Putting the finishing touches on the virtual Mark Maynard that will be doing all of my socializing for me this evening

I tried meditation, exposure therapy, Chinese herbs, and any number of other things, but, in the end, I decided to overcome my fear of people through the use of technology. Thanks to my friend Chris, who came though with a projector, and Linette, who going to help me fashion the head, I’m now just a few hours away from having a completely functional automaton, who can interact on my behalf with those folks who show up at tonight’s big 10th anniversary event.

If you’re still on the fence about coming, you’ll find the agenda here.

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  1. Posted September 8, 2012 at 12:18 pm | Permalink

    Perhaps you can get a few pointers from Tony Oursler:

  2. Posted September 8, 2012 at 1:31 pm | Permalink

    I wish I were that ambitious, Doug. Mine is purely practical. It’s not art. I’ll try to post video of it in action tomorrow.

  3. anonymous
    Posted September 8, 2012 at 2:06 pm | Permalink

    Reminds me of Scarecrow from Batman Begins.


  4. Glen S.
    Posted September 8, 2012 at 5:21 pm | Permalink

    All in all … still more lifelike than Romney.

  5. alan2102
    Posted September 9, 2012 at 5:47 pm | Permalink

    The best single drug for social phobia is unfortunately GHB, in small (non-hypnotic) doses. At those doses it acts as a sure-fire relaxant and sociabilizer, completely dissolving social anxiety, according to users. I say “unfortunately” because the drug is very difficult to obtain, having been scheduled like a narcotic; though it is prescribed for the treatment of narcolepsy. If you can fake narcolepsy well enough to convince your croaker, you’re golden. Failing that…

    Opioids for Social Anxiety

    Levetiracetam in social phobia: a placebo controlled pilot study.

    Mirtazapine treatment of social phobia in women: a randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled study.

    Phobia Free
    This fascinating book presents the thesis that, except for realistic phobias and those resulting from unconscious conflict, all phobias originate in inner ear disease. [Easily treatable, it is claimed, with common OTC meds]

  6. alan2102
    Posted September 9, 2012 at 6:03 pm | Permalink

    I note that this url is bad:
    …. and, even archive.org doesn’t have it, announcing that that link “has been excluded”. That has a very creepy Orwellian sound to it. (“That link has been declared null and void by the Ministry of Truth”.) Further, searching for the title on bing yields no results. The article seems to have disappeared. So, in the spirit of freedom of information, I hereby post my old download of the article. May it live in the cloud — the great Hard Drive in the Sky — in cyber-perpetuity.


    http://www.chemgasm.com/opiates-for-anxiety [accessed August 2006]

    Opioids for Social Anxiety

    By Alcibiades

    I recently went under the knife to get a pair of pterygiums (pterygia?) removed from my eyes. A pterygium, by the way, is a sun-damaged, red veiny-looking growth coming out of the nasal side of the eye and bound for the pupil. Wikipedia has a more scientific definition, but that’s not the point. Anyway, the things prevented me from wearing contacts without significant discomfort and further made all my professors think me a stoner, but anyway, the more important point here is that, in the process of all this, I have discovered the disinhibiting effect of high-dose hydrocodone and oxycodone. Indeed, after popping a few of these (or perhaps, it is after attaining a good blood level), I have not a care in the world. Though I am somewhat tired (and occasionally very tired) — experiencing the so-called “nod” — I nonetheless feel positively warm and fuzzy and happy all over. Womb-like is my feeling of security and resilience against the often-uncaring outside world. Social anxiety? What’s that! It’s that overpowering the feeling that opiates give me. Just beautiful.

    I find myself overwhelmingly optimistic. I hopefully await activities planned for the next night with the opposite sex, whereas usually I am filled with trepidation.

    Opiates substitute for endogenous opioids like endorphins and enkaphlins, and so in a sort of substitution effect, cravings for naturally-opiate-rewarding things like food or sex are lessened. So I never figured that opiates would have much of a place in my arsenal against social anxiety. Besides, who knew that they had anxiolytic properties, I figured they were for those people who had already conquered the social sphere — indeed, they found it boring — and now needed more powerful opioids than those provided from clubbing or buying expensive cars or god knows what.

    Indeed, there can be a tendency for opiate-addicts to withdraw from their fellow people, heroin is known as a “selfish” drug versus something like MDMA, because their opioid receptors are saturated by exogenous opiates, and so further contact with people yields no further reward. But because I, for other reasons, want very much to interact with other people, I don’t think this will be a problem for me. Even in a state of warm security, I am always wanting to challenge and ultimately overcome my social difficulties. Indeed, having opioids floating about within me from exogenous sources might serve as a form of insurance policy against rejection, and make me act less “needy.”

    People will say I’m being dangerous, while I will say I am just medicating a disorder when I say the following (so be warned): I suspect I could lower the dose substantially and get the same effect with just a touch of alcohol. Indeed, my new cocktail before I go out on saturday night or whatever may be something like: 2 mg xanax, a couple percocet, a shot or three (adjust to appropriate effect) of hard alcohol, and oxytocin in my pocket. (When going this BIG, oxytocin probably isn’t so necessary, but I suspect it could be a GREAT conversation starter — or deal closer, for that matter — with a receptive person, though we will see when I get back to school. Btw, I’ve never tried oxytocin in conjunction with alcohol, but am curious to do so. Alcohol in vivo, btw, vastly reduces levels of oxytocin.)

    I seemed to get a nicer buzz from the oxycodone (as percocet) than even twice as much hydrocodone, though I think the two should be effectively the same? Oxycodone is abused more because you can take a long-acting version, smash it up, and enjoy the high at once, but taken as percocet, it shouldn’t be any different than hydrocodone, right? I thought all the mu-opiod receptor agonists were the same, and only differed in onset of action, latency of action, and strength of effect, but I could be wrong.

    By the way, in case it wasn’t clear, this would be a friday and/or saturday night thing, and not that long-sought-after everyday cure for my social anxiety problem.

    Oh, by the way, if you follow a similar pharmacological strategy as mine above and die, it’s not my fault. Cheers!

    January 5th, 2006

  7. alan2102
    Posted September 9, 2012 at 6:08 pm | Permalink

    PS: that chemgasm guy mentions oxytocin — the cuddle hormone, another sociabilizer. Bing for “oxytocin nasal spray social phobia” or whatnot for info.

  8. Carla
    Posted September 10, 2012 at 12:22 am | Permalink

    I would pay big money if you were to allow me to fuck this thing.

  9. Catherine
    Posted March 15, 2013 at 8:36 am | Permalink

    I would fuck this thing to shreds. There would be nothing left.

  10. Feminine Side
    Posted May 7, 2013 at 7:05 pm | Permalink

    Teen Mom called. She wants to make a movie with this thing.

  11. FC
    Posted August 11, 2014 at 6:04 am | Permalink

    This is the finest thing I’ve ever seen on PornHub.

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