I’m not much of one for New Year’s resolutions, as they more often than not don’t bear fruit, but I decided tonight that, before the end of 2011, I’d write and direct a short, 15-minute film. That’s all I’m willing to share at this point. Stay tuned for details, and opportunities to read for parts.
My character, it was decided, would be known as The Zookeeper, and I’d perform a sensuous dance with a giraffe. It wasn’t determined how we’d come to possess, care for and train a giraffe, but those are obstacles that I’m sure we can overcome. It was also decided that I would be fully clothed, except for my nipples, which will be bared at some point during the climax of the piece. I’m not wedded to the idea by any means, but, as of right now, I’m thinking of performing it to either Angel is a Centerfold by the J. Geils Band, if we can acquire the international rights, or a techno beat played under ambient audio collected at an Upton Sinclair-era Chicago slaughterhouse.
update: Now that I’m done wrapping presents, nibbling on carrots and arranging cookie crumbs on a plate so as to give the impression of having been dropped by a 300-pound intruder, I’m faced with the eternal holiday question… Die Hard or A Christmas Carol.
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
For a recap of what WikiLeaks revealed to the world this year click here.
I’d like to thank my friend Kez for sending the Human-Santapede image, which, I’m told, was originally developed by a woman on Etsy. The accompanying words, which I think are brilliant, are from last week’s 30 Rock. If I knew how to use Photoshop, I would have made the Santapede pulling a sleigh. As great of an image as it is, I think it would be even better if there was a sadistic, lab-coat-wearing Rudolph behind them, cracking a whip…. At any rate, I hope this card finds you all well, happy and enjoying the season with friends and family. Merry Christmas.
