Donald Trump v. Stephen Colbert on balls, mouths, October surprises

Damn it, Stephen Colbert, you magnificent bastard. I’d vowed that I wasn’t going to mention Donald Trump’s latest in a long a line of pathetic, racist, conspiracy-laden stunts directed toward the President, and then you come along, jump into the fray, insert your balls, and make it absolutely irresistible… Enjoy!

BACKGROUND: For the past several days, con man, birther extraordinaire Donald Trump has been promising a bombshell that would change the course of the election, and awaken the masses to the “real” Barack Obama. Yesterday, on Twitter, he said, “Tomorrow I will be tweeting on only one subject.” He later went on to say, on Facebook, “This is not a media event or about Donald J. Trump — this is about the United States of America. I will be making the announcement on Facebook and Twitter tomorrow.” Word on the street was that his crack team of investigators had uncovered evidence that the President and First Lady, 20 years ago, had considered divorce. The following is form the Daily Mail.

…It is alleged that the eccentric real estate mogul will claim that the documents show the First Lady and the President were at one point in their two decades of marriage seriously considering splitting up.

Trump set the hare running on Monday by claiming that he was set to make an announcement on Wednesday that would be ‘bordering on gigantic’ and that it would ‘possibly’ change the Presidential race…

As it turns out, there was no bombshell. The thrice-divorced Trump, perhaps realizing that it didn’t reflect badly on the President that he’d worked out his problems with his wife and saved his marriage, issued a bewildering and predictably disrespectful video of himself, sitting bloated and red-faced behind a desk, demanding Obama’s passport and college applications. The insinuation, of course, is that our President is hiding information about his travel to the middle east, where, one can only assume, he participated in terrorist training camp activities at the foot of Osama bin Laden. I have to give Trump credit, if nothing else, for being persistent. If I’d been subject to the public humiliation that he’d endured, when the President, after months of taunting, showed him his “long-form” birth certificate from Hawaii and essentially called him an asshole to his face in front of the nation, I would have slunk away and died in a ditch. Trump, though, the P.T. Barnum of our day, keeps right on going, with no shame, like the spoiled-rotten, egotistical sociopath we know him to be.

If only the media paid a fraction of the attention to Larry Flynt a few weeks ago when he offered $1 million for Romney to release his tax returns.

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  1. anonymous
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 8:08 am | Permalink

    I think you’d have a hard time finding someone more passive than me, but, Jesus, I’d love to kick Trump’s teeth down his throat.

  2. Robert
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 8:38 am | Permalink

    Trump is a pathetic asshole

  3. Eel
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 8:47 am | Permalink

    I hope, for Stephen’s sake, Trump doesn’t take him up on his offer. I can’t imagine anything worse that dipping my balls into that the sweaty, rabid rat mouth of that evil creature.

  4. Meta
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 9:13 am | Permalink

    Jay Leno asked Obama last night what Trump had against him. Here’s how he responded.

    “This all dates back to when we were growing up together in Kenya. We had constant run-ins on the soccer field. He wasn’t very good and resented it. When we finally moved to America I thought it would be over.”

  5. Mr. Washington
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 10:51 am | Permalink

    FWIW, Trump is refusing to release his transcripts and passport records…….

    The Guardian’s Adam Gabbatt contacted Trump’s office on Wednesday to ask for Trump’s college transcripts and passport records, to which an executive at the company responded that the newspaper’s request was “stupid.”

  6. Posted October 25, 2012 at 4:01 pm | Permalink

    Remember when all of your resident trolls were on here towing the birther line?

  7. Helllooooooo,,,
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 7:22 pm | Permalink

    How can anybody believe any of this BS.
    They’re ALL actors.
    This is ridiculous.

  8. Helllooooooo,,,
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 7:37 pm | Permalink

    It’s ALL fake.

  9. Posted October 25, 2012 at 8:11 pm | Permalink

    Here is where the ringers are going with this:

    “why doesn’t Obama just produce his papers and generate 5 million dollars for a charity who could desperately use it? seems like a no brainer to me. to not take Trump up on it seems really heartless and inhumane. about all Obama would have to do is snap his fingers and tell one of his many aides to “get on it”, and it could be produced in a heartbeat. how can he refuse 5 million dollars worth of much needed help by some hungry children? if he can’t do that it makes him look really bad.”

  10. Posted October 25, 2012 at 8:35 pm | Permalink

    Get this…. Obama CAN’T produce the documentation because HE DOESN’T EXIST!

    Trump stumbled on the truth. He discovered that we’re all living inside of a M Night Shyamalan movie!

  11. Rick
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 8:09 pm | Permalink

    I am so glad you erected the Trump Towers. It is the perfect place for you to climb to the penthouse and take a swandive and faceplant from so we don’t have to hear anymore of your idiotic comments. What a freaking Rube…………………….

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