“I summon Thee, Creature of Darkness, by the Works of Darkness”

I know I said that I quit blogging… but does anyone find it weird that just days after Sarah Palin steps down as Governor, a thick, black, oozing life form never before seen my man begins to amass off the coast of Alaska?

Sounds like something out of the Necronomicon, doesn’t it?

Can’t you just picture Palin standing on the shore, facing the black sea at midnight and reciting the following:

I conjure Thee, O Ancestor of the Gods!
I summon Thee, Creature of Darkness, by the Works of Darkness!
I summon Thee, Creature of Hatred, by the Words of Hatred!
I summon Thee, Creature of Wastes, by the Rites of the Waste!
I summon Thee, Creature of Pain, by the Words of Pain!
I summon and call Thee forth, from Thy Abode in Darkness!
I Evoke Thee from Thy resting-place in the bowles of the Earth!

I know it’s unlikely, but isn’t it possible that Palin, having given up on the idea of coming to power by way of rigged election, may have chosen to bypass Rove and Cheney altogether, and go straight to Cthulhu?

And don’t get me started on her flesh eating robot army.

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  1. Tom
    Posted July 17, 2009 at 4:34 am | Permalink

    Too soon.

  2. Frans
    Posted July 17, 2009 at 7:03 am | Permalink

    This is likely some kind of algae thing, but, speaking of new, unexplained life forms did you see what’s happening in North Carolina sewers?

  3. Frans
    Posted July 17, 2009 at 7:08 am | Permalink

    I’m not one to start rumors, but I also find it curious that these things are happening in the wake of Robert Anton Wilson’s death. Perhaps there’s a rift in the time space continuum.

  4. Carl
    Posted July 17, 2009 at 7:11 am | Permalink

    Or, more likely, in the case of the Alaskan slime, it’s some primitive life form set free from a melting glacier thanks to global warming.

  5. Carie
    Posted July 17, 2009 at 7:46 am | Permalink

    What do you mean, too soon? Do you mean because the Mayan calendar doesn’t call for the end of the world until 2012? Or do you mean it’s too soon to joke about this? That it’s like making 9/11 jokes on 9/12?

  6. Z Thomas P
    Posted July 17, 2009 at 7:54 am | Permalink

    Do you know at the end of Ghost how all the evil demons come up and take the killer’s soul down to hell? They’re like a liquid goo, and they start by pooling up around the killer on the ground. Maybe this is evil, but maybe it’s coming not to help Palin, but to drag her to hell.

  7. Cao
    Posted July 17, 2009 at 10:23 am | Permalink

    I just tried saying this on Michigan Avenue and a little man on a Segway zipped out in front of me.

  8. Publius
    Posted July 17, 2009 at 2:25 pm | Permalink

    You are not funny.

  9. Posted July 17, 2009 at 8:01 pm | Permalink

    Who’s not funny, me?

  10. Posted July 17, 2009 at 8:02 pm | Permalink

    I mean, I know I’m not funny on a professional level, but I think I occasionally say interesting stuff. And, you’re right, this isn’t a terribly funny post, but I like the image of Palin summoning the primordial goo.

  11. Dirtgrain
    Posted July 17, 2009 at 8:20 pm | Permalink

    I love the connection. You’re funny.

  12. Tom
    Posted July 17, 2009 at 10:12 pm | Permalink

    It’s too soon after Lovecraft’s death to be using the Necronomicon’s teachings in vain.

  13. sitterhitter
    Posted July 17, 2009 at 10:45 pm | Permalink

    Fummy sissy whimps its wimps. Woooowzy!!!

  14. Phelps
    Posted February 23, 2010 at 10:04 am | Permalink

    Cheney is in need of yet another human heart.

    Watch your children!


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