Cynthia Plaster Caster for Mayor

I had been pulling for Rahm Emanuel to become Mayor of Chicago, as it would get him out of the White House, and make room for someone like Michael Moore, but now I’m not so sure. I just discovered, through Facebook, that one of my friends is in the race. While it’s true that she lacks governmental experience, she more than makes up for in her ability to handle dicks. And, speaking of dicks, she’s locked down the all important endorsement of America’s favorite funny man, Neil Hamburger. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the next Mayor of Chicago… Ms. Cynthia Plaster Caster.

And, as I can’t just stop there, here’s something even funnier than Neil Hamburger – an article about the now three-time-married Newt Gingrich and the standing ovations he received at a conference of so-called “values” voters. Gingrich, as you may recall, left his first wife as she lay in the hospital, recovering from cancer surgery.

[Oh, and here’s hoping that Cynthia never had occasion to cast Mr. Hamburger, whom I also count among my friends… I never had occasion to see it, but I’ve heard that she cast a friend of mine once, and the resulting piece made it look as though he had gnarled stump of a penis, covered in wart-laden tentacles.]