Burger King, a lot to swallow

0_21_bk_350Apparently, Burger King isn’t just making news in Ypsi today. According to FOX News, their new suck on our sandwich like it’s an enormous, throbbing cock campaign is raising eyebrows. A representative for the company has said, “Burger King Corp. values and respects all of its guests,” but some aren’t buying it. Using sex to sell greasy fat and salt patties, of course, isn’t anything new, but people seem to feel as though maybe Burger King should have stopped with their Whopper virgins campaign… At any rate, I just thought that it was funny that we forced the Ypsitucky Jamboree – a one day event – to change it’s name because it offended our delicate sensibilities, but we’re welcoming Ejaculating Cock Burger to Water Street with open arms… or should I say throats… forever.

[Thanks to Ypsiman for bringing this to my attention.]

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  1. Brackinald Achery
    Posted June 30, 2009 at 8:39 pm | Permalink

    It didn’t occur to them that most women wouldn’t want to eat a 7-inch burger, and most men don’t want to eat a 7-inch burger that makes them feel like a skinny blonde chick eating a 7-inch penis?

  2. ypsiPawz
    Posted June 30, 2009 at 8:40 pm | Permalink

    So do you think that BK will have to go to the Human Rights Commission when they open shop on Water St, and put those flashy posters up in the windows?

  3. Posted June 30, 2009 at 10:29 pm | Permalink

    most men don’t want to eat a 7-inch burger that makes them feel like a skinny blonde chick eating a 7-inch penis

    That should be in a marketing textbook somewhere. Really. It should.

  4. ypsiPawz
    Posted July 1, 2009 at 12:10 am | Permalink

    So what’s the white stuff in the picture? The listed ingredients are:

    single beef patty
    american cheese
    crispy onions
    a-1 thick & hearty steak sauce

    ~must be the special ingredient *wink *wink

  5. Beth
    Posted July 1, 2009 at 8:58 am | Permalink

    If there were any truth in advertising, this campaign would feature a fat corporate king ejaculating lard into the mouth of an obese woman while taking the money out of her pocket.

  6. Ted
    Posted July 1, 2009 at 11:05 am | Permalink

    Thank you for the perfect analogy. This is exactly how I feel, like City Council is stuffing Burger King down my throat, like a cock.

  7. Posted July 1, 2009 at 11:36 am | Permalink

    The Burger King is so bragadocious. That Jarred fella doesn’t act like he has to prove anything.

  8. tommy
    Posted July 1, 2009 at 11:51 am | Permalink

    Conversation I can’t wait to have at the Drive Thru (in my Hummer)-

    Minimum Wage employee : “Would you like fries and a coke with your Super Seven Incher?”

    Me: “No, just mayonnaise … and a cigarette”

    Toally clueless Employee: “That will be $3.42. Pull up to the second window.”

    Not dissimilar to when I ask for the Polish Wax (Pole-ish) at the Car Wash and the tatted up fellow just takes my money marks my car with his bar of soap and pushes the button. Makes me laugh, anyway!

  9. Robert
    Posted July 1, 2009 at 12:14 pm | Permalink

    From what I gather of the quality of most people’s relationships, I’d say the advertisement is right about on their level.

    I was already avoiding Burger King just because of the shitty food. But now I think I’ll be making sure nobody I know goes there. I certainly won’t be ever again in my life.

  10. Gretchen Ferntopolis
    Posted July 1, 2009 at 12:40 pm | Permalink

    Does anyone have a sideways shot of one of our pro-BK councilmen that I could photoshop stradling the cockwich?

  11. HippieHater
    Posted July 1, 2009 at 12:59 pm | Permalink

    apparently my comment didn’t make the cut… What’s up Mark – can’t we rip on city council anymore…?

  12. tommy
    Posted July 1, 2009 at 2:03 pm | Permalink

    Gretchen – just get a head shot and combine it with Slim Pickens riding the bomb from ‘Dr. Strangelove’. You should be all set.

  13. Quackenbush
    Posted July 1, 2009 at 5:29 pm | Permalink


  14. Posted July 1, 2009 at 8:30 pm | Permalink

    Personally, I’d rather a throbbing hot cock in my mouth than most of the crap that Burger King sells.

  15. Steve Swan
    Posted July 1, 2009 at 8:31 pm | Permalink

    Man, I wish there were teachers like you back when I was in school.

  16. Michaelx
    Posted July 1, 2009 at 10:25 pm | Permalink

    Faced with a choice between a Whopper and the “t-h-c” the teacher mentioned, I think I’d have to go for the hamburger, but I cetainly appreciate the good teacher expressing herself so freely. (Now I’m trying to remember if I ever had a teacher named Patti…)

  17. Shocker
    Posted July 1, 2009 at 11:08 pm | Permalink

    Yeah, uh, I hate to blow the secret guys, but a lot of girls like penises. It’s like how boys like vaginas, but weirder looking and floppier.

  18. Greedo
    Posted July 2, 2009 at 2:05 am | Permalink

    Shocker wrote, “Yeah, uh, I hate to blow the secret guys, but a lot of girls like penises. It’s like how boys like vaginas, but weirder looking and floppier.”

    Maybe Taco Bell should have some kind of ad campaign targeting young men and a poster boy with the big, throbbing hair taco near his lips. All intimidating looking and whatnot. But not pastey white like the BK girl. Get some sun, girlfriend.

  19. Ted Haggard
    Posted July 4, 2009 at 12:58 pm | Permalink

    If you guys only knew how much Mark Maynard loves blow jobs…

  20. clintongonze
    Posted November 22, 2009 at 8:32 am | Permalink

    That’s cool. I agree, that was a good post! Dude a friend of mine has been was tring to increase Ejaculation Volume. He tried all natural therapies, and they were working, but very slow, so at the end, he try try semen volume pills to increase prodcution, volume and flavour. yes results were great. so my suggestion if u want to Male fertility.

  21. Posted November 22, 2009 at 9:20 pm | Permalink

    Given the title of this post was “a lot to swallow,” I just couldn’t help but allow this spam comment through. I did take the links out, though. (Sorry.)

  22. Brackinald Achery
    Posted November 22, 2009 at 10:55 pm | Permalink

    Flavor, eh? What about viscosity?

  23. D Bodily
    Posted November 16, 2011 at 10:22 am | Permalink

    Mike Eller thinks we should have sold to Burger King.


One Trackback

  1. By Burger King likely to occupy Water Street on March 15, 2010 at 9:22 pm

    […] know. I know. It’s a lot to swallow. But, I don’t know what can be done about it at this point. We’ve debated the hell out […]

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