Ypsilanti’s more densely bearded, somewhat less murderous, and considerably less black version of Don King, Patrick Elkins, called a press conference yesterday to announce the lineup of the 8th annual Totally Awesome Fest, which begins this Friday evening at 5:00, in the field behind VG Kids. I suppose, in retrospect, that it should have been obvious, but I really thought that other members of the press would show up. Fortunately, though, I did attend, and, what’s more, I came armed with plenty of hard-hitting questions. Sadly, however, very few of these questions, or the non-answers that accompanied them, made it into this video, which was shot by a friend of Patrick’s by the name of Chris Sandon. So, if you’re wondering how Patrick would have responded to questions about the abduction and subsequent immolation of the beloved local mascot, Jambo Mann, and accusations concerning the assigning to premium time slots to bands that agree to satiate his every degenerate desire, you’ll just have to wait until Totally Awesome Corp complies with my Freedom of Information Act request. In the meantime, here’s the sanitized version of yesterday’s press conference.
And here’s the lineup, for those of you who want to risk your lives by venturing into Ypsilanti this weekend:
FRIDAY, APRIL 27
@ VG Kids (884 Railroad St.)
5:00 KEVIN SCHLERETH
5:30 KATIE BATTISTONI
6:00 CHARLIE SLICK
6:30 IZZY JOHNSON
7:00 DUANE THE TEENAGE WEIRDO
7:45 OUR BROTHER THE NATIVE / LOU BREEDfeaturing LIVE PAINTING by:
~Joanie Wind Newberry
~Leanna Moore
~Robb N. Johnston
~Jesse Thomason@ The Dreamland Theater (26 N. Washington St.)
w/ ABSOLUTE BEGINNERS DJs between sets!
– doors at 9:30 p.m. –10:00 PISTOLBRIDES
10:30 LIGHTNING LOVE
11:00 TREE CITY
11:45 NICKIE P.
12:30 EAT METER
1:00 SAIL
1:30 K9 SNIFFIESSATURDAY, APRIL 28
@ The Bungalow (711 N. River St.)
12:01 PANCAKE WALK
12:30 DAN FLORIDA
1:00 KEVIN MORRIS & ADAPT COLLECTIVE
1:30 LAS DROGAS
2:00 HENRY DAGG / CHILDREN OF SPY
2:30 FERDY MAYNE
3:00 JUNIPER BABY
3:30 JIM CHERWICK
4:00 SKY THING
4:30 RICH DELCAMP & FRIENDS
5:00 ANNIE PALMER
5:30 (D)(B)(H)
6:00 LORD OF THE YUM-YUMfeaturing LIVE PAINTING by:
~Robin Trevino Gesieman
~Cora Thomason
~Mary Thomason
~Bri Howard@ The Playboy Mansion (605 N. Congress)
8:00 GOOGOLPLEXIA
8:30 HOSPITAL GARDEN
9:00 CONGRESS
9:30 DICK MOVE
10:00 MINUS 9
10:30 VAN HOUTEN
11:00 RAINBOW VOMIT FAMILY BAND@ Electric Waterfall Castle (308 Washtenaw)
12:00 DUSTIN KRCATOVICH will be hosting a screening of “TUNNEL CANARY”
& a film by CHANEL VON HABSBURG-LOTHRINGENSUNDAY, APRIL 29
@ Ripper Field (N. River)
12:00 PANCAKE WRESTLING w. THE REAL SPICOLIS
12:30 NATHAN K.
1:00 VAGRANT SYMPHONY
1:30 ZOMBIE JESUS AND THE CHOCOLATE SUNSHINE BAND
2:00 TOTO RECALL
2:30 MATCH BY MATCH
3:00 ANIMAL MAGIC
3:30 ROACH BEACH
4:00 T-TOPS
4:30 BLIZZARD BABIES
5:30 SWIMSUIT
6:00 MANHOLE
6:30 DETROIT PARTY MARCHING BANDfeaturing LIVE PAINTING by:
~Dora Diaspora@ Little Weasel House (814 Stanley)
8:00 HOT BOSS
8:30 OAK OPENINGS
9:00 CRAIG JOHNSON
9:30 SEX POLICE
10:00 WITCH PUTTY
10:30 TRABAJABAMOS
11:00 SUICIDE BY COP+ LIVE PAINTING BY COMMUNITY REBIRTH
+ BEN MILLER’S TAKE-IT-HOME FASHION SHOW
And, yes, every house in Ypsi has to have a name. Addresses alone do not suffice in the world of bearded men in cheap sunglasses.
9 Comments
I’ve listened four times now, and I’m still not sure. Do you suggest that they position volunteers in the river, downstream from Totally Awesome Fest, with colendars, so that they can capture the fecal matter released by audience members relieving themselves in the Huron?
Steven Tyler is made entirely of labias.
I actually think they should strain the river with their beards, the way whales use those fibrous things in their mouths to filter plankton.
The mouths of whales filter krill for food via sheets of feathered horn called baleen. And I will, from this day forward, whenever I see Patrick Elkins, think of his beard as baleen which has evolved to filter hippie river poop.
Patrick is a national treasure.
Sorry, that should have read “anal fissure.”
If Totally Awesome Fest is looking for a mascot, may I suggest this fellow?
http://i.imgur.com/1CoKF.jpg
I ask this in all seriousness. When do all the good bands play?
I think I can only make it out for an hour of so this weekend. Which bands should I try to see?
It makes me sad that only 237 people watched this video, while a quarter million watched this one, shot in Ann Arbor.
http://www.annarbor.com/entertainment/ann-arbors-pat-stansik-getting-attention-for-another-comedy-video-were-you-listening-to-call-me-mayb/
9 Trackbacks
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