“Death in the Tub… Is your child bathing with a killer?!”

Inspired by the television news folks, who, every February, ratchet up the sensationalism to DEFCON 1 during sweeps week, and break out their best “Is your toothbrush covered in microscopic traces of feces?” story, I snatched a few squirting bath toys away from Alro this evening, after seeing a little bit of black scum leak out of one as he bit down on it, and got to work dissecting them. I don’t know that it’s deadly, but what I found is certainly gross. And, as nothing else I’ve tried seems to increase my readership, I thought that I’d give tabloid journalism a shot… So, BEWARE the squirty bath toy! You could be putting your beloved child in DANGER!

BathToy1

BathToy2

BathToy3

BathToy4

[note: For all I know, this moldy, accumulated soap scum is good for kids. Maybe it’s an immunity-boosting super food. So don’t throw your kids’ toys out based on this post alone. I’m not a scientist. I didn’t analyze this stuff. I just find the thought of my son ingesting black mold to be kind of icky. But, then again, I also don’t let him drink kombucha.]

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13 Comments

  1. Eel
    Posted August 5, 2013 at 7:18 am | Permalink

    I know this is a post about children’s toys, but that bottom photo looks like a really gross vagina.

  2. Kim
    Posted August 5, 2013 at 7:32 am | Permalink

    From the first two photos, I was hoping that this would be a tutorial on how to make octopus sushi.

  3. K2
    Posted August 5, 2013 at 7:49 am | Permalink

    You can clean them out with vinegar. I’ve also heard that some people fill the openings with hot glue so that dirty water can’t get in.

  4. K2
    Posted August 5, 2013 at 7:51 am | Permalink

    I found a picture.

    http://www.diypinterest.com/glue-bath-toy-openings-to-prevent-mold-from-getting-inside/

  5. Megan
    Posted August 5, 2013 at 8:16 am | Permalink

    That is nasty. And Ed, i don’t what company you’re keeping, but that in no way resembles a vagina.

  6. Toad Hall
    Posted August 5, 2013 at 8:19 am | Permalink

    If vaginas looked like that, humanity wouldn’t have made it past the first generation.

  7. anonymous
    Posted August 5, 2013 at 8:41 am | Permalink

    Maybe the Chinese are sending them over with the mold already in them. Maybe this is a deliberate attack on the children of America.

  8. Joe
    Posted August 5, 2013 at 9:25 am | Permalink

    And now, if you don’t mind, I am about to go bleach my kids’ bath toys.

  9. double anonymous
    Posted August 5, 2013 at 9:54 am | Permalink

    The real lesson here is that children are filthy little creatures.

  10. adding something
    Posted August 5, 2013 at 10:44 am | Permalink

    For some reason this conversation reminds me of the “Mary Jane rotten crotch” line from Full Metal Jacket.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5Km7cATVvk

  11. Mr. X
    Posted August 5, 2013 at 4:13 pm | Permalink

    This is how Kumbucha is made.

  12. Cigaretter
    Posted August 9, 2013 at 2:15 pm | Permalink

    Yet another illustration of why children are for suckers. They’re filthy little creatures.

  13. female
    Posted August 11, 2013 at 8:47 am | Permalink

    Is this one of those “first world problems” I keep hearing so much about?

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