Asians on my turf

Linette and I, as many of you know, used to be extremely important in the publishing world. For over a dozen years, we churned out issues of the enormously influential magazine Crimewave USA. We sold thousands of copies, all around the world, and had A-list trendsetters like Steve Hughes and John Coffin begging to get onboard. I guess you could say, we had the world by the balls. But, we decided to throw that all away and have a child… Anyway, as we allowed our empire to crumble around us, others, like cockroaches, rushed in to capitalize on what we had built… So, today I got a letter from a Crimewave reader, asking what had become of our former website. I guess our ownership had lapsed, and someone else had jumped in to snatch it up. I’m not an expert on Asian languages, but, judging from what I see, I think it might be a Japanese manufacturer of fireworks and paper lanterns. If someone could translate this, though, I’d appreciate it. I’d especially like to know if they’re saying anything bad about me…. Seriously, if you know of someone who speaks Japanese, or whatever language this is written in, I’d appreciate it if you would forward it on.


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  1. Posted July 15, 2010 at 9:54 pm | Permalink

    I’m sorry, Mark, I don’t know any other languages. (Now, if the website was in Braille, I could help you out! Wouldn’t that be cool?? They have shirts in Braille that say things like “Stop staring at my boobs” :)). Anyway, I’m sorry if you’ve said this like a billion times and I missed it, but is there any way to order old issues of Crimewave? I’d love to read some! I’m broke til September, but I’d totally order some off of you.
    (Again, I apologize if you’ve posted links to this in the past and the information flittered into and out of my brain)

  2. Posted July 15, 2010 at 10:02 pm | Permalink

    We used to sell back issues through the site, but, obviously, the site’s gone now. I guess I could set up a table at the Brewery some afternoon and sell back copies. If people are into that, let me know and I’ll dig some old stuff out of storage. And, I could put a few bundles up on Ebay for folks that are from around here.

  3. Posted July 15, 2010 at 10:06 pm | Permalink

    And I can’t figure out why a Japanese company would want the Crimewave USA url. I guess it could just be that they bought it because it had some degree of traffic, but, as most of that traffic would have been from the US, I don’t get why they’d want to put up a non-Eglish language page. But, maybe it has to do with search engine optimization or something. Maybe they jump higher in the Japanese rankings if they show American visitors, even if they only stay on the page about a nanosecond.

  4. Stephan
    Posted July 15, 2010 at 10:08 pm | Permalink

    Maybe the Japanese are planning something. I know that before the attack on Pearl Harbor, they ran ads in Hawaiian newspapers that contained coded messages. Maybe they’re doing something similar here.

  5. Rex
    Posted July 15, 2010 at 10:16 pm | Permalink

    what is the website url?

  6. Posted July 15, 2010 at 10:39 pm | Permalink

  7. Andy C
    Posted July 15, 2010 at 10:54 pm | Permalink

    Here you go…

    Event information link of being useful ♪ season

    As for January New Year’s Day

    As for the meter of one year there is a New Year’s Day. In order for there to be also a proverb, raising the plan of year on January first, one year it is something which we would like to pass to be better. I as for time of infancy, as for New Year’s Day relaxing slowly at the house, receive the New Year’s present from the parent, Eating the rice soup, while seeing slowly even with the television, it had relaxed. After becoming the adult, after storing the commodity a little, don’t you think? to it became the meter of New Year’s Day to run the “luck sack”. Beforehand, In New Year’s Eve naming the luck sack advance preparation at the store which goes to buying, preliminary inspection it dies and goes, estimating value the circumstances of each store of the luck sack.

    It grasped the root of the day, it reached the point where it moves luck sack purchase day in advance simulation. Because you think of that 100,000 cyclotomic commodity is bought at about 20,000 Yen in standard, you cannot disdain, don’t you think?. Of course, simultaneously with New Year’s Day in the temple the bell of the removal night going to piercing even now remains as one of year’s regular functions. Also the children, loving, to pierce the bell, after piercing, think that also what smacking it does is quaint ones in the fermented sweet rice gruel. While protecting the custom which is from former times, thrusting the hand to also trend of today, we would like to keep making the living of everyday life pleasant being, the shank.

  8. Posted July 15, 2010 at 10:58 pm | Permalink

    Now, if I could just have someone translate what Andy wrote…

  9. FeelinGrippy
    Posted July 15, 2010 at 11:48 pm | Permalink

    I think near the bottom of the page it reads “A Samurai without a concubine is like an unsheathed sword.”
    But that is all I can make out. My Japanese is rusty.

  10. Peter Larson
    Posted July 16, 2010 at 7:14 am | Permalink

    It looks like a generic placeholder for one of those companies that snatches up your URL for some unknown reasons. I lost mine to a casino once.

    The page here is a listing of monthly seasonal events, starting with January. It seems that January is the only month that they have bothered to post. January is the start of the new year (duh) and traditionally a one time birthday celebration for all children. Kids get some money to spend and everyone eats seasonal foods and watches stories about old people on NHK.

  11. Andy C
    Posted July 16, 2010 at 8:18 am | Permalink

    What my “Translation” widget translation not good enough for you!?!? I put a good ten minutes into that!

  12. Andy C
    Posted July 16, 2010 at 8:22 am | Permalink

    For now on all gifts will be called a “luck sack”.

  13. Rex
    Posted July 16, 2010 at 12:05 pm | Permalink

    I tried to call my luck sack a gift.

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