Operation Foggy Monocle

In the wake of a global warming-related rant that I posted a few days ago, it occurred to me that nothing is likely to change, at least not in a substantive way, until the men at the top begin to feel the same oppressive, painfully searing heat that the rest of us have been feeling these past several days. So, with that in mind, I have a suggestion to make.

I don’t know how possible such undertaking would be, and I’m certainly not the man to see it through to fruition, but I thought that I’d offer the idea up, just in case someone out there had the knowledge, interest and network to pull it off.

I should conclude by saying that this, obviously, was just said in jest. I would never suggest that anyone damage private property, even if the future of the entire planet were at stake… I must say, though, that I really like the idea of thousands of people collaborating to ensure that the CEOs of the world’s largest corporations can never get cool, wherever they might go. I know it would be a massive undertaking, but it’s a beautiful idea, isn’t it?

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  1. Edward
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 6:48 am | Permalink

    It would be exponentially more satisfying to pull them screaming from their limos, ripping at their flesh with our teeth, but this, I confess, is probably a better way to go about it.

  2. Knox
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 8:24 am | Permalink

    It’s a great idea, but not terribly practical. In addition to having teams on the ground to take out these AC units, you’d need to have an army of detectives, constantly reporting in, letting you know where these men were. Still, though, it’s an interesting thought. A better approach might be to have a coordinated attack on those institutions which mean the most to the men in question. For instance, private clubs. What if, on one summer day, all of the private clubs frequented by the Fortune 100 CEOs were to have their AC systems pumping out heat? The specific CEOs may not be there at the time of the action, but they’d have to suffer the condemnation and scorn of their friends and fellow members, who were inconvenienced. In reality, these individuals would just walk out and get into their air conditioned limos, but the message would be sent that the American people are intent on holding them accountable, at long last, for their irresponsible actions.

  3. AndyC
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 8:57 am | Permalink

    I think electricity in general is a bit too much for humans to handle. It’s like giving gorillas flame throwers.

  4. Eel
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 10:26 am | Permalink

    For what it’s worth, I like Andy’s idea about giving gorillas flame throwers.

  5. Eel
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 10:27 am | Permalink

    I think they should be dropped by parachute onto the patios of CEOs.

  6. KKT
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 12:15 pm | Permalink

    I think they’d easily escape to the cool comfort of a nearby hotel, but I very much like the idea of a coordinated attack on the AC systems of the men who pull the strings. I think that could be incredibly cool, and go a long way toward galvanizing a movement, even if it doesn’t actually make these CEOs literally sweat. They need to know that we’re mobilizing, and, more importantly, that we’ve identified them as responsible.

  7. Elf
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 1:20 pm | Permalink

    I prefer Operation Spit In Their Food.

  8. Knox
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 4:08 pm | Permalink

    Speaking of CEOs and their role in perpetuating global warming, I just received the following from the Union of Concerned Scientists.

    Have you seen our latest report? It documents precisely how some of the nation’s top energy companies—such as ExxonMobil and ConocoPhillips—have managed to stall progress on national legislation to rein in global warming emissions by inserting large amounts of money and misinformation into government policy making and politics.

    “There isn’t any real science to say we are altering the climate path of the earth.”
    —Senator Roy Blunt (R-MO)

    The report’s findings are truly eye opening, even for people like me who work on these issues every day. Consider, for instance, that:

    • The 28 companies we investigated spent more than $300 million lobbying Congress in the run up to possible climate legislation;
    • Koch Industries alone has spent more than $55 million since 1997 to misrepresent climate science or oppose safeguards to rein in global warming emissions; and
    • The oil company ConocoPhillips has backed the campaigns of anti-climate candidates for Congress by a ratio of more than 15 to 1 over candidates who have supported science-based climate policies.

    The numbers might sound discouraging, but while companies like these have money and influence with people in Washington, we have two ingredients on our side that they don’t: rock-hard scientific evidence and support from people like you.

    Become a full member of UCS and make a vital contribution to the fight for a healthy environment and a safer world.

    UCS is working to reduce global warming emissions by accelerating the transition away from dirty coal-fired power plants and oil-reliant vehicles, building support for stronger power plant emissions standards, and working at the state and federal level to increase use of clean, renewable energy.

    But oil companies and corporate lobbyists continue to attack these critical efforts to protect our health and environment. That’s why we really need your help more than ever. Please become a member of UCS today.

    Thanks in advance. And welcome aboard!

  9. someone
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 7:29 am | Permalink

    If you’re going to manage to get that close to their homes, why not just burn them down. Really, does anyone think these are the guys who are magically going to change their minds and make all the right decisions if we just give them the proper push? It’ll never happen. They’re willing to commit mass murder to defend their power and fortunes. What will being slightly inconvenienced do? Convince them to spend twice as much on lobbying us into the ground. These guys declared war on us long, long ago – they just did it silently. Mark is right that we start doing something about it, but he’s wrong about the method. Being the bigger man, unfortunately, isn’t going to change the world and it isn’t going to have the history books remember us as civilization’s last hope. At this point, we can be effective at being better than them only after they’re gone.

    All of this is, of course, said in jest. I would never encourage illegal activity, etc.

  10. mark k
    Posted July 17, 2012 at 2:16 pm | Permalink

    Eel you should like this.

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