Happy Halloween

My friend Dan just called from Minneapolis. He’s lonely. He’s sitting at home, sad, alone, in the dark, surrounded by candles, dressed like Edgar Allan Poe, and waiting for trick-or-treaters to ring his bell. So, this goes out to him.

I’m not in costume today. I was yesterday, though. I went to work as Richard Heene, psyience detective – the father of Balloon Boy. I basically looked like myself, but with my hair parted in the middle. And I tried to keep more of a pained look than ususal on my face.

I didn’t tell people who I was. People would ask, and just I’d point up, without saying anything, into the corner of my office, where a silver mylar balloon shaped like a UFO was pinned to a ceiling tile.

And that’s how I spent my day.

The balloon got popped, though, so today I’m back to being myself again. I’d like to say that it feels good, but I’m falling apart again. My back is going back out. And something popped in my eye, so it’s filling back up with blood. I guess you could call it a Halloween miracle. Within just a few hours, I’ve transformed into a monstrous, contorted freak with blood filled eyes.

I don’t want to scare kids though. So, right now, instead of being out on the street, I’m curled up on the couch in my tattered long johns, watching the movie Halloween dubbed in German, and wondering whether or not I should write another letter to PJ Soles.


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  1. Posted November 1, 2009 at 8:38 am | Permalink

    You are a goofball

  2. Mr. E
    Posted November 1, 2009 at 12:51 pm | Permalink

    Just looked at this halloween post w/ the pic of Clementine’s face in the
    black-cat cutout. Then I scroll down to see the post on the “Islamic leader killed by
    the FBI in a Dearborn shootout” and damned if that guy’s face doesn’t look
    like he’s posing in a cutout, as well.

  3. Michael Schils
    Posted November 1, 2009 at 1:24 pm | Permalink

    That cutout in the other pic is used by the FBI to assure us that they killed the right person.

  4. Dan
    Posted November 1, 2009 at 2:14 pm | Permalink

    Once again people came to my house with their 6 week old baby asking for candy, or adults had their own candy bag and were trick-or-treating along with their kids. Does anyone else think this is weird? Perhaps I need to get some teething crackers for the infants. What should I get for the adults? I was thinking parenting books or Milwaukee’s Best.

    It was nice to see that Mark didn’t have his own bag of candy when he was out with Clementine. Way to resist.

  5. Ypsiman
    Posted November 1, 2009 at 5:36 pm | Permalink

    According to Hannity, Holloween teaches kids to be liberals. Going door to door asking for handouts…


  6. kez
    Posted November 1, 2009 at 11:52 pm | Permalink

    we need more Quotable Clementine.

  7. Steph
    Posted November 2, 2009 at 12:18 pm | Permalink

    Terrifying cat!

  8. Lee
    Posted November 2, 2009 at 4:20 pm | Permalink

    Clementine would have made a wonderful Falcon… You could have put her in a box, and covered her in fake puke.

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