It’s like a jelly donut full of crab meat, only without the crab meat

mmcom_jellydonut

[This conversation with the spine surgeon took place a few weeks ago, as we looked at images from my MRI. Basically she told me that I’d never get my old disk back, but that, by watching what I did, and building up my core strength, I could avoid future flair ups. I forget the exact term for what I have, but it’s something like Degenerative Disk Syndrome. In between the mixed metaphors, she said it could be hereditary, but it could also be the result of a past trauma. Right now, I’m racking may brain, trying to think of people to blame…]

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13 Comments

  1. Patrick
    Posted June 2, 2009 at 2:02 am | Permalink

    Well, if it is hereditary, Mark, you really have nobody to blame but the Liberal-Biased Mainstream Media.
    Or those Sleestaks that abducted your parents that time as part of their genetic modification studies.
    And, of course, Debra Winger could have had something to do with it.
    Or Ethel Merman.

    It also occurs to me; do you suppose Homo Habilis had this Degenerative Disk problem? He probably just concentration-curled full grown Mastodons with one arm , grasping them by those huge, curly tusks, which would not have exposed his lower back area to undue stress. His brain was kind of small and his gut was huge, you know, due to that campfire thing. He only stalked his prey to exhaustion over days and days of physical exertion that would put our greatest modern athletes to shame, steroids and all, never stopping or tiring, not allowing the prey animal to slow down even for a drink of water.
    Yeah, I pity him. I’ll prefer the back pain caused by my slumping over the computer keyboard in my little cubicle.

  2. Patrick
    Posted June 2, 2009 at 3:46 am | Permalink

    Did your doctor really say, “There is no jiving it”?

  3. Posted June 2, 2009 at 6:22 am | Permalink

    Do rest it. It will heal. Hope you feel better *soon.

    C

  4. Jules
    Posted June 2, 2009 at 7:08 am | Permalink

    That’s awful, Mark. But at least your tags are hilarious.

  5. Deadhand
    Posted June 2, 2009 at 10:01 am | Permalink

    I’m glad the doctor said you don’t need surgery. Hope it gets better soon. One word for core strength: kettlebells.

  6. Ypsilanti Comfort
    Posted June 2, 2009 at 10:15 am | Permalink

    It took a few years after a car accident, but mine did go away. And one must become very aware of correct lifting proceedures and posture. Maintain good balance in movement and excersize.

  7. Paw
    Posted June 2, 2009 at 10:17 am | Permalink

    You shouldn’t have posted this. I LOVE crab meat, and right now I’m staring out my window, daydreaming about cracking people’s spines open and chowing down.

  8. Huckett
    Posted June 2, 2009 at 3:17 pm | Permalink

    “Your breobing is ripped?” Usually I’m good at bad handwriting, but not today.

  9. Posted June 2, 2009 at 3:26 pm | Permalink

    You’re not kidding, Paw. I so love seafood. I also love jelly donuts. Hey, who has the best lobster in town? Who has the best crab? Let’s all head over there to watch the game. I’ll even stop by Dunkin Donuts and pick up a few boxes of jelly donuts on the way there. Then we’ll have a feast! Oh yeah! Alright! I’m psyched.

    …oh yeah, and Mark, sorry about your back or whatever.

  10. EGNB
    Posted June 2, 2009 at 8:20 pm | Permalink

    Sorry about your back. I saw your post yesterday, and then last night, while browsing through the dinner menu at the Chinese seafood restaurant I went to, the item “Donut with Seafood Paste” jumped out at me. It was one of their recommended dishes and I was really tempted to try it, but I resisted. I’m not sure if that was because of, or in spite of the imagery of your spine.

  11. Posted June 2, 2009 at 8:36 pm | Permalink

    I have bad handwriting. I’m sorry about that. I drew this really quickly while waiting for Clementine to finish up with something.

    It wasn’t my “breobing” being ripped, but my “breading,” or the outside layer of my crab meat filled jelly donut. And it wasn’t, “there’s no jiving it.” It was, “there’s no fixing it.” Basically, she said that my bottom disk was dehydrated and all withered up, and that it was never going to get its crab meat back. the best I could hope for was not to rip the breading again.

    And, if there’s a doctor out there willing to give it a shot, I’d gladly let him/her attempt a Donut with Seafood Paste substitution.

  12. Patty
    Posted June 4, 2009 at 6:22 pm | Permalink

    When I had my microdiscectomy my doctor described the disc as being like lobster meat. Guess my discs are a little more high class than yours.

  13. Patrick
    Posted June 8, 2009 at 12:10 am | Permalink

    Patty wrote, “When I had my microdiscectomy my doctor described the disc as being like lobster meat. Guess my discs are a little more high class than yours.”
    Yeah, well, your doctor probably went to Johns Hopkins where they teach it that way. Yeah, I think Mark needs a second opinion. Any doctor who says “There’s no jiving it,” must have gone to a second or third tier school.

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