Yesterday morning, the family and I drove up to Leland, Michigan, where, among other things, we sat around watching otters frolicking in the crystal clear water as we sipped big, cold drinks. The photo above is of one such drink. It’s called a Chubby Mary, and it’s the specialty of the house at a place called The Cove. It’s like a regular Bloody Mary, but with a dead fish bobbing around in it, next to the pickle spear and the lemon wedge. I don’t eat a lot of smoked fish, but I really enjoyed it… The reason I mention it tonight, though, is that it got me thinking about how, if I were to open a bar in Ypsi, I’d like to have a signature drink that involved a dead animal in some way. (And, yeah, I’m no longer a vegan.) The best idea I’ve had so far, I think, is for something called a Jive Turkey. It’s a pitcher of Pabst with a smoked turkey leg floating in it.
There were lot of bad ideas too. For several hours yesterday, I was thinking about using pickled opossum tails, either hollowed out as straws, or left whole as swizzle sticks. (Wouldn’t it be cool to see an olive or two impaled on a opossum tail?) I don’t know that I could find a reliable supply of tails, though. But, I suppose they could be reused. I’ve heard of a bar in the Yukon that serves a shot of whisky with the frostbitten toe of prohibition-era rum runner in it. The drink is called a Sourtoe. You just down the shot, swish the toe around in your mouth, and spit it back out, for the next person to use. (The original toe was unfortunately swallowed not too long ago. A replacement was soon acquired, though.)
I’ve also been thinking quite a bit about chicken feet. As it is, even though they’re popular in Asia, they’re pretty much ignored by the American food industry. I’m thinking that I might be able to change that, if I can just come up with the right drink.
33 Comments
Pickle spear??
A better title for this post……. “A drunken Mark Maynard chows down on a chubby in northern Michigan”.
As for drink ideas, how about stirring all the drinks with a preserved deer hoof or something? Or, what about mixing drinks in a wolverine skull? Didn’t the last Michigan wolverine just die or something?
And I seem to recall from world history class that many battles have been lost with pickle spears.
Strain everything through Pat Elkins’ beard.
As a vegan, I would prefer a block of tofu with googly eyes.
And, speaking of veganism, here’s a neat little infographic.
http://www.ethicalocean.com//blog/digest-veganism-debunked
the fish is called a chub, the drink is a chubby mary…
I’m sorry, this is a hoax. Nobody puts a pickle in a Bloody Mary. I think Mark just thought of a pun, and mocked it up in his kitchen.
Nice infographic!
@K2: I can find no evidence supporting the claim that Alec Baldwin is a vegan. I refuse to believe it!
How about a bloody mary with a big glob of earwax on the rim of the glass?
If we got things going with that nutria colony in Riverside Park, we could start selling nutria beer koozies.
http://markmaynard.com/?p=11664
Would the vegans out there be happy with a testicle, perhaps, or something that wouldn’t require an animal to be killed? I suspect there are thousands of dog testicles wasted each year. And I image they wouldn’t taste half bad if they were battered and fried.
Frog Island Frog?
Doug,
McClure’s Pickle company in Brooklyn sells Bloody Mary mix that has pickle brine as one of its main ingredients. You can find out more here:
http://www.mcclurespickles.com/products/
This is proof that anyone can put leftovers in a jar and call it “Bloody Mary mix.”
I’ll do you one better, Dirtgrain. How about a breaded smeet patty?
Time magazine is on it!
Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1977119,00.html#ixzz1Xm59mrrB
Yeah, bacon is kind of an obvious choice. Bacon and whiskey, I think, would go really well together. I’d like something a little more unique, though. I like the idea of a frog leg, but I’ve heard that the world’s frog population is dying off. Chicken feet, I think, are probably the best bet, as they’re super abundant and pretty much wasted now. (I suspect they’re ground up for dog food.) I just need to figure out the best drink to accommodate a chicken foot. Maybe I’ll ask Andy Garris if I can do some experimenting at Woodruff’s.
You can keep your infographics. We all know that vegans kill babies.
http://gawker.com/5839578/vegans-to-spend-life-in-prison-after-baby-starves-to-death
Jason Young take this photo
squirrel tail?
i have a jive turkey every year at ren fest.
once while drinking at the corner brewery, i believe mark bumped into me and some of his eczema fell into my beer. it looked pretty grody, but if mark would donate more skin, it could catch on.
‘ypsilanti! taste the maynard!’
A Grody Maynard?
I’ve had a Grody Maynard before.
It’s very similar to a Manhattan except instead of using whisky, vermouth, and bitters, you combine two parts ouzo, two parts tequila, and one part dark rum into a glass of crushed ice and mint. Then you strain it all into a highball glass through a pair of jeans with Fat Albert’s face on them that you found in your yard after the snow melts. You’re then supposed to have this served to you on an antique silver tray by a white slave, but that’s not possible everywhere.
If you use light rum instead of dark rum, it’s called a Canadian Rooster.
Grody Maynard is a great name for a drink. Maybe Mark could harvest fingernail clippings to include in the drinks. I’m not sure though, as one might choke on a fingernail clipping. Whatever goes in it, Grody Maynard should be the name.
A Grody Maynard should have country ham in it, and gin. And probably something dirty and germy, but not too dirty and germy. Maybe he could lick the rim of the glass.
I stir my bloody marys with my husband’s chubby, which, coincidentally, is covered in bumps and slimy like a pickle.
All I know is you try to put a dead fish in my cheesesteak and your gonna be eating yur teeth.
Philly in the HOUSR!
The only place to get a decent chubby Mary abound her, I’m told, is in Hasan’s bedroom.
He did not try to serve me a “Chubby Mary” when I was in there Friday night, if that’s what you’re suggesting.
The fish should be blended up in the drink with a bass-o-matic.
Having once experienced the displeasure of having gone down on a chubby Mary while on a family vacation down river, this article made me vomit. If it were possible, I would open up my brain pan and scrub it out with a wire brush and battery acid. It is the worst memory that I have from childhood. Dare I say, it is probably the worst memory of anyone living on the planet earth, holocaust survivors included.
It was my nickname in high school and I googled it just now with some trepidation. I’m glad to see that the name has found something else to attach itself to.
I miss Michigan. I would give anything for a decent Chubby Mary in Brooklyn.
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