Keep Fear Alive – October 30, 2010

Well, it looks like we’d better order those tricorne hats and colonial wigs, and charter that bus for DC. It’s now official. Colbert accepted the bribe, and the Restoring Truthiness rally is going to happen on the Mall, in front of the Lincoln Memorial. It’s not going to be called the Restoring Truthiness rally, though. Colbert, in his infinite wisdom, has decided to christen the event The March to Keep Fear Alive.

keepfear2Here’s how Colbert describes it:

America, the Greatest Country God ever gave Man, was built on three bedrock principles: Freedom. Liberty. And Fear — that someone might take our Freedom and Liberty. But now, there are dark, optimistic forces trying to take away our Fear — forces with salt and pepper hair and way more Emmys than they need. They want to replace our Fear with reason. But never forget — “Reason” is just one letter away from “Treason.” Coincidence? Reasonable people would say it is, but America can’t afford to take that chance.

The salt and pepper foe Colbert refers to is, of course, Jon Stewart, who, just prior to Colbert’s announcement, had made one of his own. Stewart will be having a rally of his own on October 30. His, however, will not be based on fear. His rally is to be called The Rally to Restore Sanity, and here’s how he describes it:

We’re looking for the people who think shouting is annoying, counterproductive, and terrible for your throat; who feel that the loudest voices shouldn’t be the only ones that get heard; and who believe that the only time it’s appropriate to draw a Hitler mustache on someone is when that person is actually Hitler. Or Charlie Chaplin in certain roles.

Are you one of those people? Excellent. Then we’d like you to join us in Washington, DC on October 30 — a date of no significance whatsoever — at the Daily Show’s “Rally to Restore Sanity.” Ours is a rally for the people who’ve been too busy to go to rallies, who actually have lives and families and jobs (or are looking for jobs) — not so much the Silent Majority as the Busy Majority. If we had to sum up the political view of our participants in a single sentence… we couldn’t. That’s sort of the point.

Think of our event as Woodstock, but with the nudity and drugs replaced by respectful disagreement; the Million Man March, only a lot smaller, and a bit less of a sausage fest; or the Gathering of the Juggalos, but instead of throwing our feces at Tila Tequila, we’ll be actively *not* throwing our feces at Tila Tequila. Join us in the shadow of the Washington Monument. And bring your indoor voice. Or don’t. If you’d rather stay home, go to work, or drive your kids to soccer practice… Actually, please come anyway. Ask the sitter if she can stay a few extra hours, just this once. We’ll make it worth your while.

I just pray to God that there isn’t violence between the devotees of Colbert, and those smarty pantzed elitists who chuckle along to Daily Show. It could be a bloodbath.

If you’re going, let me know. I don’t know that it makes sense to charter a bus from Ypsi/Arbor, but, at the very least, we can meet up with one another when we’re out there. Or, better yet, maybe we could get together to make a banner and coordinate our misspelled, paranoid, racist and hate-filled protest signs beforehand.

Here’s the Stewart announcement:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Rally to Restore Sanity
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Here’s the Colbert announcement:

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
March to Keep Fear Alive
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election Fox News

And let’s all remember that this whole thing sprang up from a simple post on Reddit that led to a full-blown campaign which, among other things, put nearly $200,000 into the hands hands of teachers for school supplies. (Isn’t the internet great?) If you’d like to show your appreciation for what Stewart and Colbert are doing, consider adding a few dollars of your own to the pot. You can contribute to Donors Choose, a non-profit that Colbert sits on the board of, here.

And do consider going to D.C. on the 30th. I think it would be incredible if we could get more people there than Glenn Beck did a few weeks ago, when he “reclaimed” the American Civil Rights movement for the angry, terrified and white… Let’s show Beck and the fear mongers at Fox News what a crowd of 100,000 people really looks like.

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  1. Posted September 18, 2010 at 2:12 pm | Permalink

    Any thoughts of carpooling or caravaning??? What about accommodations once we get there?
    I haven’t eaten since 7pm yesterday and so I have no answers for these questions and look to people who have eaten in the past 20 hours to provide them for me. Thanx, Gentiles!

  2. Robert
    Posted September 18, 2010 at 3:33 pm | Permalink

    I am in. If you don’t charter a bus, I can provide transportation for 3 or 4 riders to D.C.

  3. Posted September 18, 2010 at 4:53 pm | Permalink

    How about you, EOS, can we count you in?

  4. Robert
    Posted September 18, 2010 at 4:57 pm | Permalink

    After the rally, we could head 200 miles north to the Michigan – Penn State game that night at 8pm. From there it is only 400 miles back to Ann Arbor.

  5. Ted
    Posted September 18, 2010 at 7:01 pm | Permalink

    I’ve got to think of some kind of t-shirt to sell.

  6. Posted September 18, 2010 at 8:40 pm | Permalink

    Okay I’ve eaten and now I am lucid again :) I like Robert’s idea!
    EOS totally has to go! What a blast that would be :)

  7. Jim Schortz
    Posted September 19, 2010 at 12:12 am | Permalink

    The flywheel just went out on my dromedary. Sorry.
    We could just start thumbing today and maybe we could make it in time for the rally.

  8. Oliva
    Posted September 19, 2010 at 10:31 am | Permalink

    Ted, maybe “Real Change Is Not for Sissies”? Or is that too old-school, too much like name-calling? Well, Jon S. and Stephen C. are exceptional people and have saved this country, are willing to do so again. Bless them forever!

  9. Kim
    Posted September 19, 2010 at 12:13 pm | Permalink

    There’s a tshirt company I read about first here on Mark Maynard Dotcom called I’m Voting Tea Party. They’ve got a great selection. My favorite says, “Obama Won’t Force Muslims to Worship Jesus. That’s why I’m voting Tea Party.”

  10. EOS
    Posted September 19, 2010 at 6:51 pm | Permalink

    Sounds like fun. I’ll meet you all at the base of the Washington Monument as soon as the geese flyover.

  11. Robert
    Posted September 20, 2010 at 6:37 am | Permalink

    EOS, you should pay a really hot actress to pretend she is you and go to the DC rally with us. We all win that way.

  12. EOS
    Posted September 20, 2010 at 6:51 am | Permalink

    If I could only find an actress hotter than I am. :-)

  13. Edward
    Posted September 20, 2010 at 8:06 am | Permalink

    In the movie version of, the part of EOS would be played by Kelsey Grammer.

  14. Stephen Paul
    Posted September 20, 2010 at 9:30 am | Permalink

    Their projections for the 30th are already outpacing Beck.

    After less than one week, the Facebook page for Stewart’s “Rally to Restore Honor” already has 93,000 RSVP’s. Now, many who have pledged to attend will undoubtedly not actually be there for various reasons, but another 48,000 say they might attend. In addition, the numbers above do not include the 37,000 who say they will attend Stephen Colbert’s “March to Keep Fear Alive”, scheduled at the same time and place as Stewart’s rally. Colbert also has 14,000 who say they might attend his event. Stewart and Colbert will hold the event on October 30th from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. E.S.T. That gives them another month to promote the event and increase their numbers. At this rate, both rallies could easily produce a tally of more than a million followers, but it has yet to be seen whether the current pace can continue or whether these people will actually show up.

    The best estimates for Beck’s “Restoring Honor” rally put his numbers much lower than Stewart and Colbert. CBS News paid an independent firm to estimate Beck’s crowd size. The firm, which specializes in making crowd size estimates for many organizations, including the Department of Homeland Security, used multiple aerial photos and independent experts to make their estimate. Their analysis revealed that approximately 87,000 people attended Beck’s rally. Beck contended that “hundreds of thousands” were at his rally, but provided no independent analysis or scientific analysis behind that number.

  15. Robert
    Posted September 20, 2010 at 6:46 pm | Permalink

    I was still waiting for EOS’s crowd estimates, even though according to him apparently it is impossible to know. It’s just one of those questions that Mankind can never answer, like when a tree falls in a forest, and there is nobody there to hear it, does it make a sound? Stuff like that which is known only to God and we can’t ever hope to understand.

  16. Robert
    Posted September 20, 2010 at 7:19 pm | Permalink

    …so, for example, when you go to a Michigan football game and look around the stadium, you could be seeing a million people or maybe just a few dozen. There is no way to know.

  17. Posted September 20, 2010 at 8:57 pm | Permalink

    I really want to go to this event, but I’m not sure it is the, best, or most appropriate, use of my time while running for State House. What say ye, fair reader?

    On the other hand, it makes a lot of sense. I have been a much happier and well informed person since I quit watching cable news several years ago. The video montages via Stewart and Colbert are plenty enough evidence that I made a good decision.

    I’m torn, but I’m leaning towards knocking on doors that day. Hopefully everyone won’t be out of town!

    A safe journey to all!

  18. Oliva
    Posted September 20, 2010 at 9:17 pm | Permalink

    The numerical cousin of truthiness is proofiness: “the art of using bogus mathematical arguments to prove something that you know in your heart is true — even when it’s not.”


  19. Robert
    Posted September 21, 2010 at 7:42 am | Permalink

    Edward, I was thinking more along the lines of Paul Reubens.

  20. Posted September 21, 2010 at 6:34 pm | Permalink

    I can’t give up Halloween for this, sorry I guess I’m not patriotic enough.

  21. Meta
    Posted September 22, 2010 at 10:03 am | Permalink

    CNN on the Stewart rally.

  22. Stephen
    Posted September 24, 2010 at 10:04 am | Permalink

    I like Colbert as much as the next guy, but I’m not sure I get the idea of him testifying before congress in character. Aren’t there more important things that our elected officials should be focusing on?

  23. Robert
    Posted September 29, 2010 at 2:18 pm | Permalink

    Mark, is there enough interest among the people that you know to charter a bus to DC for the rallies? I’d like to reserve a seat if you have been keeping count.

  24. Barney F
    Posted October 5, 2010 at 8:04 pm | Permalink

    Deep thinking from the shallow minds of comedians? I think not. Just more rants afrom the don’t worry be happy crowd.

  25. Robert
    Posted October 13, 2010 at 8:36 am | Permalink

    You can reserve seats on rally buses at the following link:

  26. EOS
    Posted October 20, 2010 at 1:10 pm | Permalink

    Better pee before you leave. Comedy Central forgot to order Porta Potty’s. Ha!

  27. Andy C
    Posted October 20, 2010 at 4:14 pm | Permalink

    We wont be needing Porta Potty’s. They’re supplying copies of the Constitution for us to pee on instead.

  28. Posted October 20, 2010 at 5:54 pm | Permalink

    I thought we were going to use it as toilet paper. Oh, that must be what the Bibles are for.

  29. Robert
    Posted October 20, 2010 at 7:17 pm | Permalink

    You were right about cockroaches, Peter.

    And, EOS, what loser uses a porta potty anyway? I’ve been to many rallies in DC and have not once used one. They’re for cretins.

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