Prepare to be eaten!

golden_record_cover_smAccording to a report released today, strong evidence exists that the Voyager 1 probe, which left the Earth’s orbit 36 years ago, may have finally passed out of our solar system, and entered interstellar space. And, had I not recalled the fact Voyager 1 contains a map showing the way to 24-hour human flesh buffet that is Earth, I may have thought that was pretty damn cool.

I’m not alone in my fear, by the way. Stephen Hawking, for one, agrees. “We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn’t want to meet,” said Hawking not too long ago. “I imagine they might exist in massive ships, having used up all the resources from their home planet. Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonise whatever planets they can reach.” In conclusion, the world renowned theoretical physicist says, it’s “a little too risky” to attempt contact. And that’s exactly what we’ve done with Voyager… We’ve launched a beacon into the universe, telling anything that will listen just how lush and wonderful it is on Earth. We even included photos showing how incredibly plump and well fed we are.

I suppose there could be an up-side. Maybe they could come to Earth, solve all of our problems, cure cancer, and leave without so much as taking a single specimen for their interplanetary zoo. More likely, though, the result would be considerably less rosy. Here, with more on that, is yet another quote from Hawking.

“If aliens ever visit us, I think the outcome would be much as when Christopher Columbus first landed in America, which didn’t turn out very well for the Native Americans.”

I couldn’t agree more… except I’m picturing them more like space suit-wearing Juggalos than 15th century explorers. Either way, though, it’s going to suck to be eaten.

And, as long as we’re on the subject, here’s a little something from our good friend Rod Serling. Enjoy.

Twilight Zone – To Serve Man from SpaceBoy J2 on Vimeo.

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  1. Posted September 13, 2013 at 6:25 am | Permalink

    I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.

  2. Edward
    Posted September 13, 2013 at 7:06 am | Permalink

    Being at the top of the food chain for too long makes one lazy. I think this could be a blessing in disguise. (Also, my hope is that Americans, like rats, taste bad because of all the garbage we eat.)

  3. anonymous
    Posted September 13, 2013 at 8:06 am | Permalink

    Great episode of the Twilight Zone.

    “How about you? You still on Earth, or on the ship with me? Really doesn’t make very much difference, because sooner or later, we’ll all be on the menu…all of us.”

  4. Eel
    Posted September 13, 2013 at 8:21 am | Permalink

    We need to travel back in time and defund NASA before it’s too late!

  5. Nicole
    Posted September 13, 2013 at 9:05 am | Permalink

    I see the golden record as a romantic archeological artifact. I think we’ll have destroyed ourselves long before any aliens come across it.

  6. XXX
    Posted September 13, 2013 at 9:22 am | Permalink

    You weren’t kidding. It really does give a map to where were are.

    “This diagram defines the location of our sun utilizing 14 pulsars of known directions from our sun. The binary code defines the frequency of the pulses.”

  7. Mr. Y
    Posted September 13, 2013 at 9:31 am | Permalink

    I like your interpretation, Nicole.

    It brings to mind Shelley’s “Ozymandias”.

    Here read by Bryan Cranston.

  8. Meta
    Posted September 13, 2013 at 10:16 am | Permalink

    The Voyager team at NASA answered questions on Reddit yesterday. Here’s one of their answers.

    DIRECTION OF VOYAGER 1 Voyager 1 is escaping the solar system at a speed of about 3.6 AU per year, 35 degrees out of the ecliptic plane to the north, in the general direction of the Solar Apex (the direction of the Sun’s motion relative to nearby stars). Voyager 1 will leave the solar system aiming toward the constellation Ophiuchus. In the year 40,272 AD, Voyager 1 will come within 1.7 light years of an obscure star in the constellation Ursa Minor (the Little Bear or Little Dipper) called AC+79 3888. DIRECTION OF VOYAGER 2 Voyager 2 is also escaping the solar system at a speed of about 3.2 AU per year, 48 degrees out of the ecliptic plane to the south toward the constellations of Sagitarrius and Pavo. In about 40,000 years, Voyager 2 will come within about 1.7 light years of a star called Ross 248, a small star in the constellation of Andromeda. EMF

    Read more:

  9. double anonymous
    Posted September 13, 2013 at 12:32 pm | Permalink

    Lampreys would taste better than human beings. I’m not afraid of being eaten. I think they’d take our water though. They’de come in at night like the Grinch and clean us out.

  10. Pellegrino Zebrowski
    Posted September 14, 2013 at 11:14 am | Permalink

    In the belly of an alien starship, a squid-like being relates to them the pitiless logic behind human-kind’s execution: the moment we learned to travel at relativistic speeds was the moment we had the power to do to them what they did to us first. The attack was nothing personal. Humanity was simply too dangerous a neighbor to have around.

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