A post about Charlie Sheen self-destructing because I need a break from politics

Word on the street is that it only took 20 minutes for Charlie Sheen to lose his television show after the following interview with his friend Alex Jones went live. Apparently you can beat the shit out of all the prostitutes you want after snorting down bowling ball-sized rocks of cocaine, but when you call your show’s creator “a stupid, stupid little man and a pussy punk,” you’ve gone too far.

You know how people ask you things like, if you could have dinner with any four people from throughout history, who would they be? Well, this video has me seriously reevaluating my standard response. With all respect to Jesus and Salinger, I don’t see how I could possibly turn away Sheen and Jones after this performance. Can you imagine what it must be like to share a bottle of wine with those two?

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  1. Eel
    Posted February 24, 2011 at 11:38 pm | Permalink

    I like when Alex Jones talks about having seen/felt Sheen’s hernia.

  2. dragon
    Posted February 25, 2011 at 12:02 am | Permalink

    Sheen: I believe in the Bush Doctrine.

    Jones: In what respect, Charlie?

  3. Оctodad
    Posted February 25, 2011 at 5:21 am | Permalink

    According to the Internet.

    Among Alex Jones’ laughable beliefs are the following:

    • Gloria Steinem is a CIA operative.
    • There are Illuminati symbols on Starbucks coffee cups.
    • Bill Clinton is a Canaanite devil worshipper.
    • Dubya’s a member of the British Royal Family (that whole Texan hick thing is just an act).
    • Most anarchists are phonies and- surprise, surprise- government ops.
    • The Weathermen were a government plot.
    • Feminism is a government plot.
    • Same sex marriage will destroy America.
    • Evolution is a government plot.
    • There are surveillance cameras in cable TV boxes.
    • The left and right don’t exist on the political spectrum, despite the fact he calls himself a conservative.
    • Edward VIII abdicated because he was a Hitler admirer. Another lie!
    • Gavrilo Princip was actually a British spy.
    • Fluoride is a government plot (and 90% of dentists are in on it too).
    • Children raised by homosexuals are suicidal.
    • The Branch Davidians were a peaceful religious group murdered by the evil Bill Clinton.
    • Google Video got rid of their hit counters to censor him.
    • Anyone who disagrees with him is a ‘neocon disinfo agent.’
    • Arnold Schwartzeneggar is a Nazi.

    More douchbaggery:
    • Alex once screamed at a New York fireman with his bullhorn that the NYFD was in on 9/11, then lied on his radio show and claimed he never made the comment, despite being video taped.
    • Alex claims he gets all his info from SECRET NWO websites that tell him everything those pesky neocons are up to. Never mind the bogus predictions….

  4. pYpsisqueak
    Posted February 25, 2011 at 8:11 am | Permalink

    I know you didn’t want to make this political, but now with the likely end to the Michigan Film Credits, we basically have zero chance of ever having Sheen spend his blow and hooker money here in our local economy.

  5. Edward
    Posted February 25, 2011 at 9:29 am | Permalink

    News flash. People in power don’t like being told that they have ugly wives and ugly kids.

    I hope to God someone gives him a ticket to the Oscars. Or, better yet, three, so he can bring some of his “goddesses”.

    As for ideal dinner guests, I’d vote for Hitler, Jefferson, Churchill and L Ron Hubbard. Ben Franklin would be an alternate. I should probably bump L Ron for him, but I’ve got some specific questions that I’d like answered. It would be fascinating, though, to get some modern wackos mixed in, though. I’d love to see how Mel Gibson got along with Hitler for instance, and I think Lincoln would have a blast meeting Glenn Beck. I also think someof our early suffragettes would enjoy drinks with Lady GaGa.

  6. Knox
    Posted February 25, 2011 at 9:53 am | Permalink

    I think that Henry Ford should meet some Holocaust survivors.

  7. Elf
    Posted February 25, 2011 at 11:53 am | Permalink

    Sheen responded to the cancellation of his show in a letter to TMZ.

    What does this say about Haim Levine [Chuck Lorre] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me. I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows … I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can’t handle my power and can’t handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.

    Remember these are my people … not yours…we will continue on together…

    Charlie Sheen

    It would be cool if “his” people started protesting at CBS. I think they’ll probably just migrate to the next stupidest show on TV.

  8. Aaron B.
    Posted February 25, 2011 at 3:40 pm | Permalink

    Charlie should do a bachelor style dating show ala Rock of Love…

  9. Christine M
    Posted February 25, 2011 at 9:51 pm | Permalink

    They are going to have rallies to protest the end to the Michigan Film Incentives. I wish I didn’t have a real job so I could go.

  10. Poster Goy
    Posted February 25, 2011 at 11:19 pm | Permalink

    I would make an annual pilgrimage to Detroit to pay homage to a statue of Sheen snorting blow of a goddess’s teet.

  11. Bob
    Posted February 25, 2011 at 11:32 pm | Permalink

    It doesn’t have much to do with Charlie Sheen, but the audio of Louis C.K. harassing Donald Rumsfeld on the Opie & Anthony radio show is genius. You can find it at Youtube and Huffingtonpost. It’s long, but worth every second.

  12. Leishmaniasis
    Posted February 26, 2011 at 1:40 am | Permalink

    That show they canceled with Charlie Sheen just was not very funny.
    Oh well.

  13. Posted February 26, 2011 at 10:22 am | Permalink

    Thanks for the tip, Bob. It’s now on the front page.

  14. Anonymatt
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 12:50 am | Permalink

    I feel sorry for Jon Cryer, his money tree got chopped down.

  15. Bob
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 4:42 pm | Permalink

    the duckman abides

  16. Meta
    Posted February 28, 2011 at 4:12 pm | Permalink

    Sheen: “I’m tired of pretending that I’m not special.”


  17. Julie Jones
    Posted March 2, 2011 at 4:18 pm | Permalink

    Charlie Sheen is post human.

  18. Charles KK
    Posted March 8, 2011 at 9:21 am | Permalink

    According to the Intertubes, he’s looking for an intern with “tiger blood.”

  19. Kim
    Posted March 8, 2011 at 1:40 pm | Permalink

    Can we nominate someone? I’m having a hard time deciding between G Gordon Liddy and EOS.

  20. Ted
    Posted March 8, 2011 at 2:42 pm | Permalink

    I nominate Bash Boulder. Let’s start a letter-writing campaign to Sheen and his crew at the Sober Valley Lodge.

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