Stuffing the electronic ballot box

Tonight, when you’re sitting around, looking for something to do after getting drunk on moonshine, instead of doing something naughty, like killing a friend by forcing an Asian swamp eel into his rectum, get online and cast your ballot in the new AnnArbor.com Community Choice Awards. As it would be unethical for me to do so, I won’t tell you how to vote in all the categories, but I do have two quick suggestions. First, I think that you should consider entering the Shadow Art Fair in the Best Ann Arbor Festival category. And, second, as there’s not a Favorite Blog category, I’d suggest that you enter MarkMaynard.com as the Best Place for Seafood.

And, if I’m selected as the Best Place for Seafood, I promise to call a press conference, during which I’ll cry, demand that the media respect my family’s privacy, and deny repeatedly that I’ve ever sold so much as a single fish. I will then sue AnnArbor.com for damages.

[All apologies to my friends at Monahan’s Seafood Market, but I had to choose a category to compete in, and I liked the odds in Seafood. It’s nothing personal… So please don’t start giving me less calamari than usual.]

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10 Comments

  1. Robert
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 7:11 am | Permalink

    I guess it’s true. You must be drifting right in your political leanings in your old age. You’re already thinking about electronically rigging elections.

  2. Knox
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 8:21 am | Permalink

    One vote for Best Seafood.

  3. Edward
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 8:38 am | Permalink

    FYI. You have to register at AnnArbor.com to vote, which I just did. I also voted DejaVu as the business with the best window displays, and the Corner Brewery as the best local hangout.

  4. Kim
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 12:34 pm | Permalink

    One more vote for Best Seafood coming up.

    Keep the gumbo coming.

  5. Robert
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 1:11 pm | Permalink

    The stuffed crab at markmaynard.com could hardly get more stuffed or more crabby.

  6. Fred Sandy
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 3:22 pm | Permalink

    It’s funny that you mention giant, anally-inserted swamp eels in post about how you want to be recognized as running a wonderful seafood restaurant. It’s almost like you subconsciously want to cook a butt eel and eat it. For that, you earn my vote.

  7. Robert
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 4:29 pm | Permalink

    “A Chinese man has died after an eel was inserted in rectum by friends”

    Could these people really be catagorized as “friends” to this guy they murdered?

    When a person murders you, doesn’t that show more or less conclusively that they are not your friend?

  8. Edward
    Posted May 7, 2010 at 7:37 am | Permalink

    I noticed that you didn’t win “Best Blog” in the Current this year. Sorry. I know you must be devastated.

  9. Ted
    Posted May 7, 2010 at 8:38 am | Permalink

    The ghost of the man with the swamp eel in his butt should talk with this women, who has a snake living in her stomach.

    http://www.nytimes.com/1864/07/10/news/snake-in-a-woman-s-stomach.html

  10. Andy Ypsilanti
    Posted May 7, 2010 at 1:06 pm | Permalink

    I’d like to take this one step further and sabatage the entire poll with Ypsilanti answers. Best burger? Roy’s. Best Hot Dog? Bill’s. Best Clothing/Shoes? Puffer Red’s. Breakfast? Bomber. Soup? Beezy’s. Museum? Auto Heritage.

    If we can’t stuff the ballot box, maybe we can sway the vote to the east…

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