Apparently we exceeded our lifetime flush capacity and blew out the inner workings of our toilet tonight, so I’m desperately trying to reconstruct it from scavenged parts. (At this point, I was going to suggest that I was in the process of using said toilet, while heroically trying to fix it at the same time, like Lindbergh, when he was making repairs to the Spirit of St. Louis, while in flight across the Atlantic, but then it occurred to me that a family member might read what I’d written and worry about my safety.) Anyway, I’ve got my hands full tonight, so I may not get around to that essay that I’d wanted to write about the historical significance of Davy Jones.
Before I get back to disassembling the intricate mechanisms at work inside my toilet… I’m pretending that it’s a nuclear bomb that I’m diffusing, which makes it a lot more fun… I’d like to extend a big “thank you” to our March sponsor, The Wurst Bar. As I’ve mentioned here before, it’s a really terrific place, and I’d suggest that you all eat there. That goes especially for you EMU folks who like to patronize Jimmy Johns at lunchtime. Do yourself a favor and check out Wurst instead. You don’t have to have beer, if you don’t want one.
Oh, and speaking of bathroom repair, I have it on good authority that The Wurst Bar, at my request, is about to get rid of their trough urinal. What’s more, the bar’s owner, Jesse Kranyak, has offered it to me. I was going to politely decline the offer, seeing as how I have a well-documented issue with peeing next to strangers, but my co-worker here at the site, Andre, thinks that I should accept the offer, drag the urinal into my yard, and construct some kind of open air training facility around it, where men like me, who suffer from the dread psychological malady known as paruresis, could confront their fears head-on, and penis-out… practicing in front of one another (and any strangers happening by at the time) and high-fiving when acts of successful public excretion occur. I think he may be on to something… I’ll keep you posted.