On a very special Valentine’s Day episode of the Saturday Six Pack with Mark Maynard

I’ve never been a huge fan of Valentine’s Day.

Maybe I would have felt differently if I’d had a girlfriend at a young age, but, by the time I came to experience the holiday as part of a couple, I was already pretty much grown up, and cynical way beyond my years. The holiday, I thought, was for saps… people who were either didn’t have enough sense to recognize that they were being manipulated by those with a financial interest in the holiday, or were too weak to stand up to the societal pressure to conform. And, to be honest, I pretty much still feel that way. I still feel that it’s a holiday intended to make those of us in relationships feel insecure, and those of us not in relationships feel as though we’re worthless. So I don’t think I’m necessarily the best person in the world to host a local radio program on Valentine’s Day. But, alas, that’s what’s going to happen this coming Saturday night on Ypsilanti’s historic AM 1700.

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So, if you’d like to talk about sex, love and relationships with someone who isn’t terribly good at human relationships, give me a call. We go on the air at 6:00 PM, and the studio number is 734.217.8624.

As for what we’ll be doing, I’m not exactly sure. I’ve got a few things scheduled, but I’m still looking for ideas as to how we might fill the time that it takes for me and my guests to drink a six pack. Here’s what I know as of right now.

At 6:00, I will start the show with with a guest. Local pianist Ann Dahl will be stopping by to talk about the local dating scene. I don’t know this to be true, but, as Ann claims to have dated nearly everyone in Ypsi, I thought that we could talk about her experiences, and perhaps learn from them. (Don’t fear. She tells me that she will not be naming names.) Furthermore, she’s offered to join me in taking calls and offering relationship advice, which, I’ve heard from various sources, she’s quite good at. So, if you have questions about sex, dating or love, or even if you’d just like to vent about local dating experiences, or ask advice as to how to approach people at your local bar or coffee shop, call in. We’ll be taking calls throughout the entire first half hour of the show, and perhaps even longer, depending on how things are going.

At 6:30, Ann and I will be joined in the studio by Linda Jordan and Jim Cherewick, who perform together as Best Exes. According to Linda, the band’s name was inspired by a conversation with a former boyfriend, in which he referred to her as his “best ex.” I suspect they’ll play a song or two for us, and talk, among other things, about breakups, and what it means to be a good ex. And, if you like what you hear, you can head across the street to Beezy’s, where Best Exes will be taking the stage at 7:00, as part of what’s being called the Bleeding Heart Bonanza. (After Best Eexes, Truman will perform. Then, at 9:00, the film Wild at Heart will be screened.)

At 7:00, I’m told that Brigid Mooney will be bringing in another “shy comedian” for us to meet. And, after that, Heather Steenrod from Ozone House will be dropping by to tell us about their February 18 wine, cheese and chocolate fundraiser at Vinology for homeless LGBT youth, and drop off a few free tickets for a lucky listener. (We still need to figure out how we’re going to decide who gets them, but I’m sure we’ll come up with something.)

Also at 7:00, we’ll open up the studio phone lines for people with online dating stories that they’d like to share. The more disastrous, the better. And we may even hand out prizes for the best stories.

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And, other than that, I’m not so sure. I have ideas I’m kicking around, but I’m not sure how practical they are. Here are a few of the ones I feel are most promising.

1. We somehow get a couple of people unknown to one another to come in and have dinner in the studio by candlelight as we listen in and occasionally interrupt with questions. I’ve got a little card table at home, and a white tablecloth, and I’m thinking that I could probalby cobble somewhat romantic meal togehter by calling on local restaurant owners to contribute an item or two. The question is, how would we get the people to actually do it?

2. We could host a live, on-air dating game. The setup would be relatively simple. We’d just interview someone in the studio, and take calls from would-be suitors. Then, at the end, if we think we’ve found a promising match, we could send them on a date. (Maybe, I’m thinking, we could send them to the Ozone fundraiser together.)

3. We could have a doctor on to talk about STDs. (My first thought was to have a doctor in the studio, performing live STD screens for people on dates, but I doubt that any even remotely good doctor would go for it. I do, however, love the idea of standing outside the studio, with a bullhorn, encouraging people to come in for a free holiday crab check.)

4. We could send an emmisary into a local bar to find single people and bring them back to the studio to talk about being single on Valentine’s Day… and, maybe, just maybe, we could see if we could do a little matchmaking between them.

5. We could do something on Craigslist… just post that we’re looking for two single people to come out for a social experiment on Valentine’s Day, and then send them on a date together, along with a reporter from the Saturday Six Pack staff who would call in from their cell phone and give us updates on how the couple is doing.

If you have other thoughts, let me know. We still have a few days to make this great.

Oh, I should add that I asked Linette to co-host the Valentine’s Day show with me, but she refused. I thought that it would be romantic. She disagreed… Speaking of Linette, our first date… drinks at the old Tap Room… took place 22 years ago today.

As for listening to the show, unless you live really close by, I’d recommend streaming the show online, which you can do either on the AM1700 website or by way of TuneIn.com.

Click here for this week’s Facebook event page, where you can see who else in the community will be listening, invite your friends, etc. (As of right now, we only have a confirmed listeners, so we still have a few milliwatts to spare. Reserve yours now.)

Oh, and if you want to get caught up on back episodes of the show, you can find The Saturday Six Pack with Mark Maynard archive on iTunes.

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20 Comments

  1. Posted February 12, 2015 at 1:28 am | Permalink

    Toadies and sycophants, all of you.

  2. Caution
    Posted February 12, 2015 at 7:26 am | Permalink

    Approaching the line is fine. Please don’t cross it, though.

    http://gawker.com/radio-station-apologizes-for-letting-a-dj-get-a-rimjob-1673287608

  3. Posted February 12, 2015 at 7:55 am | Permalink

    While it’s true that almost anything can happen during the Saturday Six Pack, I can make you a solemn promise that, as long as I am host, there will be no on-air rim jobs.

    And, Pete, can I count on you to send it a love song from Kenya for this weekend’s show?

  4. Anonymous
    Posted February 12, 2015 at 10:07 am | Permalink

    If I were single and didn’t hate my own voice, I’d jump at an opportunity to go on a dinner date and have it broadcast.

  5. Ms. P
    Posted February 12, 2015 at 10:44 am | Permalink

    What about a segment where you pay to have an old boyfriend’s name removed from someone’s back?

  6. Lynne
    Posted February 12, 2015 at 12:22 pm | Permalink

    Maybe I’ll call in to give the bitter middle aged single lady perspective. ;) It might be better if I get really drunk first. ;)

  7. Posted February 12, 2015 at 2:40 pm | Permalink

    I just heard a weird story at lunch today, re: online dating. My friend was talking to a guy whom she had met online. Within a few minutes of starting the conversation, he asked, “So, have you met any serial killers?” She said that she hadn’t, and then the line went dead. He never called back, she didn’t try to call him back, and then all of his internet profiles disappeared. That might make a nice beginning to a horror movie, but I’m not sure where to go with it after that….

  8. Matt Roush
    Posted February 12, 2015 at 3:31 pm | Permalink

    How about interviewing the guys at the strip joint next door? What a way to spend Valentine’s Day. No, no, that might get really sad. Or violent. Either way, not good radio.

  9. Posted February 13, 2015 at 4:19 pm | Permalink

    What about a segment on the acceptable levels of roach parts and rodent feces in chocolate?

  10. Posted February 13, 2015 at 9:34 pm | Permalink

    More sycophants and toadies.

  11. Posted February 14, 2015 at 9:04 am | Permalink

    Tune in at 6:00, when sycophants and toadies will commence eating roach parts and rat feces from heart-shaped boxes for my amusement.

  12. Robert
    Posted February 14, 2015 at 8:02 pm | Permalink

    It is really amazing when you just stop to think about all the really great things Mark could do with his radio show…

    …and hasn’t.

  13. Posted February 15, 2015 at 8:35 am | Permalink

    You’re just mad because, out of the five six packs that have been consumed thus far, you only got one bottle, Robert.

  14. Posted February 15, 2015 at 9:55 am | Permalink

    I’m a bad toady. I had work to do, and didn’t listen. I hope it went well. The weather seems too cold for beer, though; maybe you should switch to whiskey.

  15. Posted February 15, 2015 at 10:37 am | Permalink

    Interesting.

  16. Robert
    Posted February 15, 2015 at 10:18 pm | Permalink

    You’re damn right I’m mad about that, Mark! I at least deserved to consume two of those beers – One for me, and one for my homie, EOS.

    Seriously, does it seem fair that I have gotten only a little more than 3% of the total quantity of beer consumed so far? How many of those fuckin’ freebees have you downed? Come on, be honest!

    I’m thinking the best way we can get square is for me to be the Joan Rivers to your Johnny Carson, and guest-host at least a quarter or your shows. I’ll spend the whole time conspiring behind your back of course. That’s just show business, baby.

  17. Concerned Reader
    Posted February 16, 2015 at 1:19 pm | Permalink

    All I see is more toadyism, more syncopation.

  18. XXX
    Posted February 16, 2015 at 3:15 pm | Permalink

    Can you give an example, Concerned Reader? I listened to the show live, and I heard no toadyism? And do you mean sycophantism?

  19. Posted February 16, 2015 at 7:55 pm | Permalink

    I’m glad that you keep listening to the show, Concerned Reader, even if it’s just to point out how I surround myself by toadies and sycophants. For the record, though, I didn’t know very many of my guests this week. (I’d never met Ann, Linda or Moragh before.) And, with two exceptions, I don’t think I knew any of the callers. So, if it comes across like these folks are my close friends and enablers, I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe you’re seeing something that doesn’t exist. Or maybe people just instantly fall in love with me when they hear my voice. If you’d like to try it out, I’d encourage you to call in and talk with me this Saturday… Give me a call and see if, when I say “hello,” your rage instantly washes away, and you decide to become a sycophant.

  20. Robert
    Posted February 22, 2015 at 12:35 pm | Permalink

    I have to admit, I was a little shocked when I happened by the studio a few Saturdays back and saw Mark’s pants down around his ankles, his bare buttocks exposed, and at least a half-dozen people gathered around taking turns kissing it. It seemed a little over the top for me. Still, I got a free beer out of it, so fuck you, Concerned Reader.

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