Krampi teats

I’m told that there may be photo of me on the site tomorrow, milking a Krampus teat into a beer mug. I’m not saying it didn’t happen. It could have. I don’t know. Due to my cold, I’d eaten a number of honey lemon cough drops with echinacea, and, to be honest, the whole day is a blur. It’s conceivable that an unscrupulous photographer talked me into doing something that I shouldn’t have. At least I suspect, based on what I’ve seen online, that I’m susceptible to such things. Anyway, I wanted to warn you so that you could stay away from your computer tomorrow, or all technology for that matter. Here, for those who are interested, is a photo of the Krampus breast I’m said to have suckled on… And, yes, I’m told there may have been suckling as well as milking.


In all seriousness, the photo that Tom Perkins took to accompany his article was probably as classy as it could have been, given the subject matter. And, in his defense, he didn’t make us bring the painfully-erect monster nipples… Speaking of costumes and such, this Krampus chest and the pink plush chain accompanying it were made by my friend Melissa. Aren’t they nice? What I’ve got in mind for my costume won’t be nearly as elegant, but I reckon that’s OK, as everyone will be drunk, sweaty and preoccupied by the giant, sparkly Krampus nipples… So, have you started on your costume yet? It doesn’t have to be elaborate. But interesting would be good.

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  1. Posted December 2, 2010 at 10:06 pm | Permalink

    Hey, I saw them taking those pictures from across the bar :)

    It’s always nice to see a link to that Concentrate story featuring the picture of you looking so tenderly at, um, little Mark. It’s truly touching.

    Fwiw, my costume is done and features something of a Santa outfit, black gloves, black panties, devil’s horns and the riding crop that I am pretty sure is under my bed (b/c where else would it be?). I also bought these cute pantyhose to wear but since I am tall and they do not make pantyhose to fit tall girls, I may have to figure something else out.

  2. Knox
    Posted December 3, 2010 at 8:06 am | Permalink

    I want to start a rap band just to use the line, “Suckling on a Krampus teat.” I’m not sure what the next line would be. Maybe something like, “Pickin’ meat from between its cloven feet.”

  3. Andy C
    Posted December 3, 2010 at 10:11 am | Permalink

    Suckling on a Krampus teat.
    It taste of pain from the children it beat.
    With there back bright red and a look of raw meat,
    who knew their suffering could taste so sweet!

    With your cloven feet,
    come let me suckle on your sparkly teat!

  4. Eel
    Posted December 3, 2010 at 11:14 am | Permalink

    Sucking baby meat from the bark of a birching rod
    Gonna dance with my ass out like a fillet o’ scrod
    Tag teamin’ the teat of a Krampus beast
    Come on y’all
    Let’s stomp our hooves to the Ypsi beat

    And I AM coming dressed as Debbie Stabenow.

  5. Alice
    Posted December 3, 2010 at 5:47 pm | Permalink

    Did pay you for this post? I’ve gone to their site at least half a dozen times today hoping to see photos of you sucking from the tit of lactating monster.

  6. Elise Snozen
    Posted December 6, 2010 at 11:31 am | Permalink

    Congratulations. I read about this in the Ann Arbor News. I think it sounds like fun, unless, of course, you’re really planning to beat and kill children, in which case I’d think it was a pretty bad event.

  7. Ted
    Posted December 6, 2010 at 3:59 pm | Permalink

    I’m in a terrible mood today. Every post I read here makes me angry. It’s not your fault. You’re good people. For the most part. I feel like complaining though. Maybe I’ll leave a negative comment in every thread until I pass out from hunger. Or maybe I’ll turn on the TV. I’ve never been to Elvisfest. I don’t see the appeal. I appreciate the cultural phenomenon though. If all the Beatles had died at once, I think we’d have the same kind of postmortem celebrations for them. No one around today has the popularity to pull it off, though. We should pick a dead celebrity at random and try it though. Mark wrote about have Iggy Pop impersonators in the park one time. That would be good, and fitting, but why not an entire festival of George Clinton tribute artists? Or Tiny Tim? Or Shatner? What about an entire week-long event of people covering Shatner’s cover of Elton John’s Rocket Man? Could the DTCDC get behind something like that?

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