Finding out that she only loves you for your corpse…

Someone should remake Love American Style for the modern era the same way that Charlie Brooker brought back the Twilight Zone for a new generation in the form of Black Mirror… And the first episode, I think, should draw its inspiration from the following story.


If you haven’t read the news, it would appear that Charles Manson’s fresh-faced, 27-year-old fiancée, Afton Elaine Burton, known as Star, might not have actually loved the evil, old con man for his music, or even his politics, but for the value that his preserved corpse might have fetched on the open market. According to journalist Daniel Simone, Burton and her friend, Craig Hammond, had come up with the idea a few years ago to acquire Manson’s corpse through matrimony, with the intention of putting it under glass somewhere and charging people to approach it.

I would have thought it impossible for me to feel even the slightest twinge of sympathy for Manson, but these are strange times that we live in.

It’s difficult to imagine a more uniquely American love story, so perfectly reflective of the thoroughly hollow, nihilistic society in which we live… This, my friends, is the modern Valentine’s Day parable that I think we’ve all been waiting for.

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  1. Anonymous
    Posted February 10, 2015 at 8:36 am | Permalink

    There have to be easier ways to make a living.

  2. Eel
    Posted February 10, 2015 at 8:54 am | Permalink

    I’m 90% certain this is why Linette married you.

  3. idea man
    Posted February 10, 2015 at 9:33 am | Permalink

    I’ll agree that it’s a dark and depressing story, but just imagine how we could turn around the Water Street development if we were able to secure the glass Manson crypt for Ypsilanti. Just imagine the restaurants popping up around it, the t-shirt shops, the fudge stores. It would be a godsend.

  4. XXX
    Posted February 10, 2015 at 9:40 am | Permalink

    Should one of our local Ypsi women try to seduce him away from Star?

  5. anonymous
    Posted February 10, 2015 at 10:07 am | Permalink

    There’s also a story going around that she was after his hidden fortune:

    “Charles Manson’s Son Claims Star Burton Is After Serial Killer’s Hidden Fortune”

  6. Eel
    Posted February 10, 2015 at 12:24 pm | Permalink

    If we are able to secure him for Ypsi, I’d suggest that we put him in the window of the closed, junk filled store next to Beezy’s. Visually it would be an improvement.

  7. Scott Trudeau
    Posted February 10, 2015 at 12:56 pm | Permalink

    This sounds like an episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

  8. Kim
    Posted February 10, 2015 at 2:17 pm | Permalink

    Any plan that begins with “marry Manson” and ends with “profit” is a good plan.

  9. Mr. X
    Posted February 10, 2015 at 4:04 pm | Permalink

    Here’s an idea… we put him on a Segway and make him an animatronic ambassador for downtown Ann Arbor.

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