My thoughts on the Super Moon

supermoon

And, yes, there were plans afoot to take out the moon with nuclear weapons in the 50’s, before it became the ever-growing threat we know it to be today.

Speaking of space and all things sciencey, it occurred to me this morning, while brushing my teeth, that, if unquestionably cool astrophysicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson wanted to fund a manned mission to Mars, or something along those lines, he could probably raise quite of money by producing and starring in a late-night, soft-core feature for Cinemax in which he, playing an evil, fact-worshiping scientist, fakes his Christian teaching credentials in order to join the faculty of a far-right college in the heart of the Bible belt… full of sexy, uptight women… and then opens the door to co-ed hedonism by introducing the teachings of Darwin. Much to the chagrin of the university’s exasperated, sweaty, red-faced administrators, once Pandora’s box is open, there’s no turning back, as the young men and women of the college, which I’m envisioning to be like Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University, embrace the theory of evolution, and acknowledge their animal natures with reckless carnal abandon. I could go on – I’ve got almost the entire plot worked out in my head – but, I think I’ll leave it at that for the time being. I will say, however, that the film would be called “Bone” and the story would revolve, for the most part, around a spring break archeological dig on the grounds of a clothing optional resort managed by Iggy Pop and P.J. Soles.

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19 Comments

  1. Edward
    Posted June 25, 2013 at 6:08 am | Permalink

    Tyson hated the whole “super moon” thing. I’ll send a link if I can find it.

    As for the movie idea, it reminds me a little of “H.O.T.S.”, only with a scientific twist. Does anyone remember it from late night cable?

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079257/plotsummary?ref_=tt_ov_pl

  2. Edward
    Posted June 25, 2013 at 6:11 am | Permalink

    Tyson: “It’s A Slightly Bigger Moon, I Ain’t Using The Adjective Super”

    http://www.ibtimes.com/neil-degrasse-tyson-supermoon-astrophysicist-startalk-radio-says-its-slightly-bigger-moon-i-aint#

  3. anonymous
    Posted June 25, 2013 at 7:05 am | Permalink

    No discussion about blowing up the moon would be complete without a mention of Mr. Show.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdT2HqoV198

  4. XXX
    Posted June 25, 2013 at 8:38 am | Permalink

    BONE should be an acronym like HOTS. The O wold be for Orgy and the E for Evolution. After that I’m not so sure.

  5. XXX
    Posted June 25, 2013 at 8:45 am | Permalink

    I can picture in my head the man that would play Falwell. He’s a well known character actor but I can’t think of his name. He’d be perfect though as the exasperated head of the college trying to figure out why he’s losing his grip on the busty coeds.

  6. Eel
    Posted June 25, 2013 at 8:54 am | Permalink

    Anyone could blow up the moon. The real challenge is obliterating the sun.

  7. Tommy
    Posted June 25, 2013 at 9:35 am | Permalink

    ah, P.J. Soles! Never had a gym class quite like the one Riff Randle did!

  8. Alice Krum
    Posted June 25, 2013 at 10:00 am | Permalink

    NDGT was quite an attractive young man.

    http://i.imgur.com/XaCZO.jpg

  9. Knox
    Posted June 25, 2013 at 11:25 am | Permalink

    William Schilling, the principal from Head of the Class would make a great Falwell-like character.

    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0771717/

  10. Mr. Y
    Posted June 25, 2013 at 12:32 pm | Permalink

    If you want to kill the moon now, just wait a few weeks when Glenn Beck unveils his moon themed stage show.

  11. toad hall
    Posted June 25, 2013 at 1:26 pm | Permalink

    Can someone please make the DVD artwork for this!?

  12. Posted June 25, 2013 at 3:23 pm | Permalink

    Stop wasting your time on this shit and get to working on the remake of the She’s Gone video.

  13. GG
    Posted June 25, 2013 at 3:28 pm | Permalink

    The HOTS cover is great… “Danny Bonaduce AND a cast of Playboy playmates!” Who could ask for more?

    http://www.imdb.com/media/rm800035584/tt0079257?ref_=tt_ov_i

  14. tommy
    Posted June 25, 2013 at 3:51 pm | Permalink

    If a profit could be made by blowing up the moon, it would have been done already

  15. anonymous
    Posted June 25, 2013 at 5:49 pm | Permalink

    Awesome Super Moon photo over North Dakota.

    http://i.imgur.com/bDcnFjM.jpg

  16. 734
    Posted June 26, 2013 at 9:32 am | Permalink

    Don’t take mushrooms during the Super Moon. You’ll tear your penis off.

  17. Elf
    Posted June 26, 2013 at 9:41 am | Permalink

    God, please tell me this is what Glenn Beck’s big “Man in the Moon” stage show is about. I would pay thousands to see him take mushrooms on stage, talk to the moon, and pull his penis off.

  18. site admin
    Posted June 26, 2013 at 10:11 am | Permalink

    For those of you who don’t get the reference, a man from Columbus, who was high on mushrooms, pulled his penis off outside of Ypsi Middle School yesterday.

  19. Bob Krzewinski
    Posted June 26, 2013 at 11:10 am | Permalink

    As a little follow up. At AA.com last weekend I put in a little comment for people not to get their hopes up of seeing a huge, huge, abnormal moon and they censored my comment. Ummm, I better not send anything to AA.com about the truth behind the legend of that man that supposedly comes around every 12/25 too.

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