Ape Canyon… the adult version

Last night, I told you about a place near Mt. St. Helens called Ape Canyon, where, in 1924, a small group of gold miners claim to have been set upon by a band of fierce, boulder-hurling bigfoot. Well, this afternoon, while being shown around a very cool Portland video store called Movie Madness, which, among other things, is home to famous film props like the over-sized, hair-covered ear found by Kyle MacLachlan in Blue Velvet, and the wooden prop knife used by Anthony Perkins to kill Janet Leigh in Psycho, a friend drew my attention to a film called… of all things… Ape Canyon. This may not, in and of itself, be all that surprising, if not for the fact that it was located behind the red swinging doors of — the “adult” section.

As distasteful as this may be to some of you, it would appear that, hidden somewhere beneath the world that you and I both dwell in, there exists a subculture of “bigfoot rape” fiction enthusiasts. At least that’s the sense that I get having just read an interview conducted by Jim Goad with the film’s director, Jon Olsen. At any rate, as we just discussed Ape Canyon last night, I felt compelled to mention it. For the record, though, I’m not suggesting that anyone either watch or purchase this film. I realize that it might be difficult to convey consensual bigfoot relations on film, but I have to draw the line somewhere, and I choose to draw it at rapetainment.

Here’s a clip from Jim Goad’s interview with the man behind the film, which goes into a little detail on the history of the genre:

JIM GOAD: Is it fair to say that Ape Canyon, if not the world’s first Bigfoot-rape movie, is probably the world’s first Bigfoot-rape comedy?

JON OLSEN: Definitely the first comedy, as far as I know, but not the first Bigfoot-rape movie. I have a bootleg copy of a movie called The Geek that a friend gave me after Ape Canyon was made. It’s something else. The stoned nitwit playing Bigfoot can’t get it up when he gets his chance to wax pale, human asses. He spends most of his precious humping time yanking his little wang in a vain attempt to get it stiff. All he succeeds in doing is smearing black shoe polish (used to give him a more Sasquatchy complexion) all over his dick and all over the woman’s vagina. As it is, the woman falls asleep with her bare ass jutting up in the air, waiting for forcible ape-entry that never comes.

And this is ironic, since it would have been impossible to tell if he was actually penetrating her or not—you wouldn’t be able to tell with that fur coat in the way.

Another notable Bigfoot-rape movie—probably the one that supplied the bulk of inspiration for Ape Canyon—is Night of the Demon. There’s this inbred girl who’s constantly being beaten and raped by her daddy, until Bigfoot lumbers out of the woods, kills daddy and rapes her but good. Then she has a stillborn Bigfoot-hybrid baby. In another scene, Bigfoot grabs a guy in a sleeping bag, twirls him around his head, and tosses him through the air, impaling him on a twig. I more or less ripped that scene off in my movie, but I feel the Ape Canyon version is an improvement on the original. By far the most memorable scene is one in which a motorcyclist stops to take a piss by the side of a lonely road. Bigfoot’s hand lunges out of the bushes and rips the man’s penis off! The poor guy moans in despair and drapes himself over his bike, bleeding to death on screen for a full ten minutes…

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18 Comments

  1. Eel
    Posted August 29, 2011 at 8:36 am | Permalink

    First he comes out against chronic recreational pot smoking, and now he comes out against rapetainment. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough of this moralizing bullshit.

  2. Edward
    Posted August 29, 2011 at 10:06 am | Permalink

    If there’s Bigfoot goatsee porn, I’ll join the Talaban.

  3. gary
    Posted August 29, 2011 at 12:13 pm | Permalink

    i know for a fact that mark owns a copy of this tape because i sent it to him a few years ago along with a lot of other good reading and viewing material in a big cardboard box.

    don’t let him fool you. he loves nothing better than to get really high smoking a big fattie and watch rapetainment porn with the sound off while a little insane clown posse plays in the background.

  4. dragon
    Posted August 29, 2011 at 1:45 pm | Permalink

    For all those Bigfoot sex aficionados, there is 1981 production called ‘The Geek’. It is 15 minutes long and the first half is walking through the woods, so you might want to skip ahead to the ‘good’ parts.

    Definitely NSFW.
    http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6493248549755486566

  5. Kim
    Posted August 29, 2011 at 2:05 pm | Permalink

    Is this the first known usage of the phrase “rapetainment” or do adult video stores have entire sections labeled as such? I agree, though. I would be much more comfortable with consensual Sasquach porn. Why can’t it be a hot young female scientist who’s been given the assignment to measure the captured beast’s penis or something? Then the funky bass would kick in.

  6. Posted August 29, 2011 at 4:45 pm | Permalink

    The classic consensual Bigfoot story is R. Crumb’s “Whiteman Meets Bigfoot.” Set those movies aside.

  7. Mr. X
    Posted August 29, 2011 at 7:44 pm | Permalink

    More on Whiteman Meets Bigfoot can be found here:

    http://www.cryptomundo.com/cryptozoo-news/r-crumb-bf/

  8. Arthur Grimace
    Posted August 30, 2011 at 7:54 am | Permalink

    Is there a Taliban application form online? I can’t seem to find one.

  9. Antoine
    Posted August 31, 2011 at 12:51 pm | Permalink

    You pretty much said what i have always wanted to say about ape rape but could not effectively communicate.

  10. EF
    Posted September 6, 2011 at 11:11 pm | Permalink

    My Ape Canyon has not been explored in nearly three years.

  11. Posted September 12, 2011 at 8:14 pm | Permalink

    I’m sorry to hear that, EF. Have you tried OK Cupid?

    Also, for those of you who are interested in ape porn, the subject just came up in the earlier Ape Canyon thread a little while ago. (Someone was wondering if there’s been research showing that large apes enjoy bigfoot rape porn.)

  12. Steve Swan
    Posted September 13, 2011 at 12:47 pm | Permalink

    A comic about Lou Reed fucking a monkey.

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5yBkWisZLS8/TfHsD86fN9I/AAAAAAAAAU0/l0U4HxWiTks/s1600/Lou+Reed%2527s+NYM+Page+1+Lo+Res.jpg

  13. Mr. X
    Posted September 13, 2011 at 3:32 pm | Permalink

    “Note to self. After a long day at work, I don’t want to see that!”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6eZPkFehDk

    (fast forward to 1:37)

    That was a great Lou Reed drawing, though.

  14. Violette Guardarra
    Posted September 21, 2011 at 3:33 pm | Permalink

    I came here looking for footage of monkey giving elderly man a hand job. Do you know where I can find such?

  15. Marginal Degeneration
    Posted October 5, 2011 at 1:36 pm | Permalink

    Has anyone tried to do a Kickstarter campaign for porn? I’d love to do a consensual Ape Canyon video along the lines of what’s been discussed here. If I could raise $20k, I know I could make it happen.

  16. Factor 5
    Posted October 9, 2011 at 12:52 pm | Permalink

    What if, in the movie, it was the ape who was raped by the woman until one day, he’d finally had enough, and pulled her face off? I’d watch that.

  17. Ed
    Posted October 23, 2011 at 9:29 am | Permalink

    The other day I was watching Singing in the Rain, and I noticed, right near the beginning, there’s a shot of a theater showing a film with a similar theme. It’s when Gene Kelly is recounting how he got his start in film. The scene shows him and his friend sneaking into a matinee. The poster for the movie they’re sneaking into depicts a giant ape throwing a scantily clad woman over its shoulder. I immediately thought of this post.

  18. KKT
    Posted July 30, 2015 at 5:09 pm | Permalink

    It’s clearly not true, but I had to pass this along.

    Nancy Hoggert told Big Foot Tracker that she and the infamous bigfoot have been in a sexual relationship since 2008 and are “trying to start a family.”

    “That’s when I looked down and noticed he had a huge erection between his legs. I hadn’t gotten any in a while and well, from there, it somehow turned into an adult movie. I don’t know if he started it or I did. He did me from behind, which felt great.”

    http://www.moron.com/woman-relationship-with-bigfoot/

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