I knew that not having a television made me suspicious, but apparently it also makes me a suspect

The following was just sent to me by Ypsilanti’s Mike Shecket. It would seem that I made the Google News feed as a person of interest in that big, incredibly press-worthy police investigation you’ve all been reading about on AnnArbor.com.

And, yes, that’s what makes me a master criminal. I tell you all that I’m coming for your pocket change, and then, while you’re busy hiding your jars of pennies in your toilet tanks, I tiptoe in and make off with your old television sets… That, my aspiring young criminal friends, is how it’s done.

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13 Comments

  1. Dave
    Posted March 10, 2013 at 9:44 pm | Permalink

    Glad to see you’re finally taking this Crimwave USA thing seriously.

  2. Mike G!
    Posted March 10, 2013 at 9:45 pm | Permalink

    You weren’t satisfied with just our hearts, you’re stealing our minds too!?

  3. anonymous
    Posted March 10, 2013 at 10:04 pm | Permalink

    You’re just mentioning this in hopes that the nickname Mark “30-inches” Maynard catches on, aren’t you?

  4. Posted March 10, 2013 at 10:17 pm | Permalink

    I head that CSI was now on every night, and I just couldn’t control myself.

  5. Eel
    Posted March 10, 2013 at 10:52 pm | Permalink

    Don’t believe him. I happen to know that he loves Television.

    http://markmaynard.com/2012/01/putting-alro-to-sleep-with-television-live-at-cbgbs-in-1974/

  6. Posted March 10, 2013 at 10:53 pm | Permalink

    Dangit – now I don’t know what to hide. Think I’m going to hide my wine cork collection to be safe.

  7. Posted March 10, 2013 at 11:04 pm | Permalink

    You can try, but it won’t make a difference. I can sniff them out.

    Its’ kind of like this.

  8. Edward
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 7:07 am | Permalink

    Ypsilanti sounds terrifying. Is no one safe?

  9. Mr. Y
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 8:41 am | Permalink

    First they came for the pocket change,
    and I didn’t speak out because I thought that it was funny.

    Then they came for the televisions,
    and I didn’t speak out because I don’t watch TV.

    Then they came for me,
    and there was no one left to speak for me.

  10. Holmes
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 9:24 am | Permalink

    Moriarty!

  11. double anonymous
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 1:31 pm | Permalink

    I can’t hear the word “TV” without thinking of the Stooge’s TV Eye.

    The phrase was one used by Ron and Scott Asheton’s younger sister Kathy, and it had nothing to do with television. “TV eye” stood for “twat vibe eye,” which is what Kathy and her friends would say if a guy was checking them out. They’d say that he was giving them a “twat vibe eye.”

  12. Jules
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 3:48 pm | Permalink

    I can’t stop laughing.

  13. Robert
    Posted March 19, 2013 at 10:56 pm | Permalink

    I wonder how much effort it would take for us to get your photo included with any and all articles covering crimes where authorities have yet to identify any potential suspects. It makes sense to include a photo of a guy who looks like he could be one, in order to sort of ignite the interest of potential readers.

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