Father of Balloon Boy believes world is run by reptilian humanoids

balloonboyinperilI wasn’t going to write about the Balloon Boy hoax… I wasn’t… But, then I read an interview on Gawker with a man that worked with Richard Heene, the father of the Balloon Boy, in which it’s mentioned that the fame-obsessed dad was, among other things, obsessed by the idea that the world is really run by a secret sect of reptilian humanoids. And, as this is a theory that we’ve talked about here a few times in the past, I thought that it at least deserved a mention. So, here’s a clip from the interview with Heene’s associate, who was, until recently, working with him on a proposal for a reality television series:

…But he was motivated by theories I thought were far-fetched. Like Reptilians — the idea there are alien beings that walk among us and are shape shifters, able to resemble human beings and running the upper echelon of our government. Somehow a secret government has covered all this up since the U.S. was established, and the only way to get the truth out there was to use the mainstream media to raise Richard to a status of celebrity, so he could communicate with the masses…

So, just keep that in the back of your mind, OK… Not only is this man an asshole who’s willing to manipulate his children in order to attain television celebrity, but he believes that Hillary Clinton, among others, are really giant upright-walking lizards, who can shape shift like Dr. Jonathan Chase at the drop of a hat. This, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you, is some serious fucked-up shit.

Although…. What if, perhaps, the lizard people got wind of his ingenious plan to expose them, and set him up to look like a colossal douche bag? What then?

OK, as long as we’ve opened Pandora’s box, here’s another clip in which the associate is recounting what Heene said about the possibility of getting the attention of the press with a fake UFO.

…Can we attract UFO’s with a homemade flying saucer? We will modify a weather balloon, so that it resembles a UFO and will electrically charge the skin of the craft (Biefield-Brown Effect). We will capture the footage on film, and will utilize the media as a means with which to make our presence known to the masses. This will not only provide us with incredible footage, but will also generate a tremendous amount of controversy among the public, as well as publicity within the mainstream media. This will be the most significant UFO-related news event to take place since the Roswell Crash of 1947, and the result will be a dramatic increase in local and national awareness about The Heene Family, our Reality Series, as well as the UFO Phenomenon in general.

I clearly remember Richard telling me that, if we accomplish this, it would be the most controversial and widespread UFO news story since Roswell in 1947…

And that, to me, is the delicious part of all of this… that no one in the media, from the very start of this, mentioned the word “flying saucer.” Here the guy works his ass off making a ridiculous little flying saucer-shaped balloon, and no one even acknowledges it. Just listen to their 911 calls. Heene and his wife must say “flying saucer” a dozen times. But no one bites. To everyone in the world, the story was about the “balloon” boy. I almost feel bad for the guy.

[note: According to Time, Mr. and Mrs. Heene, who met each other while taking acting classes in LA, by the way, called TV stations before calling 911.]

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  1. Gene
    Posted October 20, 2009 at 8:01 am | Permalink

    Papa Heene is a Marc Singer wanna-be…even the hair…
    Was this really a publicity stunt for himself? He’s pitching “V”…or living it.

  2. Brother Tim
    Posted October 20, 2009 at 8:13 am | Permalink

    The sad thing is, I think it might all work out for Heene in the end. He’ll probably get a reality show out of this. He may lose his kids in the process, but he’ll get his show.

  3. BrianB
    Posted October 20, 2009 at 8:56 am | Permalink

    Thanks for culling more delicious irony from this story, Mark. I love how he was thinking he’d create a Roswell incident, and ending up getting something more like the OJ chase meets Octomom.

    The whole thing has been playing out like a modern fable with him delusionally attempting to create or capture some kind of magic in our collective attention and the media dragon taking the bait and then turning its and our wrath against him — but will he ultimatelty prevail with his own reality series? stay glued to your tv set. Shame about his family suffering under his delusions though. I suppose people would be less interested if he was just a lone whacko unibomber type.

  4. West Cross
    Posted October 20, 2009 at 11:40 am | Permalink

    What I haven’t heard was how this plan was supposed to work. Were they thinking that the hook of the show would be “see the family who thought their kid was in a balloon, but really wasn’t? Seems like the lamest publicity stunt ever.
    Launching the balloon in secret and letting everyone get spooked by it seems like a much better plan.

  5. Kimbo
    Posted October 20, 2009 at 2:04 pm | Permalink

    Heene had a plan, West Cross. The show was going to be about him and his kids looking into strange scientific theories and the like. He had already started doing a version of it on the internet. It was called “The Psyience Detectives.” There were some videos up at YouTUbe yesterday, but I think they’re gone now.

  6. Crutch
    Posted November 12, 2009 at 3:35 pm | Permalink

    Father of balloon boy is now safely behind bars, where the reptilian humanoids can’t get at him.


  7. Robert
    Posted May 12, 2010 at 6:54 pm | Permalink

    More evidence that something close to 99% of the general population is stupid beyond help:


    This was my last example:


    If you couldn’t tell the first video was a spoof produced by The Onion, or you actually believe Victoria Jackson is serious and not doing shtick, you just really shouldn’t leave the house. Please stay indoors.

  8. Lupon Aritz
    Posted June 28, 2010 at 6:23 pm | Permalink

    Goblins of the Canal is what I grew up calling these evil bastards, drinking up our human babies like juice boxes.

  9. Conspiracy Man
    Posted September 1, 2010 at 7:31 am | Permalink

    This story is finally getting the attention that it deserves at a national level.


  10. Krug
    Posted February 17, 2014 at 2:23 pm | Permalink

    Speaking of reptilian humanoids, as you were today, Richard Heene is back in the news today.


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