On eating faces and confessing your sins

I just spent the last two hours meeting with the Shadow Art Fair crew. Among other things, we discussed what, if anything, I planned to do at this year’s event. I came up with about a dozen ideas. My favorite idea involved the construction of a “face eating” booth, along the lines of a old-fashioned kissing booth. “I’d sell packets of K2 and Bath Salts,” I said, “and then allow people to gnaw on my face… assuming, of course, that they first put on some kind of protective apparatus that would prevent them from getting their incisors into the succulent red flesh of my cheeks.”

I’m not, of course, serious about pursuing this idea. I have, however, thought about walking around Ypsi, and seeing how many of our local gas stations sell these controversial, unregulated drugs, which have recently been tied to any number of psychotic episodes, including the murder of Bob Cipriano, in Farmington Hills, by his son. Truthfully, I think that a face eating booth would be a great way to spread the word as to the dangers of these drugs, but my sense is that the world isn’t ready yet to talk openly about the zombification of American culture. So, instead, I’m thinking about having a confessional.

Last, year, as you may recall, I sat in a chair, during the Shadow, interviewing people who stopped to talk with me. I had a great time, and I think the results were interesting. But, this time, I’m thinking that it might be better to talk with people under the condition of anonymity, not sharing their stories with the public. I think that people might enjoy having a person that they can speak with honestly, about whatever they like. The problem is building the thing. As I have no carpentry skills, and very little time, I don’t know how I’d pull it off… which is why I’m mentioning it here, tonight. I’m wondering if anyone has a confessional laying around that I could borrow. Or, even better, I’m wondering of anyone might want to build a confessional for me to use… Assuming it works well at the Shadow, I’m thinking that I could take it on a tour of local bars, talking with anonymous people, and allowing them to get things off their chest.

Oh, and I had another idea too, but I’m not in any condition to pull it off… The idea is to have a person at the Shadow who would breakdance every time someone push a quarter through a slot in a cardboard box… Wouldn’t that be cool?

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12 Comments

  1. Edward
    Posted June 4, 2012 at 10:27 pm | Permalink

    Please don’t ask me how I know this, but here’s a recipe for pig face.

    http://www.holytaco.com/behold-cured-rolled-face/

  2. anonymous
    Posted June 5, 2012 at 7:14 am | Permalink

    Does anyone know if “spice” is available in Ypsi? I’m curious.

  3. Pocket Beaver
    Posted June 5, 2012 at 8:13 am | Permalink

    I found an empty packet of the stuff on my lawn the other day. Can’t these kids find regular old weed anymore?!

  4. Dan
    Posted June 5, 2012 at 10:21 am | Permalink

    the party store that was just raided by the FBI for cashing illegal checks sells the stuff. (shocking). It’s probably technically in Pittsfield, but it’s on Michigan Ave and Carpenter, in front of the Harvest Moon Cafe.

  5. Elf
    Posted June 5, 2012 at 10:23 am | Permalink

    As someone who would prefer not to have his face eaten, I think that a protest at a local store carrying this stuff may be called for.

  6. Knox
    Posted June 5, 2012 at 10:28 am | Permalink

    I consider myself to be a pretty enthusiastic supporter of local business, but I draw the line when businesses sell projects that might increase the likelihood that my face gets eaten.

  7. Eel
    Posted June 5, 2012 at 2:17 pm | Permalink

    If I’m not mistaken, you’ve also mentioned in the past that you’d like to offer “no questions asked” pet euthanasia at the SAF, right?

  8. Dark Humor
    Posted June 5, 2012 at 3:17 pm | Permalink

    Here’s what you need for the Shadow!

    http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/news/Man-turns-dead-cat-into-flying-machine/-/4714498/14584488/-/crbopwz/-/index.html

    For serious!!!!

  9. Mr. X
    Posted June 5, 2012 at 3:42 pm | Permalink

    People should have a choice. There should be two back-to-back booths. One could be for ass-kissing. The other could be for face-eating.

  10. Elvis Costello
    Posted June 5, 2012 at 5:26 pm | Permalink

    Everyone has to start with “Forgive me Father Mark, for I have sinned…” and when they are done, you can give penance and forgiveness!

  11. Edward
    Posted June 5, 2012 at 7:12 pm | Permalink

    Or he can eat their face.

  12. Meta
    Posted August 28, 2012 at 9:49 am | Permalink

    I heard that there was a huge raid at Bongs & Thongs in Ann Arbor. They were apparently selling K2 in spite of a state-wide ban.

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