Totally Quotable Clementine: big sister edition

This was said by Clementine shortly after I held her for this photo, which was taken outside Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry in Orlando, Florida. I think I must have shrieked in pain when leaning over to put her down. (Apparently roller coasters aren’t the best things for people who have sheets of peanut brittle between their vertebrae, where their disks should be.) And, that’s when she said that she, “got all the good years.” Actually, there was a brief exchange before she said that, but, before I can share it, I need to fill you in a bit on my mating habits.

It would seem that Linette and I have gone and gotten ourselves pregnant again. We’re only 24 weeks into the process, but so far things look good, so we’re optimistic. If all goes according to plan, Clementine will have a little brother or sister by Christmas.

Anyway, Linette and Clementine and I were in Florida these past several days. We’d gone down for my sister’s wedding, and, as long as we were there, we decided to be good tourists and do what was expected of us. We visited Disney, and, thanks to the generosity of a new in-law who works for Universal, we were also able to visit that company’s recently launched Harry Potter-themed entertainment property. I hope to share more about the trip sometime in the future, but, right now, I just want to tell you about this exchange between Clementine and myself.

I can’t remember the exact order of things, but, as I recall, at some point on Monday morning, in the 100-degree heat, at the heart of Harry Potter world, my back went out. I think things had started to act up after we’d ridden the Buckbeak roller coaster, but I don’t think I’d started to outwardly complain about it until after picking her up for this photograph. Anyway, I leaned over to put her down, and I had a difficult time straightening back up. I probably said, “Errrrrrrrrr,” or something to that affect. And we began talking about how I probably shouldn’t carry her anymore because of my back. (I haven’t done much carrying of her for the past several years because of my back, but I still try to do it on occasion, as I’m a sentimental sap, and my love for my daughter means more to me than my back pain.) So, I told her this, and she asked whether or not I was going to be able to carry her new sibling as much as I’d carried her when she was small. I told her that I’d try, but that I likely couldn’t do as much lifting as I did seven years ago, when she was a baby. And that’s when the math started. She took my age, added seven to it, and determined that, when this new sibling was her age, I’d be – gasp – entering my 50s. At this point, there was a long pause, as we walked along side-by-side. And, after a moment of reflective silence, that’s when she said, kind of happily to herself… “I got all the good years.”

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  1. wetdolphinmissile
    Posted August 19, 2011 at 5:13 am | Permalink

    that is so funny…and congratulation on the babe on the way!

  2. EL
    Posted August 19, 2011 at 5:49 am | Permalink

    (I in no way mean to diminish any of your blog entries over the past almost-decade when I say what I’m about to say.)

    This is perhaps your best and definitely one of my most favoritest blog entries in my tenure as an reader.

  3. Posted August 19, 2011 at 6:37 am | Permalink

    I agree with EL! Great blog!!

    Congrats to you and your family. More fun times ahead

  4. Gene
    Posted August 19, 2011 at 7:07 am | Permalink

    Love it…and you’ll have a few more good years left in you yet.

  5. gary
    Posted August 19, 2011 at 7:52 am | Permalink

    why is everyone ignoring the fact there is a maynard sister? the pencil paparazzi needs to get on this at once!

  6. Edward
    Posted August 19, 2011 at 9:20 am | Permalink

    Can we name the new baby? I think an online vote is called for, at the very least. If you’re up for it, I’d like to suggest the name Lil’ Peppers. I also like the name Groucho.

    And maybe each of us regular readers could sign up for a slot in which to do fatherly stuff with this new baby once it comes, while you sit by in a Craftmatic adjustable bed, watching and groaning. We could even wear Mark Maynard masks.

  7. Posted August 19, 2011 at 10:09 am | Permalink

    Mazel tov!!!! I’m glad that Mark Jr. was up for knocking up Linette again! I really don’t abide kids until they are 8 and can fetch me beer, but if you need help after she delivers, you let me know. I can always teach Clementine some new words and give her hints on how to guilt trip you into not making her an only child (I’m an only child and it f’in rocks). :) Btw, and I don’t mean to scare you, but I’m 39 and just recently had to hit my dad up for money…daughters are awesome!

    Seriously M, congrats! :)

  8. Posted August 19, 2011 at 10:56 am | Permalink

    Congratulations! I hope little Smeet gets along with Clementine, and doesn’t try to kick away your cane.

  9. Mr. X
    Posted August 19, 2011 at 1:24 pm | Permalink

    Ypsi’s Tony Randall.

  10. Alf
    Posted August 19, 2011 at 2:40 pm | Permalink

    If your back is so bad, how are you able to pull off moves like this?

  11. Dan
    Posted August 19, 2011 at 3:37 pm | Permalink

    Do you have an in utero name? I at least want to vote on that.

    I like Hannibal

  12. Posted August 19, 2011 at 8:50 pm | Permalink

    Thank you all for your kind words concerning both this post, and the baby now incubating within Linette’s belly. Both are appreciated.

  13. gary
    Posted August 19, 2011 at 11:10 pm | Permalink

    who’s the father?

  14. Posted August 20, 2011 at 7:09 am | Permalink

    Your mother.

  15. Posted August 20, 2011 at 11:48 am | Permalink

    I’m sorry about my last comment. I’m afraid that, in my haste to respond with something funny, I may have given some of you the impression that this new baby was in fact fathered by Gary’s mother. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am the father.

    In honesty, though, we did look into the possibility of using some of the semen harvested from one of Gary’s mom’s less objectionable orifices. (The scientists put her in a centrifuge once a week to spin her clean.) From what we were told, there was a problem, though… something about cross-species contamination. Anyway, I’m sorry for having told a lie.

  16. neighborJenny
    Posted August 20, 2011 at 4:33 pm | Permalink

    >> I’m glad that Mark Jr. was up for knocking up Linette again!

    Me too! I’m sure I’m not the only reader who wonders about little Mark Jr. ;)

  17. dan from austin
    Posted August 20, 2011 at 8:01 pm | Permalink

    “my love for my daughter means more to me than my back pain.” This is what separates the good dads from the chumps.

  18. Christine M
    Posted August 20, 2011 at 10:28 pm | Permalink

    I get babysitting dips. I love Clementine and I love babies therefore I would be the best sitter.

  19. Posted August 20, 2011 at 10:48 pm | Permalink

    neighborJenny…sometimes when I can’t sleep, I worry about Mark Jr…glad he’s getting some action :)

  20. Posted August 21, 2011 at 9:21 am | Permalink

    Please don’t name the child Mark Jr.

  21. Eel
    Posted August 21, 2011 at 1:29 pm | Permalink

    I believe, when these women talk of “Mark Jr” (in the bathroom of the Corner Brewery and elsewhere), they are talking not of possible names for his next child, Doug, but of his penis.

  22. Posted August 21, 2011 at 2:54 pm | Permalink

    Yes, I know.

  23. Posted August 21, 2011 at 3:38 pm | Permalink

    If I have a son, I plan to name both him, and my penis simultaneously.

    (As of right now, my penis has no name. So, if you must call it something, do what JK Rowling does, and refer to it as, “he who must not be named.”)

  24. Posted August 21, 2011 at 3:57 pm | Permalink

    What else did she say about it?

  25. Posted August 21, 2011 at 4:57 pm | Permalink

    Wet Dolphin Missile and I have so many scenes to reenact in that bathroom…better get to steppin’, er sittin’.

  26. Posted August 21, 2011 at 7:02 pm | Permalink

    I’ve heard it’s like the old Miller Light commercials, with half the bathroom saying, “tastes great” and the other half saying “less filling.”

    Wait, that doesn’t sound so good, does it?

  27. Posted August 21, 2011 at 7:02 pm | Permalink

    And, yes, we need a dramatic bathroom reenactment series.

  28. Posted August 21, 2011 at 10:52 pm | Permalink

    Okay. I’ll Facebook her and get on it. I can also talk to myself in there and see what I say and then draw it.

  29. Corn Rows
    Posted August 22, 2011 at 12:07 am | Permalink

    Mark, if you could name your penis Robert Urich that would help me out a lot.

  30. wetdolphinmissile
    Posted August 22, 2011 at 5:18 am | Permalink

    Teach…you will need a white pen as the bathroom walls are now basic black…

  31. Eel
    Posted August 22, 2011 at 9:09 am | Permalink

    You should sell the naming rights to your penis!

  32. Sugel
    Posted August 22, 2011 at 9:39 am | Permalink

    It’s weird to me that there’s still a segment of society that has children young. Most thoughtful people, it seems, are waiting until much later in life, until they can actually afford to take care of their children. And, as a result, having children is becoming more difficult for people. If I had money to invest, I’d invest in the fertility industry. I think a lot of money will be spent there, as women around 40 will be trying to have children. And this will have all kinds of ramifications in society. For instance, these resulting kids will be facing difficult decisions regarding the health and welfare of their parents at a much younger age. But, as this is happening, there’s still a group of uneducated individuals, churning out babies in their teens. They can pump out two generations in the time the rest of of us take to produce one.

  33. Dan
    Posted August 22, 2011 at 4:34 pm | Permalink

    Sugel – this sums up your comment well: Idiocracy Intro

  34. Bernard
    Posted August 23, 2011 at 2:01 am | Permalink

    I followed that link, Dan.
    Natural selection does not now and has never exclusively “rewarded” intelligent couples. Natural selection tends to select for adaptability and survivability. That is all. It is not some magical force that punishes and rewards.
    There really is a very subtle deification of evolution happening in society today.
    A really interesting book is Wilson’s “Evolution of Everyone”. In the book, Wilson cautions the reader not to fear religion, but to fear things masquerading as religion.

  35. trinity
    Posted August 23, 2011 at 10:38 am | Permalink

    She’s ruining you on purpose so that she’ll have the upper hand on the new baby. You’ve read her too much Darwin.

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