. Having any dog off leash, in the city, is irresponsible! You want your unaggressive dog on leash to protect it from chasing things that can lead to accidental injury and also to protect your dog from aggressive dogs that are either accidentally unaccounted for, off leash purposely, or who have slipped off leash in excitement. When you choose to own a dog you are choosing to participate and support the larger community of dogs. Making an exception of your “good dog” can lead to a lot of accidents that, after the fact, make you look selfish, and rightfully so.

  19. Amie
    Posted September 3, 2015 at 1:07 pm | Permalink

    You can have an off leash dog on your porch but once it steps on the sidewalk you have broke the law. I have big problems with off leash dogs. Our parks are for everyone to enjoy and an off leash dog can be a very scary experience for some. If you want to play with your dog off leash please do so at a dog park or private property.

  20. Dog
    Posted September 3, 2015 at 3:33 pm | Permalink

    If you haven’t had an unleashed pitbull run at you off of someone’s porch you should probably recuse yourself from this discussion. We don’t live in Ann Arbor where the unleashed dogs are happy golden retrievers and they’re behind invisible fences.

  21. Stupid Hick
    Posted September 3, 2015 at 4:02 pm | Permalink

    @jean henry: I’m just a stupid hick, but “Get some puppies out that bitch and make some money!” doesn’t sound like the words of someone whose interest is selling cute dogs for companionship. The comment was made in reference to a bull mastiff, in Ypsilanti, not a parti poodle in Burns Park. Peaceful companion breeds don’t have any street value in Ypsi, as far as I know.

  22. Frosted Flakes
    Posted September 3, 2015 at 4:32 pm | Permalink

    Jean’s comment did not make sense because the person that approached Mark specifically said Ollie’s puppies would have monetary value. However, it is wrong to assume that the puppies of a certain sort would be used for fighting. The puppies have monetary value as companions, guard dogs and watch dogs (in Ypsilanti and out) regardless of what this individual who approached Mark intended.

  23. Stupid Hick
    Posted September 4, 2015 at 12:10 am | Permalink

    OK, I’m sorry. I wasn’t there and shouldn’t assume ugly motives.

  24. Pit
    Posted September 29, 2015 at 11:21 am | Permalink

    People really are out there stealing dogs. A beautiful dog was stolen in College Heights yesterday.

  25. Pit
    Posted September 30, 2015 at 3:27 pm | Permalink

    The stolen dog has been found and reunited with his owner.

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