Introducing the Matthew Stafford Turnover Machine™

I read today that George Foreman has made twice as much money from the grill he lent his name to than he has from being a two time heavyweight boxing champion. And it occurred to me that if Detroit Lion’s quarterback Matthew Stafford had a product like that, he might not need his Lion’s paycheck anymore, making it possible for us to explore other options come next season…. Here’s the best idea I could come up with.

Who wouldn’t want their very own Matthew Stafford Turnover Machine™?


“It’s not just for Sundays!”

[note: Personally, I like Stafford, and I want to see him be successful here. And I hope that begins to happen now that the Lions have a new coaching staff in place – one that might command a bit more respect, and have a better idea as to how to motivate players. With that said, though, I’m not terribly hopeful given our history… And, yes, I know I suck with Photoshop.]

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  1. Posted January 17, 2014 at 9:46 pm | Permalink

    Who’s Matthew Stafford? I’ve never heard of him.

  2. SOL
    Posted January 18, 2014 at 2:36 pm | Permalink

    We keep saying that Stafford’s a leader, but he’s not. Maybe he’s just young, but he doesn’t appear to care. That’s the frustrating part. He has the technical ability. He just doesn’t work hard enough at it.

  3. Bob
    Posted January 18, 2014 at 4:10 pm | Permalink

    I started to write Peter Larson hates football but Peter Larson beat me to it.

  4. Posted January 18, 2014 at 8:28 pm | Permalink

    I think Pete’s written code so that, regardless of what I’ve written about, a “I’ve never heard of X” comment gets put up within minutes of a new article being posted.

  5. Bob
    Posted January 19, 2014 at 12:08 pm | Permalink

    I think a great game show idea would be “find something in normal, everyday American life that Peter Larson does not hate.” You could prop him up on a throne at The Corner Brewery and parade Norman Rockwell pictures and random pop culture items out and try to find something he won’t sneer at. You could raise money for charity like the Rick Snyder campaign fund or aids.

  6. Posted January 19, 2014 at 3:19 pm | Permalink

    Well, he obviously likes catchphrases.

  7. Posted January 19, 2014 at 5:11 pm | Permalink

    I didn’t say I hated football (well, I do hate football, but I didn’t say it. What a useless sport.).

    I said that I had never heard of Matthew Stafford, which is true. I hadn’t heard of him before Mark wrote this post.

    I’m still not sure who he is and why Mark would have written about him.

  8. Posted January 19, 2014 at 5:14 pm | Permalink

    I really hated Norman Rockwell until yesterday.

  9. Posted January 19, 2014 at 7:02 pm | Permalink

    Oh come on! The “Who is this person (Amy Winehouse)?” comment was CLASSIC!

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