Michael Winslow alert: “The farts you’re hearing are not your own”

Who in their right mind would purposefully invite Michael Winslow into their community? Aren’t we, the people of Ypsilanti, dealing with enough already? Have you seen the Police Academy documentaries? Do you know what this man is capable of? He wreaks havoc, and does so without the least bit of remorse. He’s a textbook sociopath. And he’s going to be here in a few short weeks, walking among us, making us think that we’re walking around in soggy sneakers, and being attacked by predator drones.

And why did I just have to stumble across this poster at Sidetrack tonight? Isn’t this the kind of thing that should be on the news everywhere? Isn’t this the kind of thing that the emergency broadcast system was made for?

People need to prepare themselves.

Here’s an idea, though… What if we find out when he’s coming into town, and strike proactively? What if we descend upon him at his hotel, and hit him with a solid, prolonged attack of poorly-executed, novice sound effects? Just imagine how cool it would be to be in the elevator with him, making fart sounds behind his back, or to be hiding behind a potted plant in the hallway outside of his room, making snarling dog sounds.

[note: There is one cool thing about his coming to Ypsi, though. His website lists his upcoming schedule as “Ireland, Ypsilanti, Seattle.” I think that’s pretty awesome… And, speaking of predator drones, did I hear correctly, upon waking up from my 36-hour flu-coma, that we’ve made it even easier for Obama to snuff out American citizens at will? So much for thinking that we wouldn’t have to worry about things like “targeted killings” when we elected a professor of Constitutional law to be our President.]

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  1. anonymous
    Posted February 10, 2013 at 10:19 pm | Permalink

    Willie Tyler and Lestor were unavailable.

  2. Edward
    Posted February 10, 2013 at 11:18 pm | Permalink

    For those who do not wish to be humiliated, I plan to be selling earplugs on March 16. I’ll be in Riverside Park.

  3. Elf
    Posted February 11, 2013 at 9:45 am | Permalink

    He does some awesome Hendrix and Zeppelin covers. He uses a lot of electronic effects for that, though. It’s not “pure” Winslow.

  4. Mr. Y
    Posted February 11, 2013 at 10:22 am | Permalink

    I think we can handle Winslow. A day of unrelenting machine gun fire, car crashes, vicious dog attacks and hilariously amplified farts, I think, will help prepare us for the uncertain times ahead. The thing I’m worried about, however, is that he might be accompanied by Steve Guttenberg.


  5. Posted February 11, 2013 at 10:45 am | Permalink

    This makes me regret moving out of Ypsilanti.

  6. Anonymous Mike
    Posted February 11, 2013 at 12:21 pm | Permalink

    I cannot accept that this is real. God does not love Ypsilanti that much.

  7. Ack Quari Us
    Posted February 11, 2013 at 7:20 pm | Permalink

    Happy Birthday old chap!

  8. Posted February 11, 2013 at 7:57 pm | Permalink

    Steve Guttenburg concerns me too. Remember his role in The Day After? The sight of his face falling off there at the end has stuck with me since the 80s.

  9. anonymous
    Posted February 12, 2013 at 10:49 am | Permalink

    Funny you should mention Guttenberg. I was just reading a synopsis of the recent Party Down reunion and the cast said they loved him.

    “Adam Scott was very welcoming to the guest stars and wanted them to feel included, so he would talk to them at lunch and give them a “Hollywood 45”, asking about the highs and lows of their careers. The cast had high praise for all the guest stars, but named Steve Guttenberg as one of the most memorable and nicest to work with. Subsequently, his birthday episode was one of their favorites.”


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